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Isolation Part 3

hope love and Borderline personality disorder (BPD)

Part 1

Part 2

Remember that best friend I made and then lost around the time Pat and I blew up the second time? I’m calling him Clyde to respect his need for privacy. We’re back in contact. It’d been a full week even of texting back and forward. (This was the same week of the good-bye to my almost lover, actually.) I put on the table that I wanted to be friends again. A fresh start. He’s thinking about it. I guess we’ll see what he says.

I know in my heart that I haven’t been the same since he swept in, and then exploded out of my life. He was the perfect best friend and now there is this bestfriend shaped hole in my heart, in my world, where only Clyde really fits. I can honestly say I love him to death. Not romantic love, he isn’t my almost lover. No one could replace my almost lover, but no one could ever replace Clyde either.

I’m also going to be honest and say that if we become friends again, I think it’s inevitable that we’ll sleep together. First I doubt that chemistry will disappear just because time passed. Also, for me, I’m… Once I connect with someone mentally and emotionally, like I have with Clyde, it’s only natural to me to sleep with them. That’s one reason my marriage is open to begin with. Mind you, this doesn’t happen for me with many people. I can still count on one hand the number of people I’ve slept with in my life, but Clyde… with him I’m not asexual. Never have been and I doubt I ever will be. I’ve never really learned how to tame down lust as I so rarely feel it. So yes, it’s inevitable I’ll sleep with Clyde if he’ll take me back as a friend. But he’ll be my best friend and while it may not be romantic, I do love him to death, so it’s ok.

To Be Continued

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