Month: February 2020

Work Update Winter 2019-2020

Posted on by kmarrs

So a lot has happened in my professional life over the past few months.

First, we’ll reestablish the canon that the manager I started under in Westerville hated me. I left that first day of work with the impression that she was the type of girl that bullied me in 6th grade. I just also assumed she had grown out of that type of behavior.

I was wrong.

She has never outgrown that behavior and I was clearly an easy target. Working with her was miserable.

Luckily? This past December she got promoted to district manager and another woman was brought in to manage Westerville. The new manager is lovely and I assumed with the bully being promoted, I’d deal less with the bully and more with the new manager.

I was wrong again.

I came back from rescuing Iris to a meeting with the new manager and the new regional manager, aka the bully, to be told I was not nearly good enough at my job for Westerville to want me. Now to clarify, the new manager in no way felt this. She likes me a lot and knows I work really hard. But she did not have a say in any of this. This was the bully, and the bully is officially her boss.

Luckily!

They didn’t want to outright fire me. They wanted to trade front desk help with another store instead.

So I’m now at a location we’ll call west. I’m doing the exact same job, but the office isn’t as busy and there is less pressure on me.

I think, the bully accidentally made a great move in my favor.

The new store likes and appreciates me. I really like my new manager and she likes me.

Further! I’m allowed to go by Max. I don’t have my new scrub tops yet, but my embroidered name on them will be Max instead of my dead name. All the official paperwork and such will still read my legal name, but I’ll be Max around the office at least.

So really, this is a good move. I’m actually happier and less stressed. Plus I’ve cut my travel to and from work in almost half.

I’m happy!

My Identity

Posted on by kmarrs

It’s been a while since I discussed my identity on here. And there have been some updates as I’ve grown into one label, and out of another.

I am very much nonbinary and working towards transitioning. I will be legally changing my name to Max, if not Maximum. We’re getting new scrubs at work and my new scrubs will have Max on them in place of my dead name. (Remind me to post why that’s possible next.) I am working towards getting a massive breast reduction, though probably not complete top surgery. Hopefully, with my history of neck, shoulder, and back pain, my insurance will cover the reduction. I’m not sure how much I care to transition beyond that. I already have short hair and don’t wear makeup. I live in scrubs, which are gender-neutral. I’m not really interested in hrt. So I think I’ll be done after the name change and the surgery.

The one thing that has changed is my sexuality. While I still identify as ace, but that’s more based on sex repulsion due to an OCD hangup with body fluids than whether I’m actually sexually attracted to people. When I opened my mind to that, I realized that I’m just not really into men. But strong women with swords? Make me weak. I also like femme women. Really just any women. So I guess what I’m saying is, I’m a whole ass lesbian. Which, now that I know, I’m not sure why it took me so long to realize this.

What about Pat? Well, for starters, they don’t go by Pat anymore. We’re sorting out what to call them when. But also, I knew 15 years ago that I was marrying a woman. It just… hadn’t really been acknowledged more than just on the surface level. However, part of my spouse’s midlife crisis involved a huge gender crisis. I won’t toss out labels because they are still evolving sometimes on a daily basis even, as new ones are tried on to see what fits, but wherever this lands, I assure you I can be attracted to my spouse and be a huge lesbian.

So I guess that’s where things stand for now. I’m pretty comfortable with my new labels and I don’t see them changing again. But, that’s what I said last time.

Iris Part 2

Posted on by kmarrs

Iris is all settled in now. It’s been a month since they got here and that time was well spent.

We’re working on the tricky aspects like getting Iris set up with local doctors so there is no lapse in the prescribed medication they take. Luckily I was able to get Iris in with a therapist (who specializes in trans patients, but also prepared to deal with Iris’s trauma) pretty much right away. It helps that I was making calls before we even reached home. The rest will fall into place over the next couple of months. We are very fortunate that Iris’s mom has decided not to cut them off the insurance. We weren’t expecting to be that lucky.

As far as family dynamics go, Iris fits right in. We’ve all just adopted Iris as a member of the family. I now tell people I have 4 kids. That’s just how we roll.

I’m not sure how much more I can say without grossly invading Iris’s right to privacy.

Just know that Iris is love and I’m doing my best to do right by them. It’s a learning experience, all around, and we are learning as we go. But we’ll make it work.

Long term the goal is to get Iris back to college and then eventually out on their own. But I have some parenting to do in the meantime. There were some serious gaps left in Iris’s life education and they are not prepared to adult. But that’s fine. Together Iris will make an amazing adult and a loving member of society.

Anyway, I’m going to end this for now and take the spotlight off them. I’m sure they will come up in posts, just like any of my kids do, but now that’s they are just a daily part of the household, I’m going to let them fade back and just be.

Iris

Posted on by kmarrs

A lot has happened over the course of the past few months and while a better me would aim to discuss it in chronological order, ADHD me knows time isn’t linear and fake, to begin with. So I’ll start with Iris.

On January 6, 2020, I piled into my mother’s car, which would survive the trip better than my own, with my mother, who could function to actually drive the distance, and we started the trip to Iris’s house. That Monday night we stopped at my uncle’s house and started rebuilding a relationship there, all while avoiding the cost of a motel room. The next morning we started out on the second leg of the trip down and made it to our destination by about 8 pm.

Wednesday was the day we went to Iris’s house to pack them up. The original plan involved doing this while their moms were at work. In reality, their biological mom was home, sick and stepmom was quickly called in. Luckily we had advance warning and informed the sheriff’s department beforehand what was going on and had their presence while we got Iris out. All said and done, from the time we pulled up to the time we pulled away, we were there about 35 minutes.

Iris’s moms did not take it well. There was a lot of crying and disbelief that Iris would just up and leave without warning. I’m very proud of Iris though. They showed strength and nerve, despite their anxiety, and had a letter ready to explain why they were leaving (years or abuse).

We traveled a good 30 minutes out of town to a close-by city after getting Iris out. We sort of settled into our motel rooms and rested that afternoon. Then for dinner, we went for some traditional southern food. While I will not share where we would, as a bit to make Iris harder to track down, I will say it was the DEEP south and I refused to leave before sampling the food. No regrets. And I left for a need to have fried pickles make a regular appearance in my life.

Thursday we piled into the car and started the drive back. We spent that night at my uncle’s again. Then Friday we made it home.

It was a lot of time spent crammed in a car, all said and done in 5 days. I’m kind of amazed I survived.

I will say I could have not done this 5 years ago. My pain is much better managed now and mom was willing to stop as often as needed. Plus I know some tricks like the pillow behind the back and the existence of Tiger Balm.

Anyway, there is more to share about Iris. But I’ll continue next week as this week’s post is getting fairly long.