Archive for April, 2020

Intermission While I Gather My Thoughts

Posted April 27, 2020 By kmarrs

I’ve got real posts coming but I need to gather my thoughts first. So I decided now would be a good time to share my current plant babies.

These are all my current babies as they sit on my desk. Sorry if the lighting is throwing weird colors. I have a glow light hanging right above them.

In the back left, we have what has finally been identified as impatiens. I’ve had this baby for almost 3 years now. She was a mother’s day gift from Sammy that was meant to be planted outside with friends. However, I stuck her in a pot on my desk and she has flourished. She’s currently not in bloom but those are soon to come. I trimmed her back quite a bit a couple of months ago now. She was getting rather out of hand and quite leggy. Anyway, this was meant to be a small dainty plant that lasted a season. Instead, I have a 3-year-old bush that keeps trying to take over my desk.

This is Lucille my parade rose. She is a little over a year old at this point. She looks small now, but that’s because I recently cut her down too. She was reaching for the ceiling. But I wanted her to focus her energy on new growth, instead of height, so it was time for a trim.

These little guys are my only surviving succulents. A have killed over a dozen succulents in the past year and honestly, I don’t think these three are going to last much longer. I’m just not meant for succulents. But, considering just a few years ago I couldn’t keep anything at all alive, I have come a long way.

I take that back. I this guy is also a succulent and I think? He might? Be thriving? I’m not sure. He’s just kinda stretching and growing and I guess I’m going to continue to water him once a month and see what happens. It helps that I keep accidentally feeding him blood. But he’s covered in hundreds of little knives. Blood loss is inevitable.

This is Allie my aloe. She is a little over a year old at this point. I honestly thought she was a goner up until recently. I think she really likes sitting as close to the humidifier as she is. And the grow light over her is giving her endless power. So where she was slowly dying before, she’s now really super healthy. I’m looking forward to an abundance of growth in the future and being able to harvest aloe from her as needed.

This last little lady is Ingrid my ivy. She is my newest acquisition. I’ve had her for a handful of months, but I still don’t really have a feel for her. I see new growth on her all the time, but she’s forever shedding leaves. I don’t know if she’s thriving, slowly dying, or somewhere in between.

Anyway, these are my current babies.

I promise a real post next week!

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Consider Supporting Me?

Posted April 20, 2020 By kmarrs
Sick of being told that it’s all in your head or that you just need to lose weight? I know I personally have requested tests that should be common sense just to be turned away. Why doesn’t my body make blood? Sometimes that’s just how it be. No, we won’t run the genetic test that would prove I need more B12 than your average person, and that would perfectly explain why my body can make blood. Oh, it’s just a funny coincidence that my body started making blood when I started taking a B12 supplement. Life is funny sometimes, but correlation is not causation. I know I’m not alone in this. So I’m going to buy this shirt and wear it to EVERY SINGLE doctor’s appointment until it’s no longer true. Try me.

Spoonie Shirt
Spoonie Shirt
by Wearables4Edibles


Those of you who have been here for a while know, my store has all sorts of things. So please take 10 minutes and check out what I have to offer. This store can potentially help me pay bills, especially since I’ve been laid off.
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April 2020 Mental Health Check-In

Posted April 20, 2020 By kmarrs

I’ll start by saying I’m now between therapists. What happened to my last one is complicated and stupid but the short of it is, it didn’t work out. So as soon as this pandemic thing is over I’m going to start the process of finding a new one. I know where to look. This won’t be difficult. But I do need to be able to leave the house first. So I’m just waiting things out.

I will also go ahead and be honest that under self-scrutiny I’m just cranky and have been for months. However, the feedback from those I live with is that I’m being more confrontational and, well, destructive, than usual. Which tells me it’s time for DBT. My BPD is acting up. I need to take care of it. Of course, however, group therapy is not an option. And even without the pandemic, that’s still a hard thing to manage.

What I’ve done instead, or at least as a temporary fix, is bought Marsh Linehan’s DBT training manual and the worksheets. I also bought her CBT manual which the DBT manual references heavily.

While I’m aware these manuals aim to teach me how to teach the skills for others who need it, I’m hoping to use the manual as a well to self reflect and remind myself of the skills.

I’ve been through DBT so many times. At this point, I know the skills. At least I did. So I don’t need to be taught, so much. I just need to be reminded. I would not use these books if I hadn’t actually sat through DBT a half dozen times. But I feel they will work as a refresher.

Anyway, that’s where I’m at.

And it’s not the pandemic. I’ve been struggling for maybe a year now. It’s long past time I recognize I’m not just kind of cranky. It’s long past time I get myself back into shape. So I’m working towards that. Perhaps with an intellectual approach, but hopefully it works.

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Quarantine Chronicles Part 2

Posted April 13, 2020 By kmarrs

One of these days I’ll remember that quarantine has two A’s and won’t be as reliant on spell-check. That day is decidedly not today. Anyway, without further ado, he’s what I’ve been up to while stuck in my house. Picking up from where I left off.

Day 13 of isolation

I hurt a lot today for regular shinanigans reasons.  The usual crud so I’m taking it easy.

Lots of New Leaf fishing.  I caught my first shark.  I paid off my first town project.  Starting tomorrow I’ll have a bridge on both ends of the river.  I’m stupidly excited about that, let me tell you.

Might fuck around and finish that book I started yesterday tonight.  Only 300 pages to go.  It should only take 6 hours or so and the day is young.

I made lentil soup today using the majority of systlin​‘s recipe.  My spice cabinet was barer than I anticipated.  (Note to self: restock spices next grocery trip.)  But I made due.  It tastes amazing and I’m on my second bowl for the day.

Day 14 of isolation

Iris is now a temporary blond. Tomorrow I turn their hair green.

I’ve started the process of getting Sammy diagnosed with ADHD. It’s a process but the ball is rolling.

The rest of the day is otherwise quiet. Lots of reading. I’m determined to finish the book I’m reading.

Day 15 of isolation

Left over lentil soup tastes better than fresh lentil soup, which was already good.

I’m up to 4 sharks caught in 3 days. They aren’t as hard to catch as I thought they’d be, once I learned the trick. There is still luck involved but I at least have the skill.

More DnD. Finished our first dungeon.

We’re already planning our next game where we’re all young dragons.

Gonna finish this book tonight. Not maybe. I’m determined.

Day 16 of isolation

Had a bad experience with the DS and ACNL. I dropped the system mid gameplay and it shut itself off. I was sad to lose the time spent so far that day but it usually resets in a way I can recoup except the fishing bit. Only when I turned it back on the internal clock thought it was January 7, 2020. So I had to fix that and it fucked up a lot of things. I almost quit the game then and there. I had just prior to dropping the system bought the last piece needed to complete my butch lesbian outfit and well… who knows if I’ll be able to get that piece again. I’m super sad. But alas, I’ll game on.

The rest of today will be spent watch Ducktales season 2.

I did indeed finish that book last night at like 3am. Time well spent. If you like period romances it’s called The Girl in the Gatehouse by Julie Klassen and it was good. Very happy ending!

Day 17 of isolation

Today differs because it’s the day I was officially laid off.

Otherwise, it was more of the same. Lots of ACNL and some Ducktales season 2.

Day 18 of isolation

Feeling lethargic, depressed and apathetic.

Day 19 of isolation

Treating myself to a Pirates of the Caribbean binge. Never watched these movies as an out lesbian. Debating what my crush on a Will Turner means for my lesbianism. (To clarify I have zero interest in Bloom himself.)

Trying to spark debate on tumblr.

Day 20 of isolation

Wow. It’s been 20 days and there is no end in sight. I was originally meant to go back to work tomorrow. The kids were originally meant to go back to school today. Clearly neither is happening. We may finish out the school year at home. I’m not sure when I’ll feel safe to job hunt. So much uncertainty.

My appetite is disappearing. Probably stress and depression based. I’m making myself eat, but I’m turning down things like beef curry which is worrisome on multiple levels. But I am willing to eat lighter meals. Lots of Turkey sandwiches. But at least I’m getting protein. Doesn’t help that I’m suddenly drinking pop again because I can’t find mu usual water bit the soda aisle it’s well stocked. We’re do have a water filter so I am getting water in me. But I prefer to drink something with flavor. Anyway, all this soda is messing with my acid reflux which kills my appetite too.

Today I kept myself entertained with finishing season 1 of The Magnus Archives. I’ve started session 2, but I might break from that to watch the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie later tonight.

20 days. Huh.

Day 21 of isolation

I baked the best bread I’ve ever eaten today. It was devoured by the family before it could even fully cool.

I watched the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie and have opinions. Strong opinions.

Day 22 of isolation

Returned my office key at work and picked up my stuff I had in my desk. Wore a mask ADHD used hand sanitizer.

Got the hang of deep sea diving in New Leaf. Sort of.

The Biden post shit storm.

Day 23 of isolation

I was up until fairly late working towards catching up on B99 last night so today I slept in.

Somewhere in the night, I realized I own the full Avatar the Last Airbender series on blue ray so I gathered all the family members who were interested and we’ve set out to watch it all, 4 episodes at a time.

Realized I’m addicted to caffeine again after giving up soda over a year ago.

The storms that are rolling through and the rapidly cycling temperature changes mean I’m in constant pain these days, so now is not the time to cold Turkey caffeine.

The storms have been amazing though.

Day 24 of isolation

Days are starting to blend together.  I’m aiming to keep a schedule of sorts.  No set productivity quota or anything like that.  But I sleep at night, wake before noon, eat my meals around the same time.  Things like that.  I am too neurodivergent to be able to afford to completely break my schedule.  

That said, days still really run together.  And it’s becoming harder to journal the key activity or two of a certain day when I’m having trouble keeping track of what happened when.  But, I’m not just giving up on this journal.  I may be a nobody, but my record will show what a nobody from Ohio was doing during this global pandemic.  If enough nobodies do this there will be actual historical records left behind.  I follow enough academics to know that this record could matter even if I don’t on my own.

I’m not reading much at the moment.  I’m focusing on watching things.  Avatar, B99, and some Ducktales in between.  Once I get bored with screen time I’ll pick up another book, but it’s not like I’m behind on my reading for the year.

Knowing that I work fulltime and have 3 kids I really only aim to read 1 book a month when I set my Good Reads reading goal.  I’m already 4 books ahead for the year.  It doesn’t sound like much when I put it that way, but I’m more than halfway through my goal and the year has barely begun.

I suppose the thing of note for today is that I made chicken noodle soup.  Usually an all-day project for me, but about 2 hours before dinner time I decided I wanted it, so I threw some things into a pot and it turned out the best I’ve ever made.  I think I’ve finally mastered my recipe. 

Otherwise, today was just another day in a long list of days that seem to be exactly the same even if there are minute changes.

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Laid Off

Posted April 6, 2020 By kmarrs

In a move that surprised no one, my job laid me off this past Friday. Initially, my job was safe, but this thing is lasting longer than anticipated and I’m going to be gone for who knows how long. They laid off a lot of people. Word is my entire job title was eliminated.

When this is all over I can reapply and go back.

Or, there is a lab that makes glasses for eye doctors like who I worked for that is like 2 blocks from home. They love hiring people like me who have worked in the business, even if it’s the patient-facing end of things. No idea what sort of job they have but I might as well apply when this is all over. Can’t hurt. And since we only have one car in the household, there are serious benefits to working 2 blocks from home. Shit. When my current car breaks down for good, any month now, I’ll be able to walk to work. So I think that is my first step post quarantine.

In the meantime, I’ve already applied for unemployment. So I just need to see that process through. And well, I just need to wait out this pandemic. I refuse to work in a way that puts my life in danger. Money is not one of my motivators. At least not when my life is on the line.

Gentle reminder here that I’m both immunocompromised and also have underlying conditions. I will die.

But also, my biggest responsibility right now is to help flatten that curve.

Anyway, we’ll be fine. We’ll get through this.

Finally, for those of you who are suddenly unemployed and who will be looking for a job here in a month of 5, remember to ask the managers and HR reps who interview you how their company handled the pandemic. You’re supposed to interview them right back. They judge you based on whether or not you do this. And this question I’ve suggested is valid and makes you look good. Also, if they can’t answer, won’t answer, or have an answer that makes them look bad, you really don’t want to work for them.

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