BPD Blog Article

How to Make Someone with BPD Happy

Posted on by kmarrs

clipart-stop-sign-512x512-bb91There truly is a great info in this article.  I give no argument to that.  However I have one simply request:  If you are here it is a fair guess to say you have Borderline Personality Disorder.  Or maybe a loved on has it.  If that is the case, please take some time and look around this site.  This blog is filled with great information for those with BPD and those who love them.  It is my honor to have you here and I hope you                                               enjoy your stay, whether it be 5 minutes or you come back day after day.

I am looking to do a series of guest posts under this topic. If you would like to chime in, please by all means chime in with your 2 cents via email. All that I ask is that you keep it respectful. Here is response #2 to this challenge!

Author Bio – Audrey Porterman is the main researcher and writer for doctoralprograms.org. Her most recent accomplishment includes graduating from Ohio State, with a degree in business management. Her current focus for the site involves Computer Science PHDs and PHDs in Education Online.

Managing a psychiatric condition such as borderline personality disorder can be hard on the people who have it, as well as the people who love them. When you love someone with BPD, you just want to do whatever you can to make that person happy. However, it can be difficult to understand just how to do that.

While every person who has borderline personality disorder will deal with the condition differently and have different needs, there are a few universal things you can do to help someone with BPD to be happy. Here are a few ideas:

 Encourage Self-Worth
Those who suffer from borderline personality disorder experience a low and unstable self-image. They doubt their own worth, and they have a hard time accepting love from others. You can help a person with borderline personality disorder be happy by encouraging a sense of self-worth. Help them to see their own value and to recognize what they have to offer others. Emphasize their talents, the positive aspects of their personality, or other valuable aspects of their character.  

Help Them Feel Accepted
People with borderline personality disorder constantly worry about being rejected. In fact, many of their outbursts can be caused by hypervigilence to signs of real or perceived rejection. Help them to feel a sense of acceptance in your presence. Use calm, reassuring, and non-judgmental language. Find ways to show them that you accept them for who they are as a person, and that you are committed to helping them manage their disorder.  

Help Them Feel WantedShowing a person with borderline personality disorder love will go a long way toward making them happy. Many with BPD feel insecure and have trouble accepting that others care for them. Do what you can to show them that you do care, and you will help to ease this doubt. Show love by being a consistent presence, by minimizing criticisms, and by showing patience and acceptance.  

Accept that You Don’t Have Control
Though there are some things you can do to try to make someone with borderline personality disorder happy, you ultimately can’t make the person happy. You can help them to feel more accepted and loved, but you can’t instill a sense of happiness. Every person has to find his or her own happiness, and those with borderline personality disorder may have to get medication and professional counseling in order to do so. Influence the things you can and offer support for the person with BPD to get the help needed. Over time, you may be able to make that person a bit happier by helping them to feel loved and accepted.

How to Make Someone with BPD Happy

Posted on by kmarrs

How to make Someone with Borderline Personality HappyI am looking to do a series of guest posts around this topic.  It is ALWAYS open to your interpretation as long as it’s respectful.  I can’t wait to hear what you have to say.  In the meantime, here is guest post #1 on How to Make Someone With BPD Happy!  And I think she hit a home run!

Author Bio:-
This is a guest post by Coleen Torres.

Borderline personality disorder is not something that can be flipped on and off like a switch. In the same way, happiness and sadness cannot be overcome by anything you do or say. They are internal emotions, and thus are not controlled by outside forces. However, there are things you can do to encourage and uplift the BPD sufferer.

  1. Don’t expect perfection – Everyone has their good days and their bad days. BPD sufferers just have more intense versions of this. Don’t expect them to stay happy forever, or depressed forever. The more flexible you are in your thinking, the better off both of you will be.
  2. Validate – Being validated is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Validation means that someone is listening, understanding, and agreeing with what you are saying. It doesn’t necessarily mean you have to go along with everything the BPD sufferer says, in fact that’s harmful in the long run, but just don’t dismiss them because of their affliction. They are people, and they want to feel respected, just like you do.
  3. Don’t get discouraged – For someone that doesn’t suffer from BPD, it can be frustrating when you feel helpless. But don’t get discouraged. BPD is treatable, and can be controlled. Be patient in the bad times and enjoy the good times, but don’t get discouraged.
  4. Make sure their medication is right – You are not their doctor, so don’t tell them they need to change medication. However, if you see a pattern arising: long periods of depression or agitation, you may suggest that they get their medication checked out. Maybe they need a higher does, maybe they need to switch. But whatever you do, don’t tell them to take their pills. It’s not respectful of them as a person and certainly won’t change their behavior.
  5. Quality care – Last but not least, make sure (to the best of your abilities) that they are receiving proper care. There are good therapists and bad ones, and it is often difficult for patients to tell the difference. If you feel the BPD sufferer is not receiving the care they should, encourage them to seek alternate help.

You can’t change people, but you can encourage them. Just stay positive, set boundaries, and keep strong. A strong support system is the best medicine a BPD sufferer can have.

Tips For Remembering to Take Meds: The BPD Lifestyle

Posted on by kmarrs

OK, at least half, if not more, of my readers have at least one daily med. And if even half of that half is like me, well, that shit is hard to remember. Even if you’ve been in the habit for years! I, myself, am the queen of forgetting everything. So forgetting to take meds? You betcha! The thing is, maybe a missed dose here and there won’t hurt you. But something like Geodon? Instant withdraw after just one forgetful evening. You don’t want to forget something like that!

So, how can you remind yourself? There are many tricks, and some work better than others depending on the person. So here they are:

  1. Pill box. This has never EVER helped me remember to take them, but it has helped me remember if I already took them if I second guess myself. Plus, it keeps them organized so you don’t have to sort them out with each individual dose. I wouldn’t recommend this method on it’s own, but pair up with something and you are good to go!
  2. Notes! This is very simple as long as you put some thought into it! Write a few notes and post them in plain sight in places you are sure to be around the time you have to take your meds. Do you take them every morning at breakfast? Then post the note on the cabinet that holds your breakfast cereal! The catch with this is, eventually you are so use to them, you stop seeing them. So either change them up when this happens, or move on to another reminder method.
  3. The daily routine! This can be paired with the second one. What is something you do at the same time every day? Add taking your meds to that routine! Then like I said, post a note there as well. Even if you stop noticing the note, hopefully it’ll be so completely a part of the routine, you won’t need the note any longer.
  4. Phone alarms. This one pretty much requires some sort of set schedule. If some days you sleep till 8, but other days noon, setting your AM med alarm for 8:30AM isn’t going to work. Likewise, if some evenings you work until 6, and others 11, a PM med alarm at 9:00PM isn’t going to work, unless you can take your meds at work the second the alarm goes off. Don’t count on remembering to take it on your next break.
  5. Put your pills where you can see them plain as day, every day. (Though out of reach of children and pets, of course!) If you can’t see them, how can you be expected to remember to take them?
  6. Remind a friend! If you have a friend or family member who forgets nothing, maybe they would be willing to help out. Some will be more willing to get involved with this than others. If the meds are long term, this is quite the commitment. Plus, I don’t know about you, but this sets them up for a daily cranky response from the med taker of, “Yes! I know!” So uh, should someone agree to this, be kind. Or you have no one to blame but yourself if you find yourself on your own! Plus, if you really knew, you wouldn’t be relying on someone to remind you.
  7. Use a calendar that’s in plain, hard to miss sight. Put a big red X on each day you remember to take your meds.
  8. If you are really good at computers, there is a way that you can make a daily reminder function that pops up as a really annoying dos window that will remind you. Don’t ask me how. I’ve done it only once with step by step instructions when I needed to remember to take my glucose test at an exact to the second time. BUT it worked!
  9. Apparently there are services out there that will send your phone a text at the same time every day to remind you. I don’t know anything about it, but you are welcome to look it up if this strikes your fancy. I’d look it up and link but I’m running out of time and I’m sure there are a few to choose from with different pros and cons.
  10. Divide and conquer! Put your meds in a couple different spots so that if you don’t notice them on the table, you’ll notice them by the coffee pot. Or, put your notes I mentioned in a few different spots. Same idea.

Also, it doesn’t hurt to carry a dose with you at all times that way should you get to work and go, “Oh crap!” you are covered. Better late than never!

How to Talk and Not Talk to People with BPD or Other Mental Illnesses Pt 2

Posted on by kmarrs

I’ve been thinking about something. The initial articles I linked to here are rather good. NO dispute there. But there is one key thing that should be said, that I don’t recall them saying:

Just follow your heart and don’t over think it, with a mix of common sense. Now, maybe it’s the “common sense” part that leads to the need for lists on what to say and what not to say but…

For the most part, talk to us like we are anyone else. And don’t be stupid. Really, that’s it. DON’T. BE. STUPID. but otherwise, all other talking to random people rules apply. And really, the don’t be stupid rule, applies to random people too.

You don’t understand, autism, but you don’t tell them to get over it or that they shouldn’t be that way.

You don’t know what a woman in the throes of labor is going through, but I dare you to tell her what she should currently be feeling or experiencing. (If you do, tell her though, can I videotape it? Instant youtube hit!)

Same rules apply.

But then, maybe it’s just me this seems to be common sense too. I guess the stop walking on eggshells book wouldn’t be as popular as it is, if it were actual common sense. (There is a link to that book on the left somewhere should you want it. Too tired to spend the 30 second it would take to gather the link and relink it here when it’s already so close and right there.)

How to Talk and Not Talk to People with BPD or Other Mental Illnesses

Posted on by kmarrs

This isn’t my work, but I agree with it 1000%. So follow the linky-dinks below and learn!

Ten things not to say to a depressed person

Followed closely by

Ten supportive things I’m glad somebody said to me

I haven’t, yet, read any more of her blog. I’m going to do that as soon as I hit send here. But I just know if what else she has to say is half as dead-on as this, she is worth following!

Oh and these are sort of going around, so I won’t be too surprised if some of you already read them. But if you haven’t please do! And then, pass them on!