As I feel myself slipping into a dark place again, I am for once in my life doing everything I can to head it off.  Very constructive, beneficial stuff at that.  In place of self destructing, I’m attempting reconstructing.

I gave myself last weekend to refuse to leave my bed.  Pity party, maybe, but I mostly slept.  Exhaustion helps no one so I figured come work Monday morning, I’d have no excuse for being tired and might have the energy to work towards function.

Monday I fought back and forward between my usual Monday evening with Lisa and just going home to bed.  I finally settled on giving exercise the middle finger since it was cold out and I hurt physically, and she and I hit dinner and a movie.  That triggered an up swing.  It was exactly what was needed.  Exactly what the doctor would have ordered.  Didn’t even need a script.  Just some spending money.

Stepping back a bit, over the past few weeks I’ve been fighting to go with my burning desire to exercise, but the weather has been crap.  I’m not going to refuse to run because of rain or cold, but since my last run attempt was in the rain and cold and my joints were screaming as well, I decided I needed to just not hurt myself, and stop for a bit.  Long enough to regroup.  Long enough to form a battle plan.  Long enough to find a gym.

I’ve wanted to join a gym for years so I could start exercising but money has been a huge issue.  And investing in a contract to start something you can’t really afford isn’t the way to go.  Now that I’m actively exercising and my will power isn’t what’s working against me, I’ve decided now is the time.  I need climate control.

I spent time looking at my options.  I knew what I wanted but I also knew what I could afford.  Ideally I would join a gym with a pool and an indoor track that wasn’t stupid expensive.  My first choice was 80$.  It had everything I wanted, but not the price tag I could handle.

Today I signed a contract for the gym that I really think will work.  24$ a month gets me a pool, sauna, classes, and a women’s only gym that has equipment built for women.  Indoor track?  No.  But realistically I have pavement or a treadmill I can use depending on the weather.  I can’t have everything but I think this compromise is going to be solid.  It’s basically 7 minutes from where I work, so about 15 from where I live.  Work is literally smack dab in the middle of a straight line between home and gym.  The hours should be about perfect for what I need.  So all around this seems a doable investment.

And?  They teach aqua classes made for those with chronic pain.  They have a few things geared towards with chronic pain.

So hopefully by maintaining my Monday social hour with a few bonus days thrown in, and starting a workout routine that won’t hurt me further, I can actually pull myself out of this funk and stay out.

Bonus days?  A bunch of us from work are going to a haunted house this coming Friday.

And?  While I can’t even say this with a straight face, I’m attending my first ballet class on Tuesday.  It’s made for people who have no business taking ballet.  I’m going with Lisa and another friend from work.  It should be quite the humiliating experience.  For everyone involved.  I’m actually looking forward to it.

And I think that’s the key.  Making sure I have things to look forward to.  I’ve never tried that anti-depressant before.