Archive for April, 2012

Running Out of Time

Posted April 23, 2012 By kmarrs

It’s silly, I know.  I’m 28 and have many years ahead of me.  Yet, I can’t shake this feeling that I’m running out of time to figure out where I’m going in this current life on Earth.

Deciding what I want to study in school is nice and all, but pointless if I’m not actually doing it.  The last time I was in a class, Luke was, well, younger than Sammy.  He is 4 now.  Nearing 4 1/2.

I’m suppose to be taking classes this summer, but they are being pushed aside so I can move.  Which is, actually, the reason the last set of classes I tried for got pushed aside.  I little less than 4 years ago.

How much longer before the planets align and I make this education thing happen?  Do I need to just hold my breath, plug my nose, squeeze both eyes shut, and jump in to sink or swim?

And just as I’m on the brink of maybe for once knowing at least which education pool I’m jumping into, another fork in the road is stumbled upon.  I really, really love the idea of the two year in small business management followed by economics.  It just sounds so fulfilling to me.  And the business is a solid foundation no matter what.

But now, my job is pulling at another side of me.  A long held pipe dream of being paid to be creative is coming to life before my eyes.  I’ve been paid to kick off my shoes and write a poem.  I’m designing newsletters and flier hand-outs.  Immediate and not so immediate supervisors and managers are abuzz about what this could mean for me.  Where I could be going.  Hired in as teller, but stolen away by marketing?

Oh hey!  You know, you should get a degree in graphic design!

Yeah, but I don’t really want one…

But if you are this good now, just think of what you could do with proper training!

But… Economics…

But logically… I mean… it’s work.  And they think I should go for this.  So that I can get a kick-ass, high paying job that will allow me to support my family by being creative!  How does one argue that?

Except, if this doesn’t work out, grads of a graphic design degree are a dime a dozen and the work is scarce.

An economics degree… those grads are being snagged up like the most precious commodity and handed family sustaining jobs right off the graduation stage.

One just seems a little more secure to me.  Even if the current company I work for has interest in the other.  And well, frankly, they could put my economics degree to damn good use to.  It isn’t like I have only one possible path with this company.

At least economics sounds fun to me?  I mean, Maths! Algebra!  Equations where the letters out number the numbers!  I love this stuff!

And graphic design?  I have Photoshop, and don’t shoot me here, but I don’t really like it.  I’m not into photo editing.  I’m into reality being reality.  The camera captures the soul of the person.  Photo editing removes it.  Sure, I’ll resize, maybe crop.  But then, I shoot how I want things cropped, so not even usually then.

But the feeling of kicking off my shoes and writing that poem, on the clock, and leaving the branch in awe…

But then, we didn’t even win a damn thing in the contest.

So where does this leave me?

And does it even matter if I can’t get myself into a class?

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Daddy’s Girl

Posted April 22, 2012 By kmarrs

We have entered the realm of being daddy’s girl.  For Sammy, it seems, this means she cries dragon tears streaming down her face, every time daddy dare exit the room.  No matter that momma is holding her, daddy went pee.  Without her.

I think it’s glorious.  First, because I have the joys of being able to pee without breaking my girl’s heart.  But also, I so wanted this relationship for my daughter and husband.  For as long as Pat has wanted a daddy’s girls, I’m thrilled he has one.

But it leaves me to wonder:  How does this phenomenon come to be?

Do daddies covet their little girls because little girls so obviously worship their daddies?


Do little girls worship their daddies because their daddies so obviously covet them?

My boys have always held me as their #1.  They are my boys and I’m their momma.  They love their daddy no doubt, but I’m the one who triggered the dragon tears the most by leaving the room.  Both boys were the same.  Hell, Luke threw himself on top of my feet when I was about to leave with a friend just last week.  He hardly blinks when daddy leaves.  Not because he doesn’t love and miss daddy, but because he knows daddy always comes back.  I always come back too, but I’m momma so it isn’t the same.  I’m also gone more though.  At the same time, this is true for Sammy too, but she is all about her daddy.

Sammy so obviously has a thing for her daddy.

Is this nature or nurture?

And who is the trigger and who is responding?  Father or daughter?

I can’t help but wonder.

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Posted April 20, 2012 By kmarrs

Had a post in the works to go live today.  Started it before work yesterday, was going to finish it after, and then schedule it to drop mid-morning, this morning.

But I am a klutz and on my way out from under a desk to plug in a USB thumb drive, at work, I conked my head on a sharp edge of the underneath.  I let it pass for awhile.  Did confirm I wasn’t bleeding.  But I’m a klutz and I wasn’t worried.  But a few hours passed and I noticed my neck was hurting in a way that isn’t normal for me, and it was decided I should get seen by a doctor just in case.

A half dozen worker’s comp forms, and exam later I’m ok.  My head is tender.  My neck was slightly jarred on impact.  But I am fine.  I’ve done worse.  This one was at work, but whatever.  I have pain meds and have been given a script for a muscle relaxer for my neck.  I’m good.  Back to work as usual.  The only time missed was the time I was at the urgent care.

And the question of missing more?  I have 3 kids at home.  Home, I do believe, is the bigger hazard to my health.  Work is safe.

And bank teller work injuries are hardcore yo!

I’ll schedule the planned post to drop Saturday or something.  It’s a cute one, but it isn’t time sensitive.  Because dude, my head hurts so I’m going to pop some pills and ignore the former plans.

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My Good Friend Cal

Posted April 19, 2012 By kmarrs

So now that I’m off all my meds, of all types, and my body is no longer to be inhabited by children, it is time I get serious about losing some pounds.  On the one hand, I no longer have a crutch.  On the other hand, I no longer have stuff making it impossible.  So let’s do this!

I joined My Fitness Pal last Monday.  Which basically means I’m counting calories.  Which I think in the long run is the smart way to go as long as I’m not dumb with it.

If the day is full of veggies and not sweets but I’m a few calories over, oh well.  But it really is delivering the message of portion control.  “Dropping that portion by what does what to my total count?  That’s like 5 bites!  Shit I can do that!”

It also lets me sit and look at, of all the options before me, what is my best bet for a snack.  I was making choices that I thought were healthy and they WERE NOT.  Meanwhile, the entire bag of movie theater butter popcorn is 88 calories.  I also confirmed my thought that investing in raw, natural almonds was smart.  As long as I don’t eat the whole bag.  Note to self: Don’t eat the whole bag.

Then comes the exercise section.  I flat out told the site I don’t plan it.  Thinking that it was talking gym, jogging or lifting weights, etc.  I just don’t have time and energy.  Lazy, fine, but honest.  Also, money.  I would love to swim but no pool and no suit.  I would actually love to weight lift and would find a time even if it meant going at 5AM.  Don’t laugh.  But I don’t have the money.  Bike?  Yep, money.  So I flat out told the site exercise wasn’t happening.  But apparently, a lot of the basic day-to-day shit I do counts.  Fine, lifting Sammy around isn’t a ton of calories burned, but it’s still something.

Then I got to wondering how many calories a person burned during sex.  It lists cooking, cleaning, and basic walking around a store.  But not sex.

So I of course looked it up and input the totals under my own personal exercises.

Which led to this question for Pat (whom I made join the site with me):

Are you going to be mad if I ask you for sex because I want to work a candy bar into my allowed calorie count?

I couldn’t think of a better reason.

See, this is why I married  a fellow fat person!  You understand these things!

And really, that might just be the key to a successful marriage.

And yes, Pat really did join the site with me.  I asked him because I wanted him to be aware of what I was doing and where I was coming from if I said I really just couldn’t eat something or decided such and such wasn’t worth it.  (Let’s be honest I’ll have days where I go way over my count, but it damn well better be worth it.)  But he is actually really into it.  Probably because his daily calorie allowance is like 1000 points higher than mine, and that’s site calculated. (Mine is 1950)

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Dry Nights

Posted April 15, 2012 By kmarrs

Thomas at 2 was easy to potty train.  I didn’t even have to do much except pour him juice and hand over the occasional hotwheel car.  I’m not sure he even needed the cars.  But I was all for a potty training reward system.  The whole process was given a 4 day weekend, it didn’t need it.

But at night he just couldn’t stay dry.  In the past 6 years I have spoken to therapists and doctors and tried many things.  But it just came to the point of brain chemistry not being ready. (The brain makes a chemical that cuts back on the need to potty at night.  When it’s ready.)  It doesn’t help that he is very much my child and can sleep through anything.  The times spent on rubber sheets where he’d pee a literal puddle?  Slept right through.  The many hours spent at waking him before I went to bed so he could potty?  Well, little brother would wake, which is always a treat, but not my Thomas.

We finally just had to stand back recognize that he really can’t help it and provide pull-ups.

When the time came to potty train Luke, he was a bear.  And for a really, really long time he had issues going #2.  Anywhere.  So he has had many doses of Miralax in his life.  Very many doses.  So for a long time we had to keep him in a pull-up because he the Miralax dose was so strong, he couldn’t make it to the potty on time.  Adults would struggle.

But my little red head of stubborn had this mentality that if he was in a pull-up he didn’t even have to try and keep it dry.

Finally after about 9 months of constant treatment for his enlarged colon, we finally have the number 2 issue solved.  Or at least regulated.  So Luke was down to pull-ups at just night.

Which, btw, still had me at a grand total of 3 in a diaper of some form.

Last Monday night, Luke came down 3 minutes after I had watched him pee, handed him a pull-up and sent him to bed.  He had peed his pull-up.  He hadn’t even tried to keep it dry.  He had in fact done it on purpose to postpone bed-time.  Momma don’t play that game.  Those are expensive, I have 3 kids in them, and we just took on a huge car payment and an increase in insurance.  The budget works out, but we can’t waste shit like pull-ups.

Then I realized, how do I even know he is waking up wet in the morning because he peed in the night?  How do I know he isn’t waking up dry and peeing in it right then and there?

So I sent his ass to bed in underwear.  Oh he was pissed about that one.  But?  He stayed dry.  And has stayed dry every night since.

Then about Wednesday, Thomas realized little brother was fully out of pull-ups, and whatever psychological dam there was broke, and he has stayed dry every night since Wednesday night.

And magically, in the span of less than a week, I went from 3 in diapers, of some form, to only 1.

But at 7-months-old, I’ll let Sammy slide.  For now.

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This story involves a grocery store, but the same can apply to just about any store, restaurant, or establishment of service. 

I knew yesterday as I went to return the 2 packages of pull-ups, without a receipt, at the Kroger in the bad part of town, that I was in for a struggle.  Diapers are a high crime item.  They were Kroger brand, and I knew exactly when I bought them (down to the hour) and how I paid for them so I knew there was hope.  But I knew it wouldn’t be an easy feat without my receipt.

I get up to the customer service counter, and the Manager, whom I recognized, was called up.  He told me as long as I used my Kroger Plus Card, the purchase could be tracked and we’d be good to go.  Awesome!  Here ya go!  He goes into the back to do his thing and comes out telling me he couldn’t find it.  He searched the 1-13th of April.  In case my as stated date-of-purchase of the 7th was off.

Heh so what now?  He asked if I was wanting an exchange or a full refund.  I told him that the 4yo in question was cold turkied from pull-ups one night right after those were bought and has stayed dried since.  That I really didn’t have a need for 88 pull-ups but that the milk and eggs it could buy would be immensely useful.  That’s a lot of milk.  And I would be perfectly alright with store credit because that’s what I figured I’d be getting anyway and was already planning to turn around and use it on food.  Did I have an option?

The manager looked at me and mused out loud that he’s seen me in there a lot.  He’s seen my buy those exact pull-ups a lot.  He didn’t say this part out loud but you could see him silently calculate that I have never been so much as suspected of stealing, and have indeed been seen purchasing.  There was no reason to think  I was lying.  Plus, I wasn’t.

He nodded to the Customer service pipsqueak to run it as a store credit return and I thanked him.

He broke policy.  He had the power to, but didn’t have to.  But he broke it because he knew me well enough as a customer and I’ve never presented a reason not to.  Krogers had nothing to lose in that transaction because Krogers had nothing to lose with me.

That Krogers literally sits about half way between my work and home.  There are weeks where I’m in there at least 5 times.  I’m in there all the time.  I’m loyal to the company as a whole.  And I’m honest.

And I’m thankful because almost 40$ in pull-ups buys a LOT of milk.

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