Archive for July, 2012

My Boy’s Best Friend

Posted July 16, 2012 By kmarrs

Thomas has a best friend.

I learned of this friend a couple of years ago but didn’t know much about him.  As this past school year began, I was waiting for a turn at a parent-teacher meeting when I happened upon the best friend’s family.  His mom knew me right away, I drew a blank.  This isn’t unusual for me.  Or her, actually.  To my credit, she knew me as Thomas’ mom so that implies there hadn’t been lengthy conversation prior to this introduction.  And she’s the queen of the PTA, as her own son, and now my son, has dubbed her, so she knew Thomas well.

Anyway, I got to know of her quickly and asked the boys’ teacher about their friendship (there are some punks who aren’t good to my lovin’ everyone boy) and made note I needed to get their contact information so that I could help encourage this friendship.

Months passed and I kept meaning to and meaning to…

When it was the night before the last day of school, and I realized that I was about to spend 3 months listening to my oldest complain that he missed said friend hit, and I went crap.

So I wrote a letter.  Realizing I didn’t even recall the momma’s name, other than Queen of the PTA, I made it clear that we needed to get the boys together and gave her a few ways to contact me.  I told Thomas to give it to his friend and received confirmation from him that he had.

Then we waited a month with no word and my boy hurting and my heart sunk.

Finally, I got a message on my voice mail earlier this week from her, frantic and apologetic it had taken so long.  There had been a death, in a whole other state, and they had also lost the letter.  Finally, once back in town, and after tearing the house apart, it was found and contact was made.

We talked back and forward over the week and had to cancel one possibility, much to Thomas’ dismay, but a playdate was set up and kept.

People, you know me.  You know playdates aren’t my thing.  Mostly because while my social anxiety isn’t as apparent as my husband’s, it’s still there.  But this was my boy.  And his first true blue best friend (that I didn’t want to punch in the face.  I would never punch a child in the face.  Doesn’t mean I won’t think about it.).  And I did what I had to do.  I packed him in the car, added his baby sister to the mix as an ice breaker, and we went to a stranger’s (to me) house and hung out for over 2 hours.

When we got there she was apologetic as she was building furniture that she’s started that AM and was expecting to have done long before we got there, but it didn’t work out that way.  I realized she is real.

Then she told me she was building a bookcase because the 10 (possible exaggeration but not by much) she had could no longer contain her books.  I realized she was my people.

She reads sci-fi and fantasy and anything really.  I saw nothing but bare feet, great children, and well-loved home filled with warmth.

I think I may have found a mommy friend.

I also got to know her boy better.  I saw her parent.  I saw him friend.  And I saw that this friendship between her boy and my boy will be good for them.  Good for all of us.  He is a well-behaved kid who respects himself, my son, and those around him older and younger.  He has the spark of mischief all 9-year-old boys are meant to have, but he knows his limits and boundaries.  And those boundaries won’t have him encouraging my kid to cause trouble in the bathroom just so he can rat him out. (Kindergarten.  A different group of boys.  Why I’m leery of school friends.)

Already we are planning the next get-togethers.  She’ll borrow my boy for the day in the next couple of weeks for a zoo trip.  I’ll see if I can talk Pat (hey Pat!) into inviting him over for a slumber party some Saturday when my mom has Luke.

Most importantly we’re all of the opinion that the best entertainment is a house with toys, a yard to play in, and best friend who can help cause mischief and mayhem, all while well supervised and loved.

I also like that while they are highly (HIGHLY) religious, at no point did I feel like I was in danger of having my soul saved.  But it does help shed light on the basis of their morals and values.  (They are, to me, what Christianity should be about.   Religious or not, I can dig that.)

I am really excited about this!

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To AC Or Not To AC

Posted July 13, 2012 By kmarrs

When I worked at the grocery store and the AC went out, no one who had the power to fix or replace really cared.  It’s been over a year and I wouldn’t be surprised if it still isn’t working.

Our AC at the bank went out last week.  It died towards the end of the day on the 3rd.  Due to the holiday, it was the 5th before anyone could look at it.  They were in bright an early, brought a ton of fans, and did a temp fix, that sadly didn’t last, while they hunted down a part.

Apparently, it’s the compressor that’s shot.  This isn’t some tiny piece.  The replacement will be hauled to the roof via a crane.  I know because they had a crane all ready to go this past Monday but the part that had been overnighted never showed up.

I don’t know the story of why it isn’t here yet.  I don’t know when for sure we’ll have our AC back.

I do know the grocery store didn’t care and didn’t see the lack of air as a problem.  I know the bank is every day thankful we are sticking this out.

I know the grocery store grumbled if we asked for water to stay hydrated.  I know the bank is passing out fancy cups that will hold 16 oz and help keep it cold.

I know the grocery store expected you to work as if nothing was wrong.  I know the bank is telling us if we need a break it’s ours no questions asked.

I know the grocery store told us it wasn’t that hot, at over 100 degrees internal.  I know the bank has rented us 3 mobile AC units to try and help keep it from getting that hot internal.

We aren’t exactly comfortable in the bank.  But the knowledge that the company cares and is doing everything in its power is huge.

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Spent Energy

Posted July 12, 2012 By kmarrs

I’m not doing much of anything online right now, so it isn’t just this blog I’ve abandoned.  OCD Ollie had about 2 weeks worth of posts prescheduled.  Once those ran out, nothing has been added since.   A Metric Fuck Ton of Glitter is still going, but only because I had about a month’s worth scheduled in advance there most the time.  I’m down to like 5 more days.  I never even started Baking with Babette.

Twitter and Facebook I’ll post to on occasion, but that doesn’t require much thought or effort.

All I can really say is that nothing is wrong, I’m just tired.  I’m working full-time hours, managing about 5 projects at work, in addition to what I was actually hired to do.  It doesn’t help that the AC is currently out at work.  So by the time I get home and am pounced on by my kids, I’m just drained.  What energy is left is spent on them and then I curl up with a book and I’m down for the night.

I am doing a LOT of reading in my down time.  And I’m trying to give the kids as much of me as I can since I’m gone more.

So I guess, really, I haven’t put a halt to blog because things are wrong, I’ve put a halt because everything is right.

I will be back.  I’ll check in now and then.  Maybe even a long post, now and then.  But for now I’m on summer hiatus.  It’s needed now and then.

Meanwhile I have a post idea list running so that when I do have the energy and time, I have no shortage of material.  So that’s somehting, I suppose.

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Posted July 7, 2012 By kmarrs

Going to my first ever convention tonight.  It’s a convention for the LARP Pat plays in each week.  I’d love to play each week but motherhood calls.  However their yearly convention is just down the road, my mom was lined up to babysit and away we go!  I’m nervous as hell.  I don’t know most these people.  But, I know the game.  And my character is meek so I’m ok being quiet and hanging onto my hubby.

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Say It To Me Not Behind Me

Posted July 5, 2012 By kmarrs

We are best friends, but when we catch up it’s hard for me to get a word in to catch you up on my life. This wouldn’t be nearly as bad if 90% of your words weren’t negative about everyone and everything in your life. We all can say something negative about everyone we know since no one is perfect, humans are flawed. But the ability to look past the flaws and see the remarkable is the true beauty of human interaction. And no matter what I have negative to say about my husband, family, and friends, it’s always made clear by me how wonderful I think you all really are. You say that you don’t really talk to any of your other friends. And you give all these reasons based on their annoying personality traits. But as time goes by, and it’s been 10 years, I am wondering if as you start sounding more and more superior if maybe it’s you, and not them. That hit my full force with something you said at me. Not to, but at. You, who I thought to be the 1 person who loved me fully and unconditionally for who I am, yet don’t in any way have to. (Even my husband, who does have some choice, is tied by a legal contract and 3 kids that make it harder for him to just walk away.) And now I’m left wondering: what exactly are you saying about me behind my back? Because I’m well aware there is plenty you could be. I spend a lot of time, all our time together really, listening to what you have to say about every single person in your life. No one seems to be immune. And none of what you say is positive. So I’m left doubting that I could possibly be the one exception. And I’m left wondering what it is you are saying about me. And I’m starting to think maybe I don’t want to hear about them anymore. I’m done sympathizing with you. Because, no really. I don’t think it’s them. I think it’s you. I think you are the reason a long list of friends stopped contacting you. And I think it’s because you have it in your head that you are so much better. But sweetie, you are just as flawed as the rest of us. And I guess after 10 years, and an apparent gleaming white BPD built pedestal, I’m finally realizing that.

And for the record: No 4-year-old goes to a parade to see politicians drive by begging for you to vote for them. They go for the candy their wives and friends pass out. And then get excited over the occasional fire truck and (apparently) marching bands. And no, I will not apologize for or be made to feel bad for encouraging the 4-year-old, who was glued to my side, to be more aggressive in seeking it out; when the 17 or 18 year old to our right was being all grabby grabby and not a damn candy giver missed him. I wasn’t telling my 4-year-old to push and shove. I was encouraging him to step up and ask not to be missed like a 4-year-old should and to out cute the near adult who walked away with 10 times what both my kids did combined. And no, I simply can’t just go to Krogers and buy him candy. Not like that anyways. Not when there are weeks we are counting quarters for one last loaf of bread or gallon of milk to be sure we have enough until my next payday. I may not be the most responsible person, but I’m not that irresponsible. Though maybe you think I am? Because I am the welfare recipient with 3 kids after all. As I’m starting to imagine everyone you know and talk to is well aware. But do you also tell them how hard I’m working to improve my situation in life so that I can do right by those 3 kids? Somehow, I doubt it. Because I don’t hear any of that stuff about them.

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Posted July 5, 2012 By kmarrs

Work is going good and I just got a promotion, but with 3 kids, every little bit helps.  I’ve built an association with Amazon.  Don’t know if it will work out or do any good.  But the perk is I get to show you the books for BPD I recommend the most. (Bottom right column)  Then in the footer… well if you are planning to make an Amazon purchase and start from that search box I get a little something.  Not much but something.  And all you are doing is changing where you star the Amazon purchasing from.

If you aren’t into it, don’t worry about not using it and it’s tucked away down at the bottom.  If it doesn’t work out, I’ll remove the search box.  I still like the carousel thingie because it is a great way to show books on this illness I find helpful.

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