This post alone will not catch us up to date, as that’s some 40 days. So I’m going to spread this out a bit.

Day 25 of isolation

Has it really already been 25 days? Did I skip a day? Y’all are going to stone me to death since I know the general consensus is that each day is about a year-long, but time is actually flying for me.

Anyway. Today I’m experimenting with music outside my usual realm of notice. Which… my realm of notice really is rather small. I’ve never really been into music. Something about the audio processing issues mixed with it just being very noisy… it’s hard for me to really understand what I’m hearing enough to actually like it and want to hear it again.

But, today, due to some people I care about having much interest in the band, I’m attempting to discover my opinions of My Chemical Romance. I am doing this by working my way through their albums, one at a time and in order, and listening to each song, also in order, while I read the lyrics. This way I can hear the actual music but also process what’s being said.

I’m also working through the process of allowing myself to feel traumatized by all this, even if no one I know is sick or dying or dead.

I think MCR probably mixes well with the emotional state I’m in. While they go harder and are noisier than I’m usually into, I deeply understand why so many millennials are drawn to their music.

Day 26 of isolation

Ran some errands this morning before most the world was properly awake. Was on the hunt for toilet paper (success) and cleaning supplies (made do).

The family is back at the DnD game.

I found some eggs in ACNL and made a killing off egg furniture with very little gameplay needed. Have a third room for my house in the works.

Otherwise ignored it being Easter. Though it does show the passing of time when days otherwise go by unchecked.

Day 27 of isolation

Baked some peanut butter cookies with Sammy. They were delicious and gone before properly cooled.

Started a 400-page book on Irish history. It caught my attention weeks ago at the library. You know. When public spaces were a thing.

Day 28 of isolation

I’m really tired today.

I wanna say I accomplished nothing because of this, but it would be a lie. I snuggled with the 8yo while we watched today’s 4 ATLA episodes. So I accomplished being a loving mother.

Day 29 of isolation

We got our stimulus check today.  Most of it is going towards bills and rent.  But we put some aside to spend on other things.  I’m using my fun money to help support small businesses.  Bought some trans pride shoes from a small business.  I bought some stamps from the USPS.  Granted, it’s not exactly a small business but it’s not going to survive 2020 if we don’t work together and help in any way we can.  I actually use stamps a lot so all I really did is buy them a little sooner than needed.  But I think I’m going to keep an eye on their offerings and just buy a couple of sheets of interesting stamps regularly whether I’m out or not.

We’re officially done with Book 1 of ATLA and have started book 2.  I guess we’re about 1/3 of the way done with the full series and making steady progress as we knock out 4 episodes a day.

Day 30 of isolation

I kept pretty busy today.

Finished the 4th disk of 9 of Avatar.

Finished season 2 of The Magnus Archives.

Small victories.

Day 31 of isolation

Of all the ways I could have gotten hurt today, you’d think my new knife would be the culprit.  But no.  First I slice my toe open on a piece of a shattered mug that my 8yo knocked off the counter.  After assuring her that there was no reason for me to be mad because I don’t care about the mug, I care that she wasn’t hurt, I set about cleaning it up.  But apparently, I missed a piece and my toe found it.  Then about 20 minutes later I burned my finger while taking the German pancakes out of the oven.  So to recap, I did not hurt myself with my new purble shiny stabby stabby.  But I was attacked by the kitchen to the best of its ability.

Oh.  I made a triple batch of German Pancakes.  Took 18 eggs, but holy shit I forgot how delicious they were.  The idea of using real maple syrup as a topping didn’t pan out.  I need to stick to jelly and powdered sugar.

Finally sat down and watched the 4th Pirates of the Caribean. I couldn’t stream it anywhere so I added the DVD to the top of my Netflix DVD queue.  The fifth and final one is up next in said queue.

I almost refused to leave my bed today.  My stomach was upset and I just wanted to sleep.  But I was well-rested which leaves me restless so ADHD basically dragged me out of bed.

Considering how much my finger hurts (I can’t feel my toe) I think I should have listened to the stay in bed instincts.

Day 32 of isolation

Robin and I had a bad fight last night and cried myself to sleep. Slept in super late today and did nothing beyond basic survival.

Day 33 of isolation

I read the short story “Cinnamon Blade” by Shira Glassman today. It was worth the time!

I am working on solving the mental health issue I have that ties my personal feelings of self-worth to how much I produce.

Those on the spectrum have a harder time producing the way capitalism wants us to, thus we have performance-based anxiety. This is why my biggest mental health obstacle right now is that there literally is nothing for me to produce during this pandemic and thus I don’t understand that I currently have value. So I’m tricking my brain into assigning value to the production of completed media consumption based to-do tasks. But this also means when I’m having a bad mental health day because of something like me and Robin fighting the night before, and I can’t even consume media… I’m back to assigning myself zero value.

At the same time, when any of my friends present with this same problem, I’m the first to argue the worth is inherent from birth just for being alive, and not something you have to produce in the ways capitalism wants you to produce. It’s in fact not tied to production at all! You! All of you! Have worth simply by being alive.

Which is, of course, the exact opposite of what capitalism says. Which is why I have trouble internalizing this message. Which means I understand why others have trouble internalizing this message. But I promise you. Everyone has worth simply by being alive.

Anyway. Day 33 was filled with self reflection.

Day 34 of isolation

I’m a bit late with this but I blame love and my 8yo. I didn’t mean to fall asleep at like 9:30. But she wanted snuggles and was so soft and warm…

A mental health book I’d been waiting for showed up. I’m going to put my psych degree to work and give myself DBT therapy as a means of seeing myself through what is being considered a BPD relapse.

I also had my appointment with my psychiatrist yesterday. It was my first appointment I haven’t canceled because of the virus. But it was over the phone. It went pretty well.

I’m having stress dreams again.

Day 35 of isolation

Stress dreams are getting bad. So I redid my sleep magic spell bag.

Finished the earth bending book in Avatar.

Duplex across the street and down a bit caught fire. It’s an empty shell. Two families displaced.

Today has been 3 days long

Day 36 of isolation

Watched the 5th and final Pirates of the Caribbean movie today.

I’ve completed 41 media consumption based to-do list items in 36 days. So clearly I’m winning. But am I winning life or the plague?

Or it’s the plague life now?