I’ve been very preoccupied with the idea of cutting lately. I don’t know why. I can’t begin to fathom why. I just want to so bad. Every time I see a box cutter at work, my tool of choice, I immediately start day dreaming about cutting again. I honestly think the only reason I’m not cutting is because I’m too scared Pat would leave me over it.
Part of me wonders why I’m sharing this.
Another part of me know this is a taboo part of BPD. So if it’s out there and more and more people are willing to talk about it, maybe it’ll become a little less taboo. And maybe if it’s a little less taboo more people would be willing to talk about it instead of cutting. Like maybe talking about it and the pain that inspires it will help lessen the need to cut.
There is so much taboo and stigma around BPD and it’s demons. I’m here to be rid of the taboo one subject at a time. That is my battle. That is why I’m here.
I’m not sure talking about it really works though. I still want to cut same as ever. But hell, I tried, right?