Broken Hearted

Sometimes it’s the little things that mean the most to me.  Like Pat, Thomas and I getting matching monogrammed stockings for T’s first Christmas.  My mom bought them for us.  Then gladly bought one for Luke when he entered our life.  When Sammy’s turn came mom was happy to purchase again, when I realized they had discontinued our design.  Mom even called up Land’s End asking if it was it at all possible a single teddy bear stocking remained in the darkest corner of their warehouse.  Nope.

My heart broke into a million pieces as I searched high and low across the internet with hopes that somewhere out there was this one little stocking I needed to complete the set.  Sure, Land’s End had other designs.  But to have her be the only one left out of the matching bears?  I couldn’t do it.

Finally, as it got too close to Christmas and a solution wasn’t coming, I decided to go with a dollar store, Baby’s 1st, pink thing to tide us over for a year.  I figured in 12 months time we could reach some solution.

That time has passed.  It’s exactly, from the time I’m typing this anyway, 1 month until Christmas.  A decision needs made.  Do I let her be the odd one out?  Do I replace all of them so that we have 5 that match?  Do we replace some this year and some next to break down the cost, praying we don’t rinse and repeat with another style discontinue?

What could possibly even take the place of those teddy bears I’ve loved for 10 years now? From that moment exactly 10 years ago when I first learned I was pregnant, we have been momma and papa bear.  Each baby in turn being our baby bear.  There is nothing that can take the place of this feeling.  And so few things could be a worthy second best, even.

I’m picky.  I don’t like change.  But my darling girl is my last baby bear and my heart hurts that I can’t get her that last stocking.  And with the clock ticking down and already hours spent searching for the next best thing, nothing else seems to be fitting what my heart is set on.  It’s doesn’t I suppose, have to be bears.  It just has to be as perfect as those bears were.  And simply put, nothing ever could be.


Oh happy days!  I searched and searched last night.  I took to Etsy as my last attempt at success.  And I found them.  THEM.  They aren’t needle point, but quilted sure is fine by me.  They are bears.  They are actually a cuter picture.  And at 7$ each, all 5 will cost the same as just 1 of the old ones.  I’m also supporting a crafter, not a corporation, which is an added win!

I emailed off the question of whether they had 5 on the spot, not yet sure if they were the answer I was looking for.  I don’t like change.  But after dreaming about them all night, and they having the boys go crazy for them when I gave them a peek the next morning, I knew I had my answer.  The deal was cinched when I heard back that she had exactly 5.  Exactly.  Five.

They’ve already been bought.

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