I Picked A Hell Of A Time

For months I was only on the one med so that if/when postpartum hit I’d be ready.  For months I took my Cymbalta because I might get sad around the end of February.

February came and went, but the sads never showed their face.

Oh I had my moments but they were all life moments.  Easily enough explained and dealt with.  Not reasons to pop a pill.

So 2 weeks ago when it came time to refill my script for the pills that beat the sads that never showed, I asked if we could skip that part of the appointment.  We had talked along of me going off meds once I was in the clear.  Why wait?  I was/am doing tremendous.  So, I went off meds.

This week I have:
Started my menstrual cycle, which always makes for wholesome hormonal goodness.
Went off caffeine cold turkey.
Gone to put on a skirt that fit me at 9-months pregnant but apparently doesn’t fit me now.  This week anyways.

Oh hey, we may have found a house if everything goes as planned.  Though, of course, moving is fun.  Plus, 30 year mortgage is a bit of a weight.  Good, but still heavy.
Had to inform my Grandmother that her son will be homeless in 2 months.
Had my father assault my husband.
Been made to feel numerous times, by people I can trust, that I’m not good enough and/or I can’t do anything right.
Made the first car payment.
Realized exactly how fun the next year of car payments will be.
Destroyed my left ankle.  6 days and it’s still fucked.
Left Band Back Together.  Not because it’s what I’ve wanted to do but because it’s what I had to do.  Drama free aside from broken heart(s).
Found out that a good friend who is deeply cared about by the whole family has Crohn’s disease.  Which isn’t fatal, usually.  As long as you stick to a diet.
Had to search every random corner of my life for pads because my period started 4 days sooner than it should have which means I didn’t make it to the paycheck.
Realized that despite me being sterile now, I have 30ish more years of buying tampons and pads so that I can go through a process that is pointless.

So this week… This week it looks like, based on my mood, that maybe I shouldn’t have gone off my meds.  However I’m not sure how any of the above can be fixed by me taking a pill.  (Some of it could be fixed by someone else who shall remain nameless but apparently has had a known diagnosis of exactly what I figured for years now but doesn’t choose to see it as a problem…)  Fine.  Maybe it could help me cope?  But when you aren’t searching and aiming for my buttons/last nerve, I’m coping pretty well.  Even if that means crashing into bed at 7PM.  But then, sometimes that sleep can be very healing.  When following a day as a functioning working adult.


So I am seriously toying with getting a degree in economics after I finish my 2 year in business management.  Realistically, the two pair very nicely and economics would take me serious places at the bank.

Also?  More algebra!  Yes, that is a reason to go for it.  I’m very sad business degrees don’t require more math than the most basic.

I like that it is a very logic based field dealing with algebra and statistics while still allowing that degree of creativity and thinking outside the box, depending on where you go with it.  Since I seem to be both right (creative) and left (logic) brained, this fills the needs of my whole soul in a package that will feed my family.

Even if banking doesn’t work out, for whatever reason, this degree would open so many doors.  And according to some serious stats, this degree has grads getting nice paying jobs right out off the graduation stage.  They are walking off the stage, diploma freshly in hand, and into a mid range 5 figure job.  I can do things with that.  And enjoy it for more than just the check it brings.

So it has potential.

It is not as fun, but more realistic than the Psychology degree.

Psychology, btw, would still be AWESOME but I seem to be getting that need filled at Band Back Together which lets me back burner that dream without too much protest.

A degree in Maths would be kick-ass.  But honestly, I’m not sure even I’m that good.  I’m good, yes.  But I value my brain being intact.  So maybe I’ll just add some math electives to whatever I do for fun.  Yes, sorry mom.  I know that isn’t your influence.  Dad crept into my genetics there.  But I do find algebra as fun.  The more letters the better.  Combines my love of the written word with the love of math.

But you have to admit, add in enough letters to the equation and it’s like reading.  A foreign language maybe, but it makes sense to me.

So, how about them economics?

Did I mention I’m taking a business class this summer?  Hopefully the past few years of school not happening was a fluke and I can every other semester this.  Would be nice.

Oh, and the business degree does require an economics class (microeconomics) so I’ll be able to get a taste to help decide if I want the full serving.

So is this a logical consideration outside my head as much as it is on the inside?

Little Health

Back story: as we were filling out the ADHD survey for Thomas to pass on to his pediatrician, we were realizing more and more that while Thoams is possibly/probably ADHD,  Luke is text book.  TEXT BOOK.

Some of our biggest issues with him, we have realized, are the direct results of his constant need for stimulation.  Time out, 4 minutes?  He is incapable of sitting still for 4 seconds.  Which leads to increased length of time out, just trying to achieve that 4 minutes.  His hands?  Constant search for activity.  Stimulation.  And cause and effect.  The finger tapping, crayon twirling is one thing.  But the snapping of toys in half because he is bored and wanted to see what would happen, is another.  Then comes the chewing.  He has not outgrown the infant need to mouth things.  For the longest time I’m like OMG CHILD WHAT THE HELL!  Then is finally came to me: stimulation.  He’s seeking it with his mouth.  Explains the different textures and such of what he chews on. (Books, toys, pillows, furniture, me.)

So.  I decided to buy him a teething toy.  Not unlike what his sister has.  Granted, the one I’m eying will both allow finger AND mouth fidget, but still much the same.  I just think we will see massive progress if we give him an acceptable outlet for his need to stimulate his brain.  I get it now.  I really do.  So I’ll take a closer look at the one I have in mind to be sure it is 4-year-old tooth and strength durable, and then I’m buying it.  Plus?  The most expensive of the type is like 3$.  If this fixes this constant battle or even just improves it, I think it could be the best investment ever.

So the diagnosis progress for both boys is as follows:

Thomas is going to therapy where I go to mine, but is being diagnosed through his pediatrician.  It is the most efficient set up for his age bracket and having spoken to that office, his Ped is more than qualified to make this call and treat the medication aspect.  Then the therapy will balance out the behavior.  But honestly, I think the therapy has been a success and he’s as good as it’s going to get without some medical help.  He is a good kid with great skills that he can implement.  He just needs something to take the edge off to make the flow smoother.

Luke has his first therapy session scheduled for early April.  He is young but he is advanced for his age in communication skills and Thomas’ therapist has willingly agreed to take him on.  He will go through his diagnosis and medication process with their children’s psychiatrist.  The Ped just isn’t equipped to diagnose someone his age.  The primary method they use to diagnose compares survey notes between parents and teachers.  Which is more than efficient.  But just doesn’t work at Luke’s age.  The psychiatrist, however, has a deeper education on this, since mental health is, after all, her specialty in the medical field, and will be able to use alternative means to asses someone who isn’t in school.

So hopefully in 6 month’s time, in time for the next year to start, both boys will be far enough along in this that decisions will weighed and meds tried.

I am not quick to throw a pill at an ail, but I am quick to do what I have to do to give my boys the best advantage possible in life.