Sorry to mislead you but it simply isn’t possible. I’m not saying they can’t be happy. I’m just saying you can’t make them that way. You can make them happier. You can make them see a moment of happy. You can even help lead them to the light at the end of the tunnel. But truly, if they are unhappy they are probably depressed. And not the need a hug kind, but serious clinical depression. No amount of hugs can fix that. The good news is, meds can. So if the BPD in your life is miserable, talk to them about getting on meds, or adjusting the meds they are on if they are no longer working. Even then, true happiness has to come within themselves. You still can’t make them happy.
Having trouble making them happy even with you? In a relationship where it’s starting to feel one sided? Remember, they have to love themselves before they can truly love anyone else. And they have to be happy with themselves before they can truly be happy with anyone else.
Starting to feel like they will never be happy or that they don’t want to be happy? Now is not the time to give up. They need your love and support now more than ever. See them through this, and you’ll get to enjoy the end of the tunnel with them.
This all sounds increasingly sappy I know. I’m right there in the thick of this. I’ve found the end of my tunnel. It’s in my sight, if not yet in my reach. I know I have my moments where I don’t think I love my husband. Yet he’s stood by me through a hell of a lot. As my end of tunnel nears, he’s the one I’m clinging to. I’m enjoying him more now than ever before. So this sappy comes from experience.
There are 4 things everyone with BPD needs:
The right meds
A patient therapist
But most importantly : A solid trustworthy support system of friends and family.
10 thoughts on “How To Make Someone With BPD Happy”
meds don't help, it's rooted in personality formation and is not biochemical. Meds simply sedate, compromising other parts of their life. My partner has bpd, when she took a fairly large dose of seroquel sure her symptoms dimmed but the beautiful things about her almost vanished, the 'right meds' for bpd is the equivalent of shock therapy for depression, a short term measure with no genuine gain.
That's an interesting option. Would you care to elaborate?
I have suffered the deepest pain over losing the only person I have ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with. Ive heard all the codependant crap telling me to move on. I dont care I just want to know how I can get her back. I tried everything compassionate. I want to play hardball now. What is going to make her realize she made to biggest mistake of her life.
I've tried everything compassionate. I dont want to hear about codependant or told to move on. I want to play hardball now. She screwed up our lives and made the biggest mistake. Whats the best way to make her come back.
I'm sorry, but I don't have an answer for you.
Respectfully, it seems as though the choice to play hardball is really an attempt to force someone or something to happen…and for the benefit of whom? Sounds like the issue at hand might be of control. Control is all about operating on the outside, and it's out of fear. I've found that one of the most beneficial things a person can do for their own is to practice introspective thinking. It's how a person can discover, then reflect, then heal their own wounds. Eventually the need to control others will go away.
It is so very true that you cannot MAKE anyone else happy – BPD or otherwise.
Love the mention of the DBT classses/therapy. Probably the most effective thing around for BPD
It's a hard concept to accept. If someone is simply having a bad day, yes you can cheer them up. But if someone is really depressed for reasons not related to life issues, there is nothing you can do to magically fix that. That takes therapy and/or meds. End of discussion.
And yes, DBT is awesome and the first thing I recommend. Well, that and individual therapy. But you have to have that to have DBT.
The first comment posted that claims there is no biological cause for Borderline is wrong. I am a diagnosed BPD patient currently undertaking DBT. Evidence shows that there is are abnormalities in the hoppocampus and amygdala in the brain which, when exposed to an invalidating a BPD-causing environment, go from "predisposition" to "disorder".
BPD is caused by a combination of nature and nurture, it is not mutually exclusive.
I suggest the first commenter does their research before making any further claims.
I would be very interested in talking to you. On an "I whole heartedly agree" stand point. Would you be willing to email me?