Archive for October, 2015

Christmas Miracle

Posted October 21, 2015 By kmarrs

Finances are worse than they’ve ever been for us before.  I honestly had no idea how we were going to pull off even a crappy Christmas much less a decent one.  But thankfully, I received my annual Christmas miracle: Amazon approved me for a credit line.  It’s nice because if you spend over $800, you aren’t paying interest for like 6 months, and I’ll be able to pay it off with the tax return no problem.  We’ve done this every year and it’s like the one credit card that’s never bit us in the ass.

So we got the kids taken care off.  I got something silly for my sister.  We bought a new tv because in 12 years of marriage we’ve never bought one and have been at the mercy of horrible hand-me-downs.  Plus the kids are getting a game system from Santa. (It’s actually a really cool retro system that has NES, Super NES, and Sega Genesis all in one.  So we also have kick ass games Pat and I grew up with incoming.)  And I got some supplies for the lizard while I was at it, because I needed the total up to get the special financing, but the kids don’t need the full lot spent on them.

So Christmas was saved.  And I’m done with my shopping for it, and it isn’t even Halloween.


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Posted October 19, 2015 By kmarrs

So in the past 2 weeks, I’ve taken 2 major tests.  One for stats and one for algebra.

In stats, I managed a 97% that I’m very happy with.  My score for the class thus far is 98.26%.  I don’t see that shifting much.  I mean, it might go down a few points maybe, but in general, I understand the material well enough.  So it’ll be stupid mistakes on tests that catch me up if anything.

In algebra, I managed a 115/115.  Here is how that breaks down: 107 from the test, 2 points bonus (there was a bonus question on the test for extra credit) and 6 points “extra”.  So I had a feeling, but I emailed my professor about those 6 points, to see where they came from.  Well they, and I quote “came from [me]. Just say thanks and take a nap.”  Heh.  This professor and I have an interesting relationship.  She knows I’m openly trying really really hard and I am exhausted with the workload of 2 math classes.  She knows I’m being bullied by a classmate and used by the rest.  She herself is being bullied by the same bully.  She knows the bully is also cheating, but she can’t prove it.  I’m helping her there.  She knows I’m going to have to work my ass off to keep an A.  I was at 90.17% before the test, but now I’m up to 94.90%.  Honestly, I think she wanted to give me a perfect score because the entire class, in a not so friendly tone, was assuming I was getting it anyway.  I couldn’t be happier about that 100% if I had earned it the old-fashioned way.  Even so, it wasn’t handed over for nothing.  I did earn it.  Just not in a more obvious way.

I really could use that nap.  I only have half the homework load this week, thanks to the stats test being an in-class test.  But I want to spend some time going over old material just to be sure I’ve really got it.  I’m not as confident as I’d like to be.  I did technically miss 8 points, after all.

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We’ll Start With The Ladies

Posted October 17, 2015 By kmarrs

I owe you all a few posts, but we’ll start with my breasts.

After a couple of exams, a mammogram, and a breast ultrasound, I can happily announce that there is a lump, but it’s basically lumpy fatty tissue and of no concern.

So that’s one less thing I have to worry about.

I do need to find a doctor and get some other things checked, though.  Ugh.

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It’s Probably Nothing

Posted October 12, 2015 By kmarrs

So I don’t really know what to say on this, or when the appropriate time to say it would be, if ever.  I’m just kind of at a point where if I don’t blog about it now, I may never, and I think I can work an important PSA into it.  So here goes.

On Wednesday, October 7, 2015, my husband found a lump in my right breast.  Well, not so much a lump, but a noticeable change.  I, of course, immediately made an appointment to have it checked.  The CPA that examined me said she was leaning towards it being nothing to worry about, but she did refer me out to a specialist so that we could all have peace of mind.

So on this coming Thursday, I will be getting my first ever mammogram.

At this point it’s more better safe than sorry than an actual alarm, but there is still a chance, however slight, that there is actually something wrong.

So I ask you to please, if you don’t already, check yourself regularly.  You are never too young, and things can spring up out of nowhere.

Ok.  Thanks.

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The Fellowship (Not) Of The Ring

Posted October 9, 2015 By kmarrs

I maybe, probably, like 75+% certain, have a job starting in January!  Not that I was necessarily looking for a job but…

See, my algebra professor is head of the math department.  At least her part of the math department.  So on top of teaching duties she has a butt ton of administrative stuff.  And she basically works like 60+ hours a week and is doing her best but is only one person and she actually manages to keep all the balls in the air, but it exhausting.  It sounds exhausting.  She needs help.

I pointed this out to her Wednesday and suggested she could use a TA.  She agreed and said she could ask for one, but no one ever wants to TA mathematics.  Ever.

Uh.  I would.  Gladly.

So she and I talked it over.  I’ve given her my background, my education goals, my career goals, and it sounds like the only person who’d want the job, is a good fit.

It does have to be officially posted and technically I could have competition.  But that’s why I’m only 75% certain I have a job starting in January.

January?  Yeah, I have to not be her student before I can TA.

Technically it would be a work fellowship because I’m not a graduate student, but it’s still basically the same thing.

And it’s a paying gig.  I honestly didn’t know that when I volunteered.

My logic…

I can’t handle working and school right now.  I’m still too fragile.  But…

This would only be like 10-15 hours a week.  Basically if I have class on, say, Tuesday and Thursday nights, I’d go down at noon and work for 5 hours then go to class.  Maybe a third day if there is enough work.

I would not be interacting with people other than professors and maybe occasionally scheduling a meeting for her, so there is no stress of the general public.  Plus there are no sales goals or customer service surveys.

I’d basically be grading, typing, copying, hole punching, stapling, etc etc.  The busy work she can delegate.  She even suggested she might loan me out to other professors who need help.  So this could get maybe at some point closer to 20 hours a week.

But… this is the stuff I actually enjoy doing.  And I enjoy Dr. Latin.  She drives me crazy, she reminded me a lot of me without the mental health issues, but we mutually respect each other and it makes for some fun banter.

I think this would be a way for me to work without feeling like I’m working.  Plus it gets me out of the house.  Plus it’s a paycheck.

More importantly: I can start teaching as soon as I have a bachelor’s in some cases.  That’s me teaching in, oh, 5 years.  If I spend the next 5 years TAing for various professors, I’ll have tons of experience in the world of teaching, behind the scenes anyway, and my foot in the door at the university I see myself teaching at.  This is a great step in the right direction.

So, I’m super excited.  I really hope this works out.  Not just because it’s a job and that would be useful, but because this is a great step in the direction I want to go.

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General Check-in

Posted October 7, 2015 By kmarrs

I know, it’s been a hot minute since I last posted.  I blame upcoming tests, school projects, and general course work load, but there has also been some gaming in there.  What can I say, it’s how I decompress.

And I’ve needed to decompress.

See last week, last Tuesday, I was on my way to class when my car’s steering column fell apart.  While I was driving the car.  Luckily I was in a parking lot going about 3 mph.  Because if I’d been on the freeway like 15 minutes earlier, I would have died.  That is no exaggeration.


So… That image just kind of sums up my, well, year. At least the past few weeks.

School is going well, except for the plan to make friends. If I get an A in the one class I’m going to have to fight for it tooth and nail. So that has me stressed. I mean it’s a good stress. The kind I thrive under. I’m also just still depressed and tired.

But it’ll work itself out, right? It will. I just need to hang in there.

I may have already said this, but I’m in a one-on-one DBT with my therapist. I’ve had to miss a couple of weeks thanks to the car, but we’ll pick up where we left off. It’s good to have a refresher on the skills. I’m also in a point in my life where I’m the most receptive to it. So yeah, that’s going well.

I guess… I’m doing what I need to do. I’m taking care of myself. So eventually this depression will lift. It has to.

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