Brenda

Easter Sunday

Posted on by kmarrs

To steal a repeating line from my son’s blog: Today was a good day.

We went to Brenda’s house for Easter dinner and an egg hunt. This seems to be an emerging pattern since we did the same last year. Luckily Brenda can cook and the boys like finding eggs.

Unlike last year, when Luke was only 1 and had no interest in the eggs, Luke was an active participant of the egg hunt. He had his own little area where the bigger kids couldn’t hunt so he was set there. And he is low to the ground so he spotted a couple even I couldn’t see. I did point out the rest to him but he did so good. And he was so cute carrying his basket around. It’s about as big as he is so it dragged along the grass as he walked around finding eggs. After his area was clear of eggs he plopped down in the grass and started the task of opening them all up. The coins got handed to me (he made a dollar) and the chocolate got put back in the basket. Thomas, on the other hand, ran around like a maniac finding eggs left and right. He scored quite a bit of candy and 4$! The money earned is going to go towards a snail or two in the fish tank.

All in all it was good good day filled with good friends and good food.

Bits ‘N’ Pieces

Posted on by kmarrs

I’m in the mood to write but I don’t have a solid topic to write about. So I’m just going to piece together some things.

I got my mom to hold 2 rats. It was easier than I expected. She was mostly afraid of being bitten and that they were dirty. She got use to the idea by poking her fingers into the cage to let them nom them. Once I convinced her that rats really are clean animals, it was easy to get her to hold Imp and then Skittles. It seems Skittles is her favorite. He’s the little gray one that we first thought was female until his balls dropped.

I have a confession. The movie Brenda and I are seeing on Wednesday is New Moon. I know, I know. What can I say. I like vampires and I like romances. So a vampire romance… Don’t worry, I think it’s stupid that they sparkle in the sun. I’m not that far gone.

I’m reading Get Me Out of Here by Rachel Reiland. Or I should say rereading. It’s a great true story about a woman who is dealing with BPD. It’s very relevant to what I’m going through. She actually recovers from BPD. Someday I hope to say I’m recovered too.

Work today was good. It went by pretty fast. After work I hung out with mom and the boys. I think it’s going to be a semi regular Sunday evening thing. I don’t spend much time with my mom so it’s a good thing to have the Sunday evening hang out plan.

I’m pulling a 12 hour shift on Tuesday. I’ll get to work at 9am. I’m do maintenance on the C41 (the film processor) until 10am. I’ll work my regular shift from 10am to 5pm. I’ll grab dinner at 5. Then from 5:30pm till 8:15pm I have all sorts of maintenance lined up to do on the 370 (the printer). Then at 8:15pm we have a store meeting going until at least 9pm maybe later.

I think that’s everything. Pat’s home now so I’m going to bed.

Quick Notes

Posted on by kmarrs

We bought the rats unsalted peanuts in their shells today. Watching them fight over 1, when I had the entire bag in my hands was funny. Watching them fight over anything is comical. They don’t fight dirty. They just play grab and run. You’d have to see it to understand. I’m sure David gets where I’m coming from. I held out peanuts and only Imp was willing to take them from me, then the others would take them from Imp. Meanwhile I had all 4 smelling and licking my fingers. They won’t take the damn food from me, but they’ll lick me. Go figure.

So I’m seeing a movie with Brenda on Wednesday. She had hit me up to go to a movie and it just worked out that the movie we want to see comes out this Friday. So we are going Wednesday afternoon. I’m really excited. I’m kinda excited to see the movie in question, but I’m really excited to be going with Brenda. She’s cool to hang out with. I could see her being me in 15 years in some ways.

We got everything we need for our Thanksgiving dinner. I can’t decide if I’m looking forward to it or not. I personally hate the holidays but Thomas is so excited about it. He has a 5 day weekend next week, and he’s currently grounded from, well, everything. So it should make for a long 5 days.

I’m behind on my DBT postings. I keep meaning to do them but they never get done. I can’t do one now because I have to leave to go get Thomas here in 7 minutes. Maybe later tonight I’ll post one if I think about it.

I have parent teacher conferences with Thomas’s teacher tonight. I’m curious what she has to say about him. He’s a smart kid but he is having trouble with reading. He has trouble stringing letter sounds together to make words. And then there is the trouble he’s having by goofing off in the bathroom. So we’ll see what his teacher has to say.

That’s it for now. More later maybe.

BPD Work Ethics and Other Rambles

Posted on by kmarrs

The first thing of note was the accident. Not mine. I witnessed a hit and run accident where a car pulled out into a busy intersection, smashed an oncoming car who had right of way, and kept on going. I stopped and hung out at the scene to be a witness to the accident. The three people in the victim car were really nice and grateful.

The best parts:

The front license plate of the offending car was ripped off the car in the accident and left at the scene, so tracking them down was made easier.

While the police was taking our statements we heard of their scanners that another person had followed the jackass who caused the accident and when they parked someplace, the police were called to that scene. We know it’s the correct car because the license plate numbers and description of the car matched.

Needless to say, the jack ass didn’t get far.

Very best part: Causing the accident, bad. Running from it worse. They just delayed the inevitable and made things worse for themselves by running.

After the police were done with us, I had them follow me back to my house (this happened a block away from where I live) so I could get good shots of the damage and email them to the girl who was hit.

I feel helpful.

Once I was home after that run around I gathered up the littles and took them to Brenda’s. We built a campfire and had hot dogs and s’mores. Thomas got to play ball with Brenda’s youngest and we had a lot of fun just hanging out.

I had a good talk with Brenda about how I’m getting bored at work. It’s something she saw a lot with me at Westerville. When I’m learning something new I soak it in and have a blast. But after awhile it gets to be old news. I am, however, just going to have to learn to get over it. I can’t go getting a new job every time I get bored.

But I’m left to wonder, is this caused by my BPD? I mean really everyone goes through it to some degree, but does my BPD make it worse. I get bored to the point where I do just enough to get the job done and that’s it. No extra effort. And I hate that about myself. Pat calls me the hardest working laziest person he knows. But when I’m bored I just get lazy. At the same time though, I’m the first to volunteer to go that extra mile when needed. I just need that push. Insult my ability to do maintenance and I’ll get a weeks worth done in one afternoon, I’ll just cry while doing it.

I dunno, but I need to figure this shit out. My job isn’t currently at risk but I really want to keep it that way.

School starts in like 11-12 days (the 29th) and I’m not sure if that will make matters worse or better. I’ll have something new going on so it’ll keep me more occupied, but I’m afraid I won’t balance work to school well. I know my family will suffer in the mix. But that’s why I don’t go every quarter. I don’t like that my family suffers but school makes me a better person and will provide for me more options to provide for them.

I know I need to get good grades. I lose my aid if I don’t. So I’ll have to decide early on if this set of classes is going to work out or not and drop them as need be. Which I really don’t want to do, but that will hurt me less in the long run.

I think my biggest concern is that I’m not handling stress well these days. Work or kid stress floors me. I’m not sure how school will add to that mix.

I don’t know.

I just don’t know.

Bad Day

Posted on by kmarrs

I’m not sure how I feel about not being pregnant. Relieved and sad together, really. So I know exactly how I feel.

I electrocuted myself. Not bad enough that I need medical help, but enough it traveled through my body.

I cried in front of the guys at work. My feelings were hurt and I cried.

I annoyed Brenda with my lack of confidence in myself. I don’t like disappointing her.