A Year

My darling baby girl,

My whole life I waited for you to enter my world.  At the age of two I was falling in love with what would be your name.  At four I was given my first dolly that would share your name.  I still have that dolly waiting for you to be big enough to handle her.  As I grew bigger and got to where I was dating and trying to find your future daddy, it wasn’t just about who I wanted to grow old with, I was looking for someone as excited as I was about bringing my Samantha into the world.  That, was your daddy.  So don’t worry, I married him real fast.

It took us a few tries.  We got your big brothers first.  But I really think that was how it was meant to be.  No one can possibly love you like your brothers do.  You are their own personal precious metal.  Someone to be cherished, protected, and adored.  No one can get you to belly laugh like your oldest brother Thomas.  He got your first few.  And even now at a year old, if you need cheering up, it’s Thomas we call in.  Your Lucas, however, shows no bigger concern for your happiness.  He is a sensitive boy and you are a grand recipient for the fierceness of his love.

Your daddy.  There just aren’t words.  He’s wanted a daughter his whole life as fiercely as he’s needed oxygen to keep breathing.  You are his pearl.  His hopes.  His dreams.  You are his everything and his world became brighter the second you entered it.

My world became brighter.

You are magic.  I search my soul looking for the words to tell you about you and they don’t exist.  You are everything I had ever hoped for in my daughter.  My Samantha.  And yet, you go so far beyond my hopes and dreams.  I figured I had the love of a parent for a child  figured out well before you.  After all, I had been a mother for 8 years before you came into my life.  But I was so far wrong.  So incredibly wrong.

I’m not afraid to tell you that you weren’t planned.  Sure mommy and daddy were going to start trying for you within the year, but not yet.  We weren’t ready.  Mommy was in a job she hated and wanted to get settled into a new one.  Our house wasn’t big enough.  Our income wasn’t quite right.  But there you were.  Doing things your way and in your time.  And I can’t help but know however ready we may not have felt, we wouldn’t have wanted things any other way.

You are our miracle.  We shouldn’t have gotten pregnant, here you are.  Daddy isn’t suppose to be able to have little girls, you are the apple of his eye.  My pregnancy with you was miserable, but I laughed you into the world.

Suddenly nothing else mattered in that 4:00 hour of the afternoon on August 30, 2011.

After 30 minutes of laughing you past my pelvic bone that you were stuck on, and seeing your beautiful face, and that whooper of a bruise on your forehead… Nothing.  Else.  Mattered.

You are everything this family ever needed to be complete, and now that you are here we are whole.  The 5 of us are whole.

Watching you grow over the 12 months that followed has been an experience.  With your brothers I was so depressed that I don’t recall much of their early months and years.  With you I was different.  You have brought a happiness and a calmness to our family allowing us all to enjoy your achievements and growth.

You do things on your terms.  As a Princess, you’ll have it no other way.  We are all well aware you could walk if you want to.  But princesses don’t walk.  You hold your own bottle, but only because that means you don’t have to be confined to our arms when you eat.  You are into everything and bring terror to the organization of all.

You are sweet, peaceful, loving.  You are goofy, happy, and creative.

You are our pride, our joy, our happiness, our Princess.

You are our Sammy, SamBam, Samtron, Dark Lady Samageddon, Samulous Prime, Samurai.

You are our Samantha Lavay Marrs.  And we waited a very long damn time for you to enter our world.  And now that you’re here, we’re everything we hoped for and beyond. Happy first birthday, my beautiful baby girl!

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