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Mental Health Check Up: Borderline Personality Disorder Checking in for Vitals

Mental Health Check UpDepression – I’m more at a blah state then an active depression state.  Though my increased need for sleep might argue this.  However that need for sleep might also be the Geodon.  Who knows.

Rage – I think I’m going to up my dose of Geodon a bit.  I’m able to hold the anger in better sometimes, but I feel in doing so it’s going to cause my head to just explode.  I know holding anger in is bad, but most of it is triggered by stupid shit like little kids being little kids.  I need to be better at holding it in, counting to ten, deep breaths, and then evaluating if it’s worth the anger.  If it is, then I need to momma voice, not rage monster voice.  No matter how obnoxious the kids are, they certainly don’t deserve rage monster.  Stern and forceful, sure.  I’m having trouble finding the difference so now I just hold it in until I snap and rage louder.  Not healthy for me or them.  Also, Pat doesn’t deserve rage monster either.

Anxiety – Doing ok.  I still worry but I keep the physical symptoms at bay and that’s what I was going for.  Anxiety meds have weird effect on me when I go above the small dose.  My doctor seems surprised I take the two doses a day I’m allowed, as it’s as needed.  I should explain what physical symptoms happen when I don’t.  Like skin crawling to where I’m convinced there are bugs.  Also, I rather like having hair.

Impulse Control – Oh, I’ve gotten better at that with age.  I’m sure meds help but I do mostly as ok as can be expected.  My frontal lobe never fully developed, as has been proved the case with those with impulse control issues.  That said at the age of 31, I’ve managed to get a few seconds to minutes between thought and action.  Sometimes, when doubt surfaces, I can even wait hours and/or run it by someone.  Progress!  I can be taught!  Doesn’t make me perfect.  But if I strived for perfect I’d only ever see failure.  And that is no way to live.

Mood Stabilization – Eh.  Mostly life triggered?  I don’t know.  I don’t check this as much because the others are so dominate.  When all else is functioning well, this tends to be taken care of as well.  I take enough mood stabilizer to have faith the meds are in place.  I just need to lose the rages, mostly.  That is my biggest issue at hand and what I’m actively working on.

Sleep – I get more than enough.

Fibromyalgia – I am feeling less pain and more lack of energy.  Severe lack of energy.  That might also be the depression some.  It’s hard to feel energy when you have low motivation.  I did buy a cane recently though for those moments when lack of energy sees me sitting too long and I lose a hip.  Seriously.  Also I’ve done a lot of squats.  The cane helps that recovery too.


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