When Paper Work Affects A Life: Health Insurance and BPD

pills medication BPD Borderline Personality Disorder Depression  Anxiety BipolarAs I type this I’m currently withdrawing from Ativan because I ran out.  I ran out because a minor paperwork fuck up with welfare caused us to lose our insurance for a month.  It’ll be back on May 1, they assure us, and in the meantime if we pay out-of-pocket for the medication Lucas and I need, they will reimburse us.

Because yes, I have a couple grand just laying about.  Luke’s meds alone cost $500.  My Ativan wouldn’t be too bad, but my Geodon dose that I’m running out of next weekend is over a grand by itself and that withdraw is brutal.  Not to mention it’s one of the top medications I take.

So some guy sitting in an office made a mistake, and now we either come up with a couple thousand dollars, that they’ll pay back, or Luke and I proceed to run out of medication one at a time.  Thank God his Vyvanse that he ran out of 2 weeks ago doesn’t cause withdraw.  It just leaves him suffering serious and sometimes dangerous ADHD symptoms.  This is the kids that tried to fly a few years back when he was unmedicated.  That physics experiment left him with a broken wrist.  Luckily age has brought him some wisdom.

Then there is me.  A month ago I was attempting to get myself admitted because I was in rough shape, and now I can’t even take my meds properly.  How is this ok in someone’s eyes.

Anyway, we’re not taking this sitting down.  Pat is writing angry emails to supervisors and spelling out the facts.  We can’t afford to pay out-of-pocket and we can’t afford for me to run out of Geodon.  I can go without my Ativan and I’ll survive the withdraw.  I can even go without my anti-depressant, I might just need to hide for a few days.  But man-o-man is that Geodon withdraw nasty.  I’ll be going from 80 MG to nothing cold turkey, I have no means of tapering down, and unless they find a solution, I have no power to prevent it.

You can’t just cold turkey meds.  Medical rule #1.  You can’t cold turkey psyche meds.  It’s dangerous.  It causes bigger problems.  The list of side effects of a cold turkey is worse than the symptoms themselves.  For reference, if I was on a larger dose of Ativan, I could be suffering seizures right now.  Instead, and thankfully, I’m only light-headed, nauseous, agitated, and suffering worse anxiety than usual.

But man the Geodon.

Thank You!

BPDThank you friends/family/readers for listening to me rant.

Thank you congress for deciding something. (Yes it still has to pass the Senate but it looks like it will.)

Thank you Gabby Giffords for making the rest of congress look bad. (My opinion. I’ll support it but I’d rather play nice.) Some are of the opinion this wouldn’t have passed without you. I don’t know if that’s true. But you certainly at least helped!

I don’t know who came up with the plan (rep, dem, Jesus). I don’t know all the details, though I’ve been reading about it some. I don’t really care. Something is getting passed in time.

What I’ve read looks mostly good. I mean there are parts I don’t like, fine. But we all knew everyone wasn’t going to like all of it. Compromise. We can do it.

It looks like there are still decisions to be made, with a backup plan in case that doesn’t happen.

So really, we’re cool.

Why I Care and Facts, Vulgar Free

BPD and justified RantsIn case you couldn’t get past the F-bombs, here is a few vulgar free reasons of why I care about this whole debt ceiling thing, when I’m normally blissfully clueless to stuff like this. And even if you did read the entire previous post, this still touches on a few things I didn’t previously touch on and goes blunt and/or in-depth with a few others. And while the following examples are indeed selfish to me and my family, millions of families can relate to them.

  1. I’m due with a baby a month after the deadline. At that time, I either will or won’t have health insurance, depending on the decision made. With no way of putting a back-up plan into place. Unless you count years of debt, to be a back-up plan.
  2. If I paid for my mental health meds out of pocket, the cost would be between 1-2000$ a month. I make, roughly 1000$ a month. Without the meds, I can’t work. I don’t know what the out of pocket cost for my therapy and monthly visits to the psychiatrist, needed to get the scripts, cost. But it’s a moot point since we are already spending more on treatment than my job brings in. A job I can’t hold without the meds and therapy…
  3. Pat’s SSI check, that he gets due to being legally, unquestionably, and permanently disabled, is almost the exact amount of our rent. So it pays our rent. It’s the one bill we never have to worry about. So if the debt ceiling isn’t raised, there goes our rent money. I could pay it out of my paycheck, which would leave about 300$ to go to other bills, and that’s assuming that I can even work without any form of treatment for my own disabilities.
  4. Currently, we are on the verge of dangerously being low on food. We weren’t exactly getting much in food stamps these past 6 months. Due mostly to error on the side of the government, but that is neither here nor there. So we supplemented the best we could with my paychecks. Then I went a month without any income. Followed by a month of GREATLY reduced income due to my own current inability to work, and my short term disability check (Through work not the government… I paid into that for a year to cover my ass for when I got pregnant or if I had a mental break down. Didn’t expect them to go hand in hand.) only being a fraction of my normal check. We’ve done the best we can in the past 2 months, but cupboards are getting dangerously bare. Depending on the decision made by congress, we either will or won’t be able to fill the cupboards and fridge. Though, I will note we will get our August food assistance before the deadline so it will be September and there after that is affected. I don’t like being on food stamps. I’m not proud of it. It isn’t bragging rights. But most of what we currently get, we get because Pat is disabled, not because we are under the poverty line. And with my current paycheck situation, we are very grateful. Oh and yes, there is always the food pantry, but donations are down (because of the economy which will be utterly destroyed even more if the debt ceiling doesn’t get raised), and if the government is no longer cutting checks, the food pantry has NO means of restocking it’s shelves.
  5. I could get a better job to get us out of the poverty line, but at this point, doing so would involve a better education. Which would be paid for by government grants. Which won’t exist if, well, you see where this is going…

Here is where it affects you:

  1. Do you want to retire at 65? You are either going to need you SSI or serious investments. Both will be gone if this doesn’t get fixed now. Your investments gone? Well yeah, the economy is holding on by a string as it is. Stocks are steady because people are praying that the deadline is met. If it isn’t, stocks plummet, the economy goes beyond recession, and that affects everyone in and out of this country. You’ll be no better off than my family, really. It just won’t hit you quite as fast.
  2. There are some rather important things paid for by those checks. I’ll let your imagination go crazy here, but I’ll get you started: prisons.

So, why this is all stupid right down to even having a debt ceiling?

  1. We are the only Democratic country, besides Denmark, that even has one and everyone else seems to be doing just fine without.
  2. Back when the debt ceiling was put in place, it was Congress’s way of controlling the President’s spending. Back then, the President was able to write checks with little to no control from Congress. So Congress put in the debt ceiling so at least he had a budget to stick to. Since then, things have changed, and the President can no longer just randomly write checks. Everything gets approved by Congress and they indeed set up a budget of what can get how much and the President has to stick to it.
  3. Speaking of which, the need to raise the debt ceiling is so that the budget that Congress long ago approved, can actually be paid for. So basically, they handed Obama a stack of pre-approved, by them, bills and said “Here, pay these” but refuse to guarantee him enough money to actually do it. Ironically, in this situation, it’s actually Obama, and not Congress, who decides what bills get paid and which don’t. Technically, he can write the checks, all of them regardless, and it isn’t like they will bounce, but it would be him ignoring the debt ceiling. Either way, if the ceiling doesn’t get raised, he’s the breaking law. Because he’s been ordered to execute two laws that are in direct contrast to one another. He can’t legally do his job in regards to them both, if the ceiling isn’t raised.
  4. The debt ceiling has been raised 76 times since it was established in 1917. 10 of those times have been in the past 10 years alone. It normally doesn’t take much to raise it. Never this much drama. All it takes is a vote on a spending hike or a tax cut.

Look, I’m no expert, but there are a few things that just seem like they just be common sense. At least to me.

First and foremost, argue what taxes get raised and what budgets get cut later. For now, do the bare minimum and agree to raise the debt ceiling, or even get rid of it, in time for checks to get written in August. Hash out the details when you aren’t seriously running out of time. In fact, can’t the details be argued later when the actual yearly budget is being set? Or are you planning to do this again when it’s budget time…

If you insist on hashing details right this very moment, then let’s look at a few things. First of all, the rich aren’t being properly taxed because back when Bush was in office, you seemed to think it would help the economy. Many years later, you are all still campaigning on the grounds that the economy is still really screwed up. So, maybe it’s time to start properly the people who can afford to be taxed. The whole debt ceiling issue is because you are spending more than you are bringing in in a monthly basis. (Which is something many Americans can relate to.) So maybe you should look to increase your income. It’s what everyone else does. Taxing the rich would indeed raise your income.

In fact, and I can’t verify this, I’ve heard rumors that even the middle class are agreeing to pay more taxes if it means this whole issue goes away. Though, if you raise taxes on the middle class but not the upper class, you might have bigger problems.

Look, I know legalizing pot will mostly help the state level governments with the sales tax and all. However, it will create many jobs and you would receive the income tax. Some of which might actually generate some serious income. May or may not end up equating to small change in comparison to the million dollar crisis, but as someone who lives on pennies at times, I can assure you, every penny counts.

I’m sure there are at least a few other things here and there that you can nickle and dime to generate more income or lower bills.

But no matter what, unless there is a drastic overhaul and a few wars are stopped in their tracks (we’d be ok with this btw) you are going to be spending more than you are earning. So there is going to be debt. So isn’t it time to just raise the ceiling already? Or seriously consider getting rid of something that isn’t even in the constitution and is just a random outdated law that was later made obsolete?

Just a thought. Or two.


The Following Involves Many Uses of the "F" Word

BPD and justified RantsSo if you are going to be offended, wait why do you even read this blog to begin with then?

Also, please note I generally don’t discuss politics and most certainly not economics. Ever. Anywhere. Aside from the general, “I’m voting for so an so” with maybe a brief semi-informed answer as to why. I don’t read/watch the news. I’m not the most informed person in general when it comes to anything. So discussing something I really don’t know about gives way too much opportunity for me to show my stupid. I don’t need the help in that. No, really. I went to American schools, I’m stupid enough as it is.

Finally, while the following is technically addressed to both Obama and Boehner, Obama is, to my knowledge, at least working on my side so that is appreciated. But I’m not playing favorites here. Otherwise I’m a hypocrite and leaving myself open to “well if so and so can do it then why can’t so and so version 2.douche-canoe.” (Oh apparently I’m using the phrase douche-canoe too, not just fuck. But douche-canoe is a beautiful phrase and I don’t apologize for using it. Ever.)

Alright, shall we continue?

Dear Obama and Boehner,

Really? You really, both of you within a week of each other and within just a few weeks of this country going into crisis, threw a fucking hissy fit worthy of my 3-year-old and walked out of meetings being held to prevent said crisis? Did you stomp up the stairs and slam your bedroom (or office) door too? No? Well, you might as well. My 8-year-old can teach you a beautiful technique as to how to do this effectively. But then, that does give the rest of us adults the authority to yell after you, “Unslam that door!” If we’re really pissed over it, and I assure you we are, we might also force you to practice walking up and down the stairs “nicely”. Kinda like unslamming the door, but involves more energy and encourages a lot more grumbling. Though, from what I gather, you are both REALLY FUCKING GOOD at the grumbling by now.

So lets look at the bottom line, because you (collective you to all of congress who might as well read this over your shoulders, not just you two asshats with the temper tantrum that is now on record in history) made me Google this shit so that I would have a better understanding as to why exactly my family stands to be royally fucked over here in about a week. (More on that later. And oh trust me, it’s coming.)

Ok, so the debt-ceiling is in effect, the limit on what the government is allowed to borrow from China? No? It’s what we are allowed to borrow from our own country? Wow. Ok. So we aren’t allowed to owe ourselves any more money. Good to know. (Please note, maybe this does include what we are allowed to borrow from other countries, but the examples I’ve seen only list things within this country, so that’s what I know of for sure.) Well then, it must never get raised since this is such a huge deal right now. I mean, wow. I can see why doing something for the first time might make you nervous. I remember, not so fondly actually, the first time I had sex… Wait, we’ve raised this 10 times in the past 10 years alone (and 76 times in the history of it’s existence) and all it usually takes is you guys agreeing on a vote for a spending hike or tax cut? Which you do, well, a lot? Wow. Mind. Blown.

Well then, here is a suggestion, (and I don’t exactly have many helpful ones other than the general DO YOUR FUCKING JOB THAT WE VOTED YOU INTO OFFICE TO FUCKING DO) why don’t you vote on a tax hike for the wealthy that you refuse to properly tax on the grounds that it will help the economy, even though it really doesn’t seem to be helping the economy all that much, if at all. Granted, I don’t have facts and figures here, but the economy still seems to suck right now, so I am making a few assumptions. And since many of you are campaigning on the grounds of the economy suckage, you seem to agree with me. Anyway, to my, admittedly limited understanding, taxing the rich, would actually increase the government’s revenue making it so we don’t have quite as much debt to begin with, and would be that much closer to affording the monthly bills. Plus, the rich, unlike a lot of the rest of the tax payers you happily tax right now, can afford the tax hike. So while they might grumble, and I’m sure they will, it won’t actually hurt them. Though the concept of hurting the American people financially, seems to be beyond your grasp of sight and reason. Also, if you can cut spending here and there in reasonable places, then by all means go for it. We’ll start with at least half of the things listed here. Though, maybe those things are more important than I’m giving them credit for. I just would think we’d have a few higher priorities right now. I dunno. Toys or means for our government and it’s people to survive basic function? Kinda like using the rent money and food budget to buy a new computer. (Which, btw, that’s MY rent money and food budget you are spending. But again, more on that later.)

Now, according to CNN, the whole reason to have a debit ceiling is to force you guys to take a look, every so often, at the “fiscal direction this country is headed”, and is meant to be raised as needed. Which, btw, shocked me because I thought it was to give you douche-canoes (again all of congress, not just the two people this is addressed to) something to fight about. So again… MIND.FUCKING.BLOWN. Then I learned that it doesn’t actually do anything to force you guys to “pull in the purse strings” as CNN put it. So it’s there, you’re fighting about it, but you aren’t even using it for it’s real intended purpose. Noting that it was established in 1917 and was set at $11.5 billion, I can see why it needs to be able to be raised. I mean, with inflation over time and all, that $11.5 billion is spent in about a single day, these days. So again, it would stand to reason, just fucking raise it already! And when we aren’t so crunched for time, also iron out what gets cut, where taxes get increased, and all that jazz. That, or you can just get rid of the debt ceiling, since it’s not actually doing what it’s suppose to be doing and is really, just one more thing for you to fight over. Kinda like my kids, you have plenty to fight over without this issue.

Hey, quick question, just off the top of my head… when you guys are forced to stop social security, government based insurance like medicare and medicaid, food stamps, government funded programs, and such, will you guys still be getting your pay checks? What about the military? (I’m ok with the military getting paid. They are actually doing their jobs. Ahem.) I guess I could look it up, but I figured asking you would force you guys to go “Oh wait”. Because if you WILL still get paid, we’re pissed. If you won’t still get paid, then you guys might want to figure something out fast.

Also, to my understanding, this seems to be a Democrat verses Republican issue. Fine. You guys don’t get along. Never have, really, so I don’t expect that to change anytime soon. But let’s look at what you do have in common, besides hopefully the goal of taking care of your nation’s people and bettering the country, when you aren’t fighting that is. All of you were elected into the job you currently hold, and you better believe we won’t hesitate to elect you right out of it. And with a MAJOR election coming up in just a few months over a year from now, I assure you, this whole bullshit situation will be fresh on many minds. Even more so, if suddenly millions lose the means to support and take care of themselves because you guys fucked up. Even if that lasts for only a month. We’re taking names. You better FUCKING believe we’re taking names. And those of you who storm out of meetings for not getting you’re way, are on the top of the list. Obama, dude, I like you and all. I voted for you. And unless Gary Johnson gets the Republican nomination, I’ll be voting for you again. Unless you fuck this all up. Storming out, btw, does count as fucking this all up. Just saying. So maybe you should all reach some sort of agreement, if not for your people and government you are sworn in to run, but so that you can keep the jobs you so desperately want. I’ll settle for selfish reasons if it gets the job done.

So now, let’s look at why I actually care when I’m normally clueless as to what’s going on around me. Bottom line: with my husband permanently legally disabled, and me temporarily disabled, we are very highly dependent on you guys right now. Aside from the very small check I receive from work because I paid into short term disability which will stop coming before I go back to work, you guys are all we have until at least October. My husband’s SSI goes to paying our rent. If the debt ceiling isn’t raised, we are homeless. For now, at least, 95% of our food comes from food stamps, since I’m not working. If the debt ceiling isn’t raised, my household goes hungry. And currently, what I actually care about more than any of this, is that our insurance, for ALL of us in my household, for better or worse, is though you. If you don’t raise the debt ceiling, we lose it in August. At 34 weeks pregnant, due about a month after your deadline, this scares me. To the point that yesterday when I thought I was going into labor prematurely, I actually vocalized out loud that, “Well, at least we’ll for sure have insurance for this delivery.” And instead of looks of “Wow, you be crazy” I got nods of “Yeah, you make a good point.” I mean, birth is expensive. And if we had some sort of warning, we would have figured something else out, or most likely just done everything possible to NOT get pregnant ever again. But this snuck up when it was WAY to late to change our minds. Thanks? And then postpartum, I immediately start back up on 4 different major meds for a very delicate mental health situation. My monthly Geodon bill alone is over 1000$. I make about that in a month of actual work, not short term disability. Granted, I won’t be able to see my psychiatrist that I can’t afford without my insurance, to even get the script in the first place, so I guess I won’t have to worry about affording the meds she prescribes me. (I could get insurance privately or through work, but even if I could afford it, this is a pre-existing condition so it won’t be covered. Btw, how is Obamacare going, since that is suppose to fix such bullshit? Not that it matters if you guys don’t raise the debt ceiling to afford that either.) So what I’m saying is, even after I have this baby that maybe starting August 2nd, I can no longer afford, I won’t be able to do anything about what is considered severe mental health. Ok. Well, my meds prevent me from killing myself and others. So if I do indeed kill myself, I’ll let you cover my funeral costs and take over supporting my family. And if I go on a killing spree, I’ll let you cover the costs of my attorney. I do realize this will have to come out of your personal pockets, since the government won’t have the funds to cover it. Wait, if the government can’t cut checks, how will prisons remain running? Wow. Maybe I had less to worry about than I thought since you won’t be able to send me to prison. Though I’d be pleading insanity, and would be sent to a mental hospital, not prison, but I think you guys fund those too, so once again, same boat. For you. (Are public attorneys, prison and mental hospital funded at a federal or state level? I assume the federal government helps at least a little. But I don’t honestly know. But we’ll pretend federal to help with my point. This is America, I don’t need to be accurate.)

Here’s a thought. Why don’t we let some people out of prison. Money saved. We’ll start with the people who are in there for smoking pot. I mean, since those crimes aren’t actually a danger to ANYONE and are redonkulous and all. While we’re on the subject of pot, you know, if you legalized it, and then taxed the shit out of it, not only would you be able to actually pay off some of the nation’s debt (it would be nice to be owned by us, not China) BUT you might not have to tax the rich after all. Granted, I know the sales tax goes to the state level (it does, right?) but the income tax from the jobs it would create does go straight to you. Oh yeah, this pot idea also creates jobs, which is another problem we seem to be having as a nation lately.

I’d also like to briefly mention that this whole debit ceiling crisis, while it most obviously affects this nation, it also affects EVERY OTHER NATION ON THIS PLANET. You are making us look bad. We don’t need help with this. Really. Our education level, cheezeburger network, and overall existence does a good enough job of that as it is. We embarrass ourselves. But can we at least try to keep our vast level of stupidity within our borders? Do we need to screw everyone else over as well?

In closing, here is an offer: If you guys can’t fucking manage to do your fucking jobs, I’d be happy to step in and do it for you. Dibs on your insurance, btw. So much better than me own. I realize I might be only semi-informed, but unlike you douche-canoes, I’d be happy to take a shot at common fucking sense. Which starts at ignoring the political party of the person suggesting the idea, and actually looking at if the idea makes sense and solves the problem. I never said this would be easy, but pick something. You’re running out of time! We can tweak it later when it isn’t damn near, and in some cases literally, life and death for MILLIONS for a decision to be made. (With as many meds as seniors are on that keep them alive, that the government pays for, it really is life and death for some. Not just people like me who stand a decent chance of killing ourselves over this bullshit.)

This site gave me most if not all of my facts and figures and in a couple cases (maybe 3) I directly cut and pasted there exact wording for a phrase. Though the bulk of this came from me, and I’m not making any profit off of it. So please don’t sue me. Because when the government stops cutting checks in a week, I won’t have access to a public defender, I don’t think. And then I’ll be really screwed.

I Voted

This is huge for me since I’ve only ever voted once before and that was to vote Obama.

I almost didn’t vote today. Mostly because I just didn’t care. I’m so sick of the name calling and mud slinging on tv and the radio and online and in the papers and everywhere you I he she they them fucking look it’s making me sick to my stomach to just think about it. I think no one bothers to say where they stand in the commercials, they just trash their opponent. So I wasn’t going to vote. I didn’t want to play that game.

But then at work, I saw all the stickers. All the “I voted stickers” and I started to think of the sticker on my computer monitor. The one I got when I voted for Obama. Which got me thinking about Obama. Poor guy is having a tough time right now. So very many people in this country are against him. I still stand by him. I’m proud to stand by him. I will vote for him again. I stand by my president. But not a lot of people do. Right now he has the advantage of the majority of Congress being Democratic. That’s the only ground he has to stand on. And even that is slipping.

Standing at the electronic voting thing I saw a lot of names before me with their party next to them. And I with each name a commercial flashed before my mind with the mudslinging and name-calling. And my stomach churned. But I did the best I could. I voted in as much support for my president as I could.

It’s hard to vote when you don’t know who is right and who is full of shit. Well, I take that very last part back. They are all politicians, they are all full of shit. But you don’t know for sure who is right. IS there even a right and a wrong? Who is the best person? Voting is hard, but I did it.

But I stand by my vote, for better or worse, till the next election we do part.

Oh and my Obama sticker has a new friend. It turns out I’m now collecting “I voted” stickers on my monitor.