I Wish

I wish instead of returning to a job in 6-7 weeks, I was returning to school. I’d give about anything to be able to afford to stop working and focus full-time on a degree. Any degree. Pick one. I have about 3 I’m interested in. But our means of surviving my medical leave are gone at the end of October. Half of it won’t even make it that far. Which is fair. I can’t kick and scream over it. But I am sad. This whole not working thing, has been nice, because I’m frustrated with my current job and the other options out there. Changing jobs, is just another set of frustrations. No set of frustrations is better than the other unless one pays the bills and the other doesn’t. But not working, going to school full-time and getting a degree would allow so much more than what I currently have in front of me. It would also allow the economy to upswing creating hopefully better jobs, or the same old jobs with slightly higher pay. Or, it would allow a newly opened photo studio a chance of survival.

Yes, I do intend to go back to school asap part time. Probably one class at a time until my aid kicks back in and I have to take 2 to qualify. Though by then, Sammy will be older so it won’t be as huge of a thing for me to work, school, and mother so I should be able to handle 2 classes. I don’t know when I’ll take my next class. I know where the money is coming from, but it’s a matter of the money being there and my schedule being there, and my mental health being there. So it might be awhile. I don’t know.

I just wish. I just wish. I just wish.

And sadly, this isn’t even a “I fucked up” when I was 18/19 by dropping out of college. Looking back I was miserable because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and if I had followed down the path I thought I maybe wanted, I would have been even more miserable than I am now. So waiting, while making it hard, was the right thing. It just made things hard.

2 thoughts on “I Wish

  1. I'm just ready to step forward with my personal progression. I have the family I want. The EXACT family I want, even. (Or will once Sammy is born.) I'm ready to focus on me and bettering me. And since this path of bettering me also betters my family… I don't see a problem with it. Except, it doesn't pay the bills.

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