I had group therapy today. And was presented with the perfect opportunity to talk about Pat asking for a divorce. However, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
Part of me doesn’t know what to say. Part of me is in denial. Part of me is dying inside. Part of me hopes he’ll change his mind. Part of me knows divorce will only cause more problems, not fix thing.
I guess the underlying problem is that I’m manipulative. He says he doesn’t blame me for when I’m manipulative because BPD makes me manipulative. He only blames me when I’m manipulative because I make me manipulative and I blame the BPD to get out of trouble. I don’t usually realize I’m even doing it. It’s so second nature to me. And I’m not trying to blame the BPD here. I accept responsibility for it. But that doesn’t mean I know how to change it.
I don’t know. But I’m trying. Hopefully that counts for something.
Meanwhile what am I suppose to say in therapy?