#fiercelyhappy Archive

Toby

Posted October 8, 2020 By kmarrs

I work evenings now. I’m usually gone when Sammy goes to bed. Which wouldn’t be a problem, if Sammy didn’t have crippling anxiety.

Unfortunately, Sammy does have crippling anxiety, with a side of depression. The worst of it is at bedtime.

One night I was lamenting that I would give anything for Sammy to have a dog that could go to bed with her every night. A furry friend that Sammy could find comfort in when I’m not there. I’d train the dog that Sammy was his human and he could help her not be scared.

The catch is, our rent goes up a couple of hundred dollars and we’d need to pay a hefty security deposit if we got a dog. And while we could mostly afford the basics of dog ownership, we can not afford extra rent.

Then my best friend suggested an ESA dog and it’s like suddenly the skies had cleared. ESA dogs and their disabled humans are a protected class and legally our landlord can not charge us extra rent or a security deposit for one. And Sammy is in for real, legitimate need.

I spoke to Sammy’s therapist, and she is in huge support of the idea. She’s looking into what she needs to do on her end, then she’s going to write a letter that basically prescribes Sammy with an ESA. We’ll take that letter and a print out of the law to our landlord and have them add that to our file.

Then we’re going to go to the shelter and find a pitbull or pitbull mix that responds to Sammy as the sad puppy she is. Pitbulls make excellent ESA dogs.

Together we’ll train him with the standard set of obedience commands like sit and stay. I’ll also train him to sleep in Sammy’s room at night. Since he won’t be going to the grocery store or other errands, the basic discipline commands are all he really needs. I’ll also train him on how to be walked by the 9yo, who isn’t very strong. We’ll walk her together right now, but as she gets older I want her to be able to take her dog around the neighborhood by herself, without the dog pulling on the leash.

I told Sammy about the decision a few days after I made it. She’s in research mode very concerned with learning how to train, the best food options, the best dog beds and toys, and “we’re going to get the dog chipped, right mom?”

It took her all of 24 hours to name the dog we don’t have and that we’ve never met. I campaigned for Ativan since the dog would be helping her with Anxiety. She considered it but eventually settled on Toby. Her only concern was the Toby was a boy’s name and the dog might be a girl. I pointed out dogs don’t have a gender and that blew her mind but settled the problem.

We’ll welcome Toby into our life within the next 6 months.

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Zoo Trip! Zoo Trip!

Posted September 24, 2020 By kmarrs

I took Sammy to the zoo this past weekend as a belated birthday trip. We have a membership so it’s super easy to just pack up and go to the zoo a dozen times a year. Things slowed down when COVID hit, but we’re getting back into the swing of it.

This trip was a little different than our normal trip though. You see, our zoo as an adventure cove with all sorts of fair rides and such. Also scattered through the park are additional rides like pony rides and a train through North America. Our long time favorite is the 1914 carousel that I always find the money for, but usually, we can’t afford the other rides so I have to tell her no. This time, however, I asked my mom to sponsor a couple of ride bracelets that basically give us limitless access to all of them and she agreed. They are actually a pretty great bargain.

The first ride we went on when we got there was this water roller coaster. It had two drops that weren’t extremely high, but there was a splash involved with each. About a minute, or less, after getting seated and starting our way through it, Sammy decided that actually she is afraid of heights and didn’t really want to get wet, but it was way too late for that. Luckily I was able to hold her tight and she didn’t die of freight but she did have some regrets by the end.

The next ride we almost went on is that boat that swings back and forward. We made it to the front of the line before Sammy decided that maybe it also went to high and actually she’d like to go ahead and skip it. I didn’t give her any hassle. Limits and boundaries are healthy and to be respected.

She did, however, enjoy a nice pony ride. And we rode the train together. Then we made our way to the camel rides and we got to ride one together. She was a little nervous through that because camels are taller than she expected, but she eased up and decided it was fun after all by about halfway through. Then we made our way to the carousel and rode that a couple of times before it was time to leave because the zoo was closing.

We did, actually, see a handful of animals too. She loves the big cats so I made sure she saw the lions and the cheetahs. We didn’t manage to see the tigers, but that’s ok. There is always the next trip. We also saw the seals which is a new exhibit that I love with all my heart. My friend works for a seal rescue in Ireland so I’m learning to appreciate them more than ever.

We’re going back on Halloween. This time we’ll actually focus on seeing the animals. (Though there is always carousel money.) The animals will have pumpkin enrichment and it’s a great final fall trip before it gets really cold. Not that the cold has ever stopped us. But a lot of animals den over winter so the winter trips are less productive.

I really enjoy having unlimited access to the zoo. I’m glad I got the kids a membership from Santa this last Christmas. That will be the regular gift from him from now on. It’s something we can all enjoy and it’s right about the Santa price point.

Here are some photos of Sammy I took that day that I enjoy.

Here is the water roller coaster. Sammy has decided she’ll try it again when she’s 25.

This is the swinging boat ride she almost went on. It looked fun.

There were a few other rides I would have loved for her to try. But she just wasn’t ready and I’m not mean enough to push her. She did the roller coaster so I’m super proud of her, even if she does have regrets.

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Working with BPD and things, an Update Part 2

Posted September 10, 2020 By kmarrs

This new job is really working out for me. I don’t just mean the dynamics of my relationship with my client. I mean it works in all the ways my mental health usually doesn’t let things work.

It’s slow-paced so I don’t have to thrive under pressure. I don’t have sales or referral goals. I’m allowed to be somewhat nocturnal, which is an ADHD trait.

This is a job that lets me be useful to society and a community in a way that isn’t detrimental to my mental health. I could even argue that it agrees with my physical heath, considering I was able to do the job well even with no blood the past few weeks.

All in all, I don’t feel particularly disabled trying to do this job. It’s a great feeling. I really think this is something I can do long term.

I can’t actually post photos of the people I give care to. That’s a huge privacy violation. So please accept this stock photo in its place.

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2021 Planning

Posted August 10, 2020 By kmarrs

I made a goal of getting back into sewing in 2021, at some point during the quarantine. A bit later I dug out my old machine and tested it to see if it worked, because I vaguely remember there being a problem. And I was right. I couldn’t get the needle and bobbin to do their thing.

I set it aside and ordered some oil and new needles as well as more bobbins with the plans of tinkering with it to see if I could get it to work. That was weeks ago and it’s all just sort of sat in my living room waiting on me since. I was afraid to try and fix it, because I was afraid of failing.

Anyway, I finally sat down with it this weekend and I managed to get it working which means I’m on track for my 2021 goal of getting back into sewing.

I am going to wait until 2021 to really start because I’m crowd sourcing getting my bills paid at the moment and there just isn’t any allowance for me to go and buy fabric. Hopefully by January I’ll have steady income again and can go to the fabric store without guilt.

My first project will be a couple of pairs of flannel sleep shorts for Sammy. I’ll get an extra half yard of flannel to remind myself how to do the thing (it’s been 18 years) but then I’ll go to town on shorts for her. Flannel is easy to work with and shorts are a simple enough project. This will help me getting into the swing of using the machine. Plus what little gorl doesn’t like flannel sleep shorts, espcially if she picks out the fabric herself?

Once I’ve mastered flannel I’ll get a pattern for a decent a-line skirt and some decent linen or whatever and start making myself skirts. I’ll be using more expensive fabric, but will have the skill needed to treat it right. A good linen in forgiving and sturdy as hell. It’s also priced with the idea that my great-grandchildren will be able to wear these shirts, in mind. So expensive, but worth it. I will not be working with polyester. Polyester is plastic. So 100% cotten, linen, wool, silk, etc only.

Once I’ve masters that, it’s over for you bitches, and I’m moving on to cotton dresses in my favorite 1950s cut and style. I love dresses like this:

So the thought of making my own out of cute cottons is giving me life.

I can also make my own flannel shirts and not be limited to plaid flannel (Not that there is anything wrong with a standard plaid flannel. But…)

I will have the power to do what I want, and no laws of fashion can stop me!

Anyway, I’m too broke to fabric shop right now which is OK since getting back into sewing was my 2021 goal. But in the meantime the machine is working, so assuming I’m working too, there is nothing holding me back come the new year.

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I’ve Been Writing

Posted July 27, 2020 By kmarrs

I’d never written fanfiction before. Hell, I only rarely even read it. But I got a story idea that just wouldn’t go away so I sat down eariler this past week and wrote my first and last fanfiction. It is a 1300 word one shot focused on a confession immediately taking place where the show leaves off. I’ve been told it’s sweet and wholesome.

A Thousand Kisses from You (1328 words) by madhattermax
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Good Omens – Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Characters: Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Asexual Relationship, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fluff
Summary:
The kiss was as tender as only 6000 years of pining could achieve. However, that’s not where this journey begins. That’s where this journey leads. In the beginning, there was a quiet walk to the bookstore from the Ritz, the day after the aborted Armageddon.

Then I started getting kudos and comments and realized that writing things like this and putting them out there was a hell of a high and maybe if I came up with another plot idea, I’d go ahead a write it. I figured that’d be months away, but I was open to the idea.

An Aura of Demonic Love (1100 words) by madhattermax
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Good Omens – Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fluff, aziraphale takes the lead
Summary:
Aziraphale takes a sip of wine, his eyes not wavering from Crowley’s. “I can sense love, you know. Are you ready to talk about it? It’s been over 6000 years, so I am.”

Surely that was it though? I’d written two short and sweet confession pieces. Purely wholesome. Sweet as sugar. I was done.

But, I’d been receiving good reviews on writing them ace. But I had only ever implied they were ace, mostly by dropping it in the notes, and by omitting lemons. What if they blatantly stated they were ace and didn’t even kiss, but still showed affection because they are in love? I was asking the important questions. I was also learning you have to sometimes write the representation you wish to see in the world.

Ineffably Ace Husbands (1172 words) by madhattermax
Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: Good Omens – Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), Asexual Relationship, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Asexual Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Crowley (Good Omens), Soft Aziraphale (Good Omens), Fluff
Summary:
Aziraphale looks down, avoiding Crowley’s eyes. “There is only one nonhuman I know of who could tempt me in that direction. Though I prefer to avoid sex altogether, if it were someone I loved, I might consider it as a sign of my affections. However, there are a million and one ways I prefer to show my feelings in place of sex.”
Crowley pauses, and studies Aziraphale’s face then breaks into a soft smile. “Yes, Angel, I do see your point. I understand humans have sex as a means of expressing affection. However, I mostly see it as a way of repopulating the earth, and I too have other ways of showing how I feel.”

I was done.

But what if…

Wild Thing, You Make My Heart Sing (1175 words) by madhattermax
Chapters: 1/?
Fandom: Good Omens – Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV)
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens)
Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens)
Additional Tags: Femme Crowley (Good Omens), Asexual Relationship, Asexual Aziraphale (Good Omens), Established Relationship, Established Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Summary:
She is stunning. Crowley was always a sight to behold, in Aziraphale’s opinion, but something about the long wavy hair loose, if not for the victory curls, and the fit of the dress she is wearing makes Aziraphale’s breath catch and pulse quicken. Is that a hot flash? Aziraphale is definitely having a hot flash.

Fuck. Chapters. So much for ~1200 word one shots.

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Calamus Swamp and Photo Dump

Posted July 13, 2020 By kmarrs

I honestly thought swamps were only in the southern United States like Florida. However, a friend posted about a local swamp they went to and all the frogs they saw/heard and I was super excited. Within a week Iris, Lucas, Sammy, and I were at the swamp frog watching and hiking the trail. Then a couple of days later I went back with Robin. It was glorious. The frog songs lifted my spirits. The startled splashes as they hid from us were endless fun. We did see a few. And I got some photos. I also took photos of the flowers, greenery, and the swamp in general. I’m going to go ahead and dump them here. There are… a lot. I’d apologize but I wouldn’t mean it.

I’ve decided that once or twice a month, from now until forever, we’re going to explore Ohio. The fact that there was a swamp with frogs only 27 miles away and I didn’t know about it, is tragic. So I’m dedicating myself to exploring trails, reserves, and parks in Ohio that are outside my usual stomping ground.

Later this month we’re going to Clifton Gorge. It’s about an hour away, just to the east of Dayton. In August we’re going to take a day trip up to Lake Erie. Then in September and October, we’re going to explore a couple of caves at Hocking Hills. Next spring we’ll visit the waterfalls there.

I want to see Ohio. I love nature. I love hiking. I love bonding with my family. I can’t afford to pay admission for all of us to do things like Cedar Point. But the parks? Parks are free and amazing!

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