Month: October 2017

Dark Place

Posted on by kmarrs

I’m currently in a very dark place.  Money just got super tight.  Tighter than it’s been in a very long time and I’m terrified.

Plus school is currently kicking my ass.  Though my current class is about to be over.  I just have to watch a few more educational video, read one more chapter, and then write a paper.  Oh yeah.  And take a test worth 20% of my final grade.  *sigh*  I’m just super stressed.

After this class comes a management class.  I have not actually looked at it yet.  But it is the standard form.  No tests, just papers and most likely a group project.  I’m still at a point in my life where that is stressful, but it’s less stressful than this current class and I’m use to that format.  Most of the classes at my school don’t test.

After that class, which is 6 weeks long and ends December 12, I’ll have about 8 weeks off from classes.  That will be a much needed and welcomed break.  2 of those weeks will also be a vacation from work.  Won’t help the money situation any, but the entire university shuts down over the holidays, so I have no choice.  We’ll just have to make the best of it.  I do need the vacation, so that’s good at least.  I just hope the stress of losing more income, doesn’t outweigh the relaxation of a vacation.

So overall mental health wise… I have goals in life so I’m not actively suicidal.  But I would very much like to just curl up into a little ball and sleep until the world is a better and kinder place.

Also I miss my old cat that use to catch flies mid air and eat them.  I don’t… I can’t live with cats because they drive me crazy, but this fly is driving me crazier.  And it’s just… I’m already on the brink of a total mental breakdown, I don’t really need a fly pushing me over the edge.

But there you have it.

How can you help?

See the links to my books over in the left hand side?  Every little bit of additional income helps me out.  So consider purchasing one or both.  Alphabet Antics especially makes a great gift for the 2-5-year-old bracket.  That’s straight up money towards my rent and bills.  Never before has rent been in jeopardy, but starting now, it is.

School and Mental Health

Posted on by kmarrs

I’m way past due on an update, but there just wasn’t much to write about.  But I’m sitting here with time to kill, and I actually have something to say.

Having taken a good 5-6 years at my education, I’m still a couple years out from complete, but I’m running out of loan money.  And my loan money is essential for paying for my education if everything stays the same.  And by everything staying the same I mean me going part-time, mostly.

Let me back up.  Some of you know how Grants like the Pell Grant work here in America.  Let’s say, and this is a random number, you are granted 2000$ per term.  That’s great, but that’s only if you go full-time, or a full 12 credit hours.  If you go 6-8 credit hours, you get exactly, to the penny, half that.  Now at schools where classes run 3 credit hours, going part-time at 6 credit hours, is no big deal.  Your grants will generally cover this.  But my school the classes are 4 credit hours so I either take two classes at 8 credit hours, but get the grant money for 6, or I take the full 12 and get the grant money for 12.  Now you’re starting to understand why it is I took out student loans in the first place.  My mental health is not as such I can go full time easily, and well, loans also give us an extra 2000$ per term, roughly, to put towards things like bills, car repairs, or once a year Christmas.

Now that my loan money has run out, however, I have confirmed the numbers, and like it or not, starting next fall I start up full-time.  I do have 1 more term (Winter) worth of loan money left.  And I’m taking this summer off.

I’m.  I’m about at my breaking point.  Just stress and the pressure to perform.  I’m maintaining just shy of a perfect 4.0GPA and I’m well aware that to get into OSU’s psych program I need to not fuck up.  I mean really.  They are one of the top 25 schools for psychology in the country.  It’s going to be hella competitive getting in, and I’m not a shoo-in.  So I need to maintain perfect grades and that’s a lot of pressure.

Having this summer off will be a big help.  Plus since I’m still part-time I was able to schedule it so that I have a total of 8 weeks off, counting the holiday break, starting at the end of December into February.  That will be good.  2 of those weeks I’m out of work even.  So that will be really nice.

I’m just very tired.  And very stressed.  And doing my best to maintain mental stability, but some days it’s very challenging.