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My Identity

It’s been a while since I discussed my identity on here. And there have been some updates as I’ve grown into one label, and out of another.

I am very much nonbinary and working towards transitioning. I will be legally changing my name to Max, if not Maximum. We’re getting new scrubs at work and my new scrubs will have Max on them in place of my dead name. (Remind me to post why that’s possible next.) I am working towards getting a massive breast reduction, though probably not complete top surgery. Hopefully, with my history of neck, shoulder, and back pain, my insurance will cover the reduction. I’m not sure how much I care to transition beyond that. I already have short hair and don’t wear makeup. I live in scrubs, which are gender-neutral. I’m not really interested in hrt. So I think I’ll be done after the name change and the surgery.

The one thing that has changed is my sexuality. While I still identify as ace, but that’s more based on sex repulsion due to an OCD hangup with body fluids than whether I’m actually sexually attracted to people. When I opened my mind to that, I realized that I’m just not really into men. But strong women with swords? Make me weak. I also like femme women. Really just any women. So I guess what I’m saying is, I’m a whole ass lesbian. Which, now that I know, I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize this.

What about Pat? Well, for starters, they don’t go by Pat anymore. We’re sorting out what to call them when. But also, I knew 15 years ago that I was marrying a woman. It just… hadn’t really been acknowledged more than just on the surface level. However, part of my spouse’s midlife crisis involved a huge gender crisis. I won’t toss out labels because they are still evolving sometimes on a daily basis even, as new ones are tried on to see what fits, but wherever this lands, I assure you I can be attracted to my spouse and be a huge lesbian.

So I guess that’s where things stand for now. I’m pretty comfortable with my new labels and I don’t see them changing again. But, that’s what I said last time.

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