I’ll start by saying I’m now between therapists. What happened to my last one is complicated and stupid but the short of it is, it didn’t work out. So as soon as this pandemic thing is over I’m going to start the process of finding a new one. I know where to look. This won’t be difficult. But I do need to be able to leave the house first. So I’m just waiting things out.

I will also go ahead and be honest that under self-scrutiny I’m just cranky and have been for months. However, the feedback from those I live with is that I’m being more confrontational and, well, destructive, than usual. Which tells me it’s time for DBT. My BPD is acting up. I need to take care of it. Of course, however, group therapy is not an option. And even without the pandemic, that’s still a hard thing to manage.

What I’ve done instead, or at least as a temporary fix, is bought Marsh Linehan’s DBT training manual and the worksheets. I also bought her CBT manual which the DBT manual references heavily.

While I’m aware these manuals aim to teach me how to teach the skills for others who need it, I’m hoping to use the manual as a well to self reflect and remind myself of the skills.

I’ve been through DBT so many times. At this point, I know the skills. At least I did. So I don’t need to be taught, so much. I just need to be reminded. I would not use these books if I hadn’t actually sat through DBT a half dozen times. But I feel they will work as a refresher.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at.

And it’s not the pandemic. I’ve been struggling for maybe a year now. It’s long past time I recognize I’m not just kind of cranky. It’s long past time I get myself back into shape. So I’m working towards that. Perhaps with an intellectual approach, but hopefully it works.