Archive for December, 2009


Posted December 27, 2009 By kmarrs

Today my blog, this blog, turns 1 year old. For a year now I’ve stuck with this. In 12 months I’ve written 26 blog articles on BPD. I’ve written 754 total posts. 755 if you count this one. Each post is one more glimpse into the mind of BPD.

And we have a new milestone.

As of Christmas day the new address for this blog is While the old address will transfer you seamlessly to the new address, you might as well update your address books now. It puts my (ok my mom’s, it was a gift) 10$ a year to good use.

Goals. I should have goals for the next blogging year.

1. I want business cards. I know where I can get them and only pay for shipping and handling. There is no reason I can’t do that. So by this time next year I’ll have business cards that I can hand out.

2. 26 blog articles will turn into 50.

3. I will get the rest of the DBT weeks posted.

4. I will have 50 posted blogger followers.

5. I will reach the 1000 post marker. If the coming year follows the pattern of the past year I should reach around 1500, but I’d rather set my sights low and blow the goal out of the water. Besides, you never know what a depressive mood might do to my posting motivation.

6. I will buy my dot com for my photo blog. I hate it’s current URL and I don’t even know what it is, to be honest.

7. I will do my best to get my blog within the first 20 pages when you do a google search for BPD and Borderline personality disorder. It will take years to get on the first page so I’m not going to make that goal just yet.

Are there any goals you would like to set for me? More posts about such and such? Less posts about such and such? More pics on the photo blog (I realize that is sorta separate from this blog but they are connected in my mind since the photo blog is therapy to me)? Less pics on the photo blog? Any blog articles you would like to see? Would you like to see me explain anything better?

Wow, a whole year. Where did the year go?

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Posted December 26, 2009 By kmarrs

1. What did you think of 2009?
I think it was a decent year. A few bad things happened, like my accident that killed my car, but the year could have been worse. I got back on meds this year and that’s a good thing. Pat decided to leave me this year, and that’s a bad thing. But it seems he’s changed his mind for now and that’s a good thing. I don’t know, it’s been a decent year.

2. What do you think was the news story of the year?
Michael Jackson’s death

3. What happened this year that you never want to hear another word about?
Michael Jackson’s death, balloon boy and Jon and Kate’s divorce.

4. What was your favorite song of 2009?
That’s a hard question to answer. I’m bad with knowing song titles so I can’t really spit out a title and artist. I can’t even think of lyrics on the spot.

5. What did you accomplish this year?
A few things. I got back on my meds, which is huge. That is a long grueling process finding the right ones, getting through side effects, etc etc etc. We are by no means done with the process but I’ve been working on it since last January or February. I’ve also managed to successfully stay away from alcohol. I don’t have a drinking problem but I’ve come a little too close for comfort to having one. So when I was told to be careful drinking while on my meds, I took that to literally mean no alcohol. There was the one girl’s night with Stacy and Kate that I did get a little drunk but one time in one year isn’t bad at all.

6. Did you learn anything new this year?
I’m manipulative.

7. What are you looking forward to in the new year?
New car! I still don’t know how the whole car situation is going to work out. We’ll have to play it one day and dollar at a time but we are getting a new car and it’s long over due.

8. What are your plans for New Year’s Eve?
I plan to sleep through it. Unless Pat makes me do something. But he hates how anti-new years I am so I’m thinking he’ll leave me alone this year.

9. What’s the best thing you ever did on a New Year’s Eve?
I don’t know. I hate the holiday so I tend to scrooge out. There was one year when I had a quiet movie night with Stacy and Pat. That was nice. I wouldn’t mind doing that again.

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Amor Part 2

Posted December 22, 2009 By kmarrs

Pablo, named by Thomas, is back in the house. I don’t think he’s staying for good, but he’s in for now. He wouldn’t leave our back patio.
He’s back outside. This time hopefully for good. He is missed already but I have a feeling that is somebody’s cat. This time I put him out the front door so hopefully he won’t make his way to our back patio.

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Posted December 21, 2009 By kmarrs

So we have the most lovable, sweet kitty in the world camped outside our back door. We let him in to get warm and fed but he hissed at Sophie so we had to shoo him back out. This kitty is no stray though. First off, he’s fixed. He also has a collar and is well fed.

I wants to keep him.

My kitty, Sophie, hates me. She only pays attention to my dad. So having the opportunity to pet a kitty was nice.

Now he’s head butting the door. My will power is failing.

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Disposing of Prescription Drugs – A BPD Dilemma

Posted December 20, 2009 By kmarrs

If you are anything like me, your medicine cabinet is full of prescription drugs that are expired and will never be used. But how to dispose of them? Did you know that disposing of them improperly can lead to drug abuse, accidental overdose and water contamination?

So what do you do with them? You have two options.

1. You can remove them from their original container, orange prescription bottles are easily recognized and can be stolen from the trash or from land fills, and mix them with other garbage like coffee grounds and cat litter in a sealed container.

2. You can also take unwanted drugs to a pharmacy for safe disposal. Most, though not all, pharmacies will gladly dispose of them for you.

Whatever you do, don’t flush them down the toilet. That puts the medication into our water supply. The EPA is currently researching what prescription drugs are doing to our water supplies.

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Drop Box of Random

Posted December 20, 2009 By kmarrs

Work was kinda slow today considering it’s the Saturday before Christmas. I was really surprised. I’m not going in until 11 tomorrow. This makes me really happy.

I’ve had really bad heart burn all day. No, I mean really bad. It was radiating around to my back it was so bad. All the damn long day. And just when it went away I ate dinner and it came back. I’m going to have to see a doctor about this whole acid reflux thing.

I watched the new Star Trek movie and the new X-Files movie. First let me say that I use to love the X-Files. I obsessed over the show. I’m no longer obsessed but I figured since we had netflix I might as well watch the new movie. It was decent. I won’t buy it but it was worth watching once. The Star Trek movie was really good. I find myself hoping they make another. At some point I’d like to rent all the shows and movies and watch them, but that’s a time sink best spent when my kids are grown and less demanding. I remember watching Star Trek with my daddy when I was little. I don’t remember most of anything though. I recognized a lot of the names but I couldn’t remember the faces that went along with for most of them. Some were obvious like Captain Kirk and Spock.

I got stocking stuffers for the boys. Mostly candy and hot wheels cars. Some coloring books, crayons and board books for Luke since he can’t eat most of the candy yet. I spent a good 25$ at the dollar store and another 20$ (I was given a gift certificate) at Krogers. I think this will be a good holiday. The boys are getting just enough but not too much. There are a couple of movies I would have liked to have purchased for either Pat or Thomas but they can wait. The boys are getting 1 toy each from Santa and a couple of minor things from me and Pat. I don’t feel they are getting too spoiled this year.

I’m still stressing over the car thing. We have to baby the car for the next 2 months and see how far we can get with it. When it dies the rest of the way we are screwed until we get my tax return in February. I had big plans for my share of the tax return too. I was going to get some desperately needed new clothes. And there is that point and shoot digi I’ve had my eye on. I also need new work pants and new work shoes. Looks like they will just have to wait another year. Really sucks but pants and shoes won’t get me very far if I don’t have a car. I still don’t know how we’d afford payments. I might have to get a second job. Which is all fine and good but people are having trouble finding first jobs much less second jobs. I also don’t know if I can mentally handle the stress of working two jobs at once. I can’t always handle the stress of one. It would be nice if my father found a reliable income. Then he could help out with the bills some and we could afford a car payment. As it is we’ll probably be limited to what we can pay in full at the time of purchase. So much for our mini van.

I’m so sick of being stressed over money. I know that’s my biggest stresser right now. I don’t think Pat and I would be headed for a divorce if money wasn’t an issue. I think we’d be better off if I could regularly get 40 hours a week but during the off season I’m lucky to get 30 hours. Somehow we always make it but it’s always very close.

Luke is turning into a 2 year old. He has this temper to him that is explosive. He’s also a screamer. He doesn’t say what he’s thinking, he screams it. All day long. He’s still sweet and cuddly sometimes though, so we let him live.

I need to have a good photo shoot with the boys. Not just candids but actual posed stuff. With Thomas it’s like pulling teeth though. I’ve never tried posed stuff with Luke before. Should be fun considering he never stays still.

I need to use my camera more period.

I miss Sally. Sally was my snail. Sally randomly died a week or so ago. At least the other snails gave warning. I need to get a new snail. I get 1 free snail every month. Don’t worry, I don’t actually kill a snail off every month. Just every other month. Or something like that anyways.

I have a 6 year old camped out on my living room floor. I let him stay up late because of the holiday break from school and when he asked to sleep in the living room I didn’t have the heart to say no. I think I’m turning into a softy.


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