I, for so many years, have known my husband and me to be a complicated mix of male/female with neither one of us fully subscribing to our assigned gender. It’s one of the reasons I’ve always gone back to him when I’ve left: I know no one else can complete me like he does.
With the post on my sexuality still pending, I had him read it and then asked him to expand upon what he thought his gender alignment to be. After a long talk it came to the agreed up conclusion that the old joke that “he is a lesbian trapped in a man’s body”, was not far from the truth.
You see, he really is at this point transgender. He was assigned male at birth, but relates more to the female gender. He’s not going to bother with a sex change, though, because he’s never seen a point, and he has a wife who is happy to let him be his inner woman. His sex organs are what they are, and as for “he/him” as his pronouns, he’s too lazy to bother caring or try to get us to change it. Also, he doesn’t consider it insulting. Never the less, he doesn’t really like being called a man, but he keeps that battle inside, and is glad “Pat” is so androgynous.
Should he have gone through the change, he would for sure be a lesbian. And no, that does not just make him a straight man. True gender is in the heart, not the parts.
Meanwhile there is me who doesn’t really feel like a woman, but doesn’t really feel like a man either. I’m not agender. I’m just me; a mostly woman with definite girl parts, but both male and female feelings and character traits. I’m just me; a panromantic, asexual, demi-girl, and I love my lover no matter the parts or pronouns. Because Pat completes and complements my gender in a way no one else could. We were able to give each other children. He is strong where I’m weak. I’m strong where he’s weak. Put us together and we are whole and one in a million.
For any number of things could have preventing us from meeting at that LARP game that Friday night. Instead, the stars aligned, the heavens took over, we met, we became friends, we feel in love, and we became what each other needed in a lover.