Death
I woke up Wednesday morning, the morning of my Notary Public exam with the Columbus Bar Association no less, feeling funny in my tummy. I brushed it aside and had a bowl of cereal. Because breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Breakfast didn’t help.
We all gathered in the car at 8:45 (OK 8:50. It’s hard to be obsessively early with 3 kids.) so that I could be downtown by 9:45AM. On the way there, the motion of the road had me regretting breakfast. I hoped it was nerves or something that would settle.
I made it through my test. Spending more effort concentrating on not exploding than anything else, I might add. Got back in the car that was thankfully waiting.
The ride home, oh the ride home. That’s around the time I realized that no, I would not be making it into work at 12:30PM as scheduled and planned.
I almost didn’t make it home. When I did, at 11AM, I made the call to work with my bum planted on potty, and a throw-up bowl in my lap. I needed both. At times I needed both at the same time.
Thankfully, with a strong work ethic backing me up, work was understanding. Which is good because I spent most the rest of the day curled up into the fetal position concentrating on limiting where the explosions came from. And not dying so that I could live to warn my kids away from 79 cent chicken pot pies.
Have you seen video of what happens if you give a seagull and alka-seltzer tab? I understand their pain.
This morning I woke up a touch weak from lack of food and an overabundance of bodily ick, but otherwise feeling a hell of a lot better.
I had my first successful fart.
I’ve had my first solid poop.
And I’m cursing the 79 cent chicken pot pie I had for lunch Tuesday. Though, in all honesty, it was named brand and probably a fluke. A fluke I won’t risk repeating anytime soon.
Not worth it.
But over all, while Wednesday sucked, I’m very thankful that food poisoning leaves the system as quickly as it knocks it flat. With a two-by-four. With spikes added for shits and vomits. (I was going to say shits and giggles but clearly I couldn’t pass up that opportunity.)
Oh and by-and-by, despite being on death door-step, not only did I pass my Notary Public exam, but I got a freakin’ 100%! I get my commission in roughly 6 weeks from the Secretary of the State. Then I have to file it with the clerk of courts. But then I get my very own seal with my name on it and everything!
About kmarrs
I was diagnosed with BPD in my mid 20's and have been writing about it ever since with the goal to educate, inform, and sometimes entertain. Depends on the day and topic.
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