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Sexuality of a Misfit

asexuality and Borderline Personality DisorderNot that it really matters, but I have finally found a set of labels that I feel most comfortable with.  I say it doesn’t matter because I am married to a man that I choose to be married to and we are as happy as any couple with our combination of mental health issues can be, and then some.

Sexuality, however, does matter.  As does gender.  Not everyone fits into the straight boy/girl or LGBT labels society seems to be ready to push us into.  Hell, society is really only fully comfortable with the straight boy or girl part.  There are so many of them out there and so many of us trying to find what works best for who we are.  So I finally, at the age of 31, found what fits me.  I’ll even define them for you and explain how they fit!

Sexuality: Asexual Grey-A: I typically don’t experience a sexual attraction, but there are known exceptions to this, my husband of 12 years for one. Typically someone has to capture my interests intellectually or by other random and rare means before I’ll have any chance of experiencing a sexual attraction to them. Even then, I have a really low sex drive.

Romantically: Panromantic: I can love anyone. If I’m going to feel a sexual attraction to anyone, it is personality based, not at all gender based, and comes after love, not before.  I am literally falling for the person, who they are, their mind, and not the sex parts or what they can do with them.

Gender: Demigirl: I was assigned female at birth and do indeed have female traits. I, in fact, mostly wear skirts and dresses, but only because pants were invented by the devil. I like the freedom skirts offer. I also have many masculine traits and my husband and I joke I’m the husband/father and he’s the wife/mother. While I am indeed a mix of both genders in interesting ways, I’m ok with being assigned female at both, I’m ok with she/her as my pronouns, and I don’t feel any need to lose the tits. (Though for back pain purposes I would be happy to go down a couple sizes. But that would still leave plenty of tits.)

Any of these labels are subject to change as I grow as a person and discover new labels out there that I feel fit better than the last. And in the end, it doesn’t really matter anymore for me as I’m happily married to someone who is also a unique blend of sexuality, romantically, and gender. And we seem to fit together perfectly, in such a way that anyone on the outside looking in goes “WTF”, but it works beautifully for us, and we could never find this match with any other.

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