It’s silly, I know.  I’m 28 and have many years ahead of me.  Yet, I can’t shake this feeling that I’m running out of time to figure out where I’m going in this current life on Earth.

Deciding what I want to study in school is nice and all, but pointless if I’m not actually doing it.  The last time I was in a class, Luke was, well, younger than Sammy.  He is 4 now.  Nearing 4 1/2.

I’m suppose to be taking classes this summer, but they are being pushed aside so I can move.  Which is, actually, the reason the last set of classes I tried for got pushed aside.  I little less than 4 years ago.

How much longer before the planets align and I make this education thing happen?  Do I need to just hold my breath, plug my nose, squeeze both eyes shut, and jump in to sink or swim?

And just as I’m on the brink of maybe for once knowing at least which education pool I’m jumping into, another fork in the road is stumbled upon.  I really, really love the idea of the two year in small business management followed by economics.  It just sounds so fulfilling to me.  And the business is a solid foundation no matter what.

But now, my job is pulling at another side of me.  A long held pipe dream of being paid to be creative is coming to life before my eyes.  I’ve been paid to kick off my shoes and write a poem.  I’m designing newsletters and flier hand-outs.  Immediate and not so immediate supervisors and managers are abuzz about what this could mean for me.  Where I could be going.  Hired in as teller, but stolen away by marketing?

Oh hey!  You know, you should get a degree in graphic design!

Yeah, but I don’t really want one…

But if you are this good now, just think of what you could do with proper training!

But… Economics…

But logically… I mean… it’s work.  And they think I should go for this.  So that I can get a kick-ass, high paying job that will allow me to support my family by being creative!  How does one argue that?

Except, if this doesn’t work out, grads of a graphic design degree are a dime a dozen and the work is scarce.

An economics degree… those grads are being snagged up like the most precious commodity and handed family sustaining jobs right off the graduation stage.

One just seems a little more secure to me.  Even if the current company I work for has interest in the other.  And well, frankly, they could put my economics degree to damn good use to.  It isn’t like I have only one possible path with this company.

At least economics sounds fun to me?  I mean, Maths! Algebra!  Equations where the letters out number the numbers!  I love this stuff!

And graphic design?  I have Photoshop, and don’t shoot me here, but I don’t really like it.  I’m not into photo editing.  I’m into reality being reality.  The camera captures the soul of the person.  Photo editing removes it.  Sure, I’ll resize, maybe crop.  But then, I shoot how I want things cropped, so not even usually then.

But the feeling of kicking off my shoes and writing that poem, on the clock, and leaving the branch in awe…

But then, we didn’t even win a damn thing in the contest.

So where does this leave me?

And does it even matter if I can’t get myself into a class?