Month: January 2012

Need the Sounds Of Sanity

Posted on by kmarrs

I’m sitting here, the only one awake in the house. Earbuds plugged into my left year, right free so I can listen for kid. I keep hearing voices in my right ear. Voices that in no way sync up to the music in my left. I take the sole earbud out, silence. I listen for awhile. Silence. I shrug, put the ear bud back, the voices come back. The primary one being what I can only describe as a man cackling. Not something heard in this neighborhood. The rest is just non-descriptive babble.

And I know it’s nothing. But…

I can’t help but know Schizophrenia runs in the family (Hi Daddy!) I can’t help but know that with me being Schizotypal I have a 10-20% chance of becoming Schizophrenic.

But I’m just freaking out, right?

Life Got Busy

Posted on by kmarrs

Or rather, I’ve been doing stuffs for the band.  Yep, the “other blog”.  I know.  I know.  But.  You’ll always be my first love.

Nah.  It isn’t like that.  I’m just stable.  And there isn’t a lot of drama going down.  Just basic day to day life.  And they really need me so I’ve felt safe stepping back from my writing a bit and focusing on what they need.

Lack of drama never lasts long.  Stuff is brewing.  Not bad stuff.  In fact, should be good stuff.  Like, we have to move this year.  And unless that goes to hell-in-a-handbasket, it will involve renting an actual house!  I know, right!  I’m sure that will make for kick-ass blog content!

Meanwhile, I’ll try to touch base here at least one a week when, you know, there is something to say other than “hi!  I’m here”.

Until then, go peek around the Band.  And?  Circle it on G+.  Dawnie and I are running that now.  With minimal supervision, even.  And we have big plans in store!  Some of which start next week.  So, you know, circle us?  Maybe?  Because right now we are trying to test the waters, see who is there, what they like, and when they are active.  And well, G+ is hard.  No one sees it’s true worth.  They expect instant, but ti’s not.  But, that’s kind of a good thing.  Conversations can last longer, not get buried, and have meaning.  It’s the “this is no longer high school” of social media.

Headache Follow Up

Posted on by kmarrs

Alright, I dropped the ball on this for a bit there due to being OMG busy, but I picked it back up today.  I saw my primary care to discuss options.

I flat out told him that while they are tension headaches, pain meds aren’t consistently doing enough for me to rely on them, and I’m sick of taking as many as I have to take to get even a little relief.  I have a 9+ year history of these headaches that aren’t budgets or affected by: diet changed, sleep pattern changes, caffeine intake changes, or exercise/activity changes.  I’m sick of treating them as they happen, I want to look into preventing them.

He agreed I seem to be doing all I can to prevent triggers, considering the full 9 year history of them.  So meds where the next step.  The options were mental health meds or blood pressure meds.  I told him with my mental health issues, and the fact med changes there have never affected my headaches, I wanted to stay away from those and leave that to my meds doc.  But that I walked in there knowing I’d probably be put on a BP med and I was prepared and ok with that.

So, that is what we are doing.  I will be on a lower dose and we’ll see how it goes.  I go back in early April.  So cross fingers it’s to report good news.

Bottom line?  These headaches are debilitating.  It is hard to function as a mother/teller/person when it feels like the jaws of death are squeezing the back of your skull 24/7.

One Year Ends and Another Begins

Posted on by kmarrs
4.  Today, my youngest son, you turn 4.  I am not even sure what to say about that.  It feels like you have been 3 for a century now.  Most parents see the years flying by, and that has always been true.  Except for this year.  This year has lasted a lifetime.  And now that we are at the end of it, I am so ready for it to be over.
 
The thing of it is, you are the full embodiment of 3 and redhead, in one small, temperamental package.  You can out curse a sailor, know no boundaries or limits set for you, and can explode better than any volcano.
 
But then I turn on classical music and your interpretive dance is unlike any other.  You know no shame or humiliation, and that is how dance should be.  You hug with the fierceness of the passion your personality is known for.  You love your little sister in a way that could inspire Aphrodite.  If anyone could love that baby to death, it would be you.
 
You are an inspiration of a big brother, which is the exact opposite of your goals as a little brother.  We need to work on that.  Though you are not alone in your faults there.
 
This year has been the year of the monster.  I want so desperately to be angry at your inability to consistently sleep in your own bed.  But the fear in your eyes is true and pathetic.  And my will is not strong.  I am you momma and as such it is my job to protect you, even if your own imagination is what you need protecting from.
 
This year will also be known as the year of the dog.  You fell in love with Max, got bitten by Max, and then had your heart broken more than anyone when Max could no longer live with us.  You’ve met a “pickle” dog and I will terminate anyone who corrects you in what type of dog that actually is.
For as big as you may be in size and wisdom, every so often your little, little boy shows through and when he does, I embrace him with all my being.  For you are my 4 year old and I love you with all that I am.
 

Here is to hoping the terror that is 3 is over and a step towards self control is taken.  But while I may wish away the passion to your temper, I hope the passion of your love never leaves you.  For that love, is what makes you my Lucas, and my Lucas is the fire in my heart.

Dose of Happy? Try DAY of Happy!

Posted on by kmarrs

Today’s plans?
Well, Kate was coming over at some point, Pat was taking Thomas to an orthodontist consultation, and I was going on day 2 of no pants.  Good plans.

Today’s reality?
About 9AM Pat came down to wake me with the news that one of the best zoos in the country, which is about 30 minutes from us, had free admission all day due to the holiday.  How did I feel about canceling plans and finally seeing the polar bears?  (See number 3 here.)

I bundled us all up warm, packed a bag of sandwiches, drinks and snacks, grabbed the diaper bag, and there we were by 10:30!  The parking lot was a sure sign of what we were up against crowd wise.  It was dead.  Well, compared to usual anyways.

We weren’t expecting to see a whole lot.  It’s cold out there, and most the animals would be in for the winter.  But our main goal?  Yeah like the polar bears would mind the cold.  There were quite a few other sites to see as well.  Some braving the cold, some indoors.

We saw:

  • Polar bear twin sisters, cuddled up taking an afternoon nap.  We share a birthday, btw.  Only I’m a few decades, and a half, older.
  • Arctic foxes, that Pat would not let us take home.  They had doggy chew toys with them.  I took great glee in this.
  • Penguins guarding their nests of eggs.  It’s mating season!
  • Yellow river turtles mating
  • An alligator snapping turtle!
  • A 3 year old elephant
  • Baby manatees
  • A sting ray that had a thing for my 3-year-old
  • A Mexican wolf that had a thing for my 3-year-old
  • Wolverines for the first time in all my visits cuz they are always hiding from the heat
  • Otters cuddled up in their den snoozing
  • Brown Bears in their den that Luke wanted to pet
  • A Bald Eagle who let loose his call while we were at his enclosure

In other news, my husband has told me when The Bloggess’s book is released in April, mine is pre-ordered, he is willing to take me up to a few hundred miles for a book signing.  Which I’m sure will take place in a bathroom somewhere.  Probably a haunted hotel or bar.  The bar doesn’t need to be haunted I’m sure, as long as there is booze.

Later in the day, I informed my husband I wanted to take the kids to SeaWorld this summer or next.  He informed me the one in Ohio is closed and they are only in Florida, California, and Texas.  I told him I had Band friends in Florida, but The Bloggess is in Texas…  He told me that Texas was more than a few hundred miles.

Seems I’m going to have to work on this a bit.

So, do you have a Dose of Happy to beat the Mondays over the head with?

This Might Be Unpopular

Posted on by kmarrs

We all dislike the ads on Facebook and other social media sources.

But should a false rumor spread that Facebook is going to start charging?  We become outraged!

Guess what, peeps, we can’t have both.  These social media sites have bills to pay, servers to maintain, tech support, brains, etc to payroll.  That shit is expensive!

I work for a non-profit and we struggle like hell to pay the bills.  And that’s without even having payroll to consider.  Sites are expensive yo!  Especially ones as massive as ours!

What is my solution?

1. Give people an option of paying x per month and their version of the site is ad free.  You don’t pay, you have ads.  Seems fair.  Either way, the electric stays on at Twitter headquarters.

2. Everyone one pays x a month for access to all social media.  That money gets split between what’s out there.  This seems dumb, maybe, until you realize how many social media sites with ads are out there, that could charge fees individually.  So why not one charge for them all that gets split between them all.

Done.

Don’t like this?

Then stop bitching about ads.  Not like you are paying for this shit.

Now, if you hate the ads and are willing to pay for them to go away, bitch on my peeps!

I myself, don’t really mind a few unobtrusive ads.  I’ve learned to ignore the right column on Facebook and I rarely notice the few twitter sponsored tweets.  No, I won’t follow the companies they suggest.  But, even then I might if it’s the right company.  The point is: I can turn a blind eye to something that makes something I use for hours a week, free for me to use.  I mean… think about it.