Today has been very stressful for me. The money thing finally came to a head today with the whole cable bill. Pat is trying to solve it by selling his wow account. This breaks my heart to no end but it’s worth 600$. He’s asking 500$ or best offer. I don’t know how low he’ll go. I don’t know when it’ll sell. I don’t know.

I got the call today regarding my job. That’ currently the light at the end of my tunnel. I have paid orientation on Tuesday at 1. Then I imagine I’ll be working from that point on.

It’s going to take a couple of months to get us back in the green. Then we have some family members we need to pay back for various car repairs. I also owe mom for some camera stuff she bought me. Not too much but enough. Then I also need to start working on my tab at the Westerville store. I owe them 100-160$ for some photo finishing. It depends on if I can still get my discount. We’ll see. Some of this might have to come out of our next tax return. The camera bill to my mom and the photo finishing bill will come out of my allowance. It’s been so long since I’ve had allowance I won’t know the difference of getting it then handing it right back over to someone.

I’m just very down today. Depressed really. I’m up to about a 6 or a 7 on a scale of 1-10. Which is a lot higher than where I’ve been at. But it isn’t BPD that’s making me depressed for once. This is all real life.

I just haven’t been working enough and the new job didn’t come fast enough. But we’ll pull through. We always do.

I feel really disconnected from things and that I’ve lost interest in things that normally please me. I have no interest in catching up on the twitter gossip or reading my blogs.

I’m visibly upset. Customers (regulars anyway) and coworkers are asking me what’s wrong. I’m choosing honesty. It’s easier than lying. These are people who I know care. I mean we can’t pay our bills. I’m depressed. Period, end of story. Why lie about it. But I always follow the truth up with, I start my new job Tuesday. That way I can show I’m seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m not all Debbie downer.

I’m trying to distract myself. I need a game. I haven’t had wow in months. I wasn’t playing it enough for it to be worth the 15$ monthly subscription fee. But Lord of the Rings Online has a free 10 day trial. I’m downloading it now. I’ll give it a try and if I like it I’ll buy it later when I can afford it. It isn’t expensive. Whatever, it’s about the distraction. I need it. I’m also very aware that I lose my Internet halfway through the trial so it’s probably a waste to do it now. Whatever, maybe Pat will get his wow account sold and we won’t lose Cable.

Thomas turns 7 in a week. We aren’t exactly able to spoil him this year. I feel really bad about that. But he’s getting a Nintendo DS at the end of the summer. So hopefully that will make up for it. I dunno. Other people will get him things.

According to the downloader I still have 3 hours to go before it’s done. That doesn’t sound right. Whatever, I can’t blog for the next 3 hours. So I’m going to go ahead and end this now.

Night!