Sick of hearing about the job hunt? Yeah, I’m kinda sick about blogging about it. But well, it’s what I’m doing.

I had my first interview yesterday. I already blogged that I rocked it. But damn did I rock it. Sam and I really hit it off together. She told me up front she was impressed with me. And if she could have hired me on the spot, I think she would have. I walked away knowing I would be working there.

I do have a follow up interview on Friday with Sam’s boss. Sam said she’d put in a good word for me. So I just need to be myself and I’ll be fine. If I get asked to fill out the background check paperwork that means the job is mine as long as I pass the background check. And there is no reason I won’t pass the background check. So I’ll know Friday.

It’s funny because Sam started the interview by asking if I was nervous. I told her no because my fortune cookie from earlier in the day said I’d get the job. She laughed. Then later in the interview she told me to believe the fortune cookie.

All in all I have a good feeling.

So good of a feeling that mom bought me khakis for the new job tonight. I’m leaving the tags on because I don’t want to jinx things.

Then after we were done shopping I called Sam back and thanked her for the interview yesterday and told her I already had my khakis ready to go but that I was afraid of jinxing it. She laughed and promised to put in a good word for me.

So we shall see. I’m now really excited about Friday.

So the job:

Think Walmart only not Walmart (I’ll never work at Walmart, ever. I don’t even shop there if I can help it.). I’ll be a cashier at least to start with potential to move to a different part of the store. Sam was up front that it’s boring monotonous work. I’m just happy that I’m not going to be in charge of maintaining millions of dollars worth of equipment.

Whatever, money is money and I’ll be earning more at the second job than I’m currently making as a supervisor at my first job (less per hour, but more hours). So I’m happy.

They do have a union. Which means when I get pregnant my job is safe.

There is also a structured pay raise chart. After so many hours worked, I get a raise. If I work 25 hours a week, I’ll get a raise in 14 weeks, which doesn’t sound right. 350 hours worked till first raise. 350 divided by 25 hours in a week is 14 weeks. Is my math right? It can’t be right, can it? I’m thrilled if it is right. I might be quitting my current job after all. We’ll have to see how many hours I’m getting week to week and how consistent it is. Because if the math is right, it’ll only take me 28 weeks to reach damn close to what I’m making at my current job, only more hours clocked.

As for getting full time I have to work full time hours for 6 quarters before I’m considered full time. But once I get it, it’s really hard to lose. Unlike my current job where I lost it real fast when the economy tanked. Which I get it. I understand it. I’m really lucky I even have a job. But it’ll be nice to have the security.

So I have goals. I’m going to work my ass off. I’m going to do the best damn job at the cash register that I can. I’m going to move to a more desirable part of the store. I’m going to work my way into management. I’m going to support my family with this. I will dammit, I will!

Oh why can’t tomorrow be Friday? Damn Thursdays. Trying to be Fridays but failing.

Hi my name is _____ and I need help but I don’t know where to find it.

I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve received that email.

So what do you do? Finding a therapist can be daunting. And there are so many ways to go about it. And a lot of therapists and psych doctors have waiting lists a mile long. So what do you do if you need help NOW?

Sometimes the best answer is the one that sucks the most. I’ve been hospitalized twice now, and I know first hand it isn’t fun. But I also know if you go into the hospital without a psychologist, they will appoint you one before you leave. They make sure you have help when you leave the hospital, otherwise you aren’t going home. And believe me, they want you to go home so they will find you someone fast.

How did I get my therapist? Let’s just say my husband made a lot of phone calls to Concord that week. He had every phone in the building ringing off the hook telling everyone who would listen how bad off I was and that I needed help NOW. I was not in need of the hospital. I wasn’t suicidal. But I was in a quick downward spiral of self sabotage. This was back in the days of our separation. Anyway, one of the therapists agreed to take me on as a patient. Julie was a life saver. She was also the one to realize I was borderline. I had a slightly longer wait to get in to the psychologist. But that was expedited as well due to my condition. It was obvious I needed to be on meds asap.

Now, do I recommend having a loved one, or yourself, do what Pat did to get you help? Not really. He lucked out. But if all else fails, it is a method.

So here is the plan: If you need help NOW go to the nearest hospital with a psych ward and have yourself admitted. It sucks, I know. But it will get you the help you need. Otherwise, do your research and find a therapist or a psychologist nearby that can take you on and get on that waiting list. In the left hand column is a link for each state that should give you a starting point. If you don’t live in the states, Google search is your best bet. Include the word DBT in your search and you have better odds of finding someone who knows about borderline personality disorder and how to treat it. Which is always helpful.

And if you need help finding help, don’t be afraid to ask me. I’m always happy to see what I can do. I can’t make any promises but I’m always happy to try.

Finally, if you know of a good therapist or Psych in your area that knows how to treat BPD or runs DBT and they have a website, please comment with it or email me it so I can add it to the column on the left. I’m trying to grow and extensive database.

I’m not going to go into detail because it isn’t my story to tell. But what I can say is I have a reader in Israel who is looking to get some help. I found some info about their main hospital that looks promising and I passed that on. Tracy also gave me a link to another blog written by someone who might be able to help, so I passed that on as well. Now I’m just waiting on a response. Thanks to Tracy. And everyone else who did any research into this with me. Hopefully help will be found.

No one has ever rocked an interview quite like I just rocked my interview. I have a final interview on Friday at 4. I’m very confident about this.

BTW I know my interview was suppose to be tomorrow but it got moved up.

Alright guys here is the deal, I need to find a therapist, who speaks English, in Israel. One who knows about BPD is ideal, but at this point we’ll take what we can get. Anyone know of any resources for finding this stuff in foreign countries? I’ll be doing some research too, but if anyone knows anything the help would be appreciated!

I’m not for sure which med is the culprit when it comes to not being able to lose weight. I think it’s the Geodon. It’s not going to be a listed side effect because it isn’t causing weight gain. It’s just not allowing weight loss. It could be either of my meds really. And with their powers combined I am captain fat ass.

Tracy made mention in the comments about hating the phrase “watching” or “cutting back” on “carbs” because “fruits are carbs too”. Yeah fruit is carbs too. I’m mostly referring to watching the empty carbs. As in i don’t need to sit down and eat a loaf of french bread or a million cookies. Carbs that do nothing for me, I’m keeping an eye on. But I’m not going to eat a breadless sandwich. Or anything stupid like that. If we have a pasta night I’ll eat it.

I don’t have any real rules to this. It’s hard because I like food. I’m not going to say I’m 100% perfect at this. But I’m trying. And while I’m avoiding the scale I’m noticing my pants getting looser on me. So that tells me I’m doing good enough. And well, that’s good enough.

I’m also drinking a lot more water. I can’t really say I’m getting my 64oz a day, but I’m getting a lot more than I was. I spend life on the verge of dehydration. So I’m trying to fix that. I’m noticing it’s helping with hunger. Times I think I’m hungry (unless it’s obviously meal time) I drink some water. If I’m still hungry I allow myself a snack. Otherwise I was just thirsty. More often than not, I was just thirsty. I don’t know how much longer the water thing is going to last. I have to buy bottled water because tap water is nasty. When food stamps run out for the month, I’ll be SOL. My mom has filtered water I can get, but I don’t have jugs to lug it home with me.

All I know is that this would be a lot easier in some ways if I wasn’t on my meds. But what I go through off my meds just isn’t worth it. I’d rather struggle with my weight and be balanced, then be skinny and a wreck.