I Am Filled With Rage Tonight

I think my primary problem is that I’m in pain.  And have been for a while now.  A headache as usual but also my neck, shoulders, and back.  I don’t know what’s up.  I just know I’m in various degrees of pain at all times.

And I’m tired.  This has just been since I went back to work.  I’m enjoying work but I went from not doing much of anything, too well, working.  And while I’m getting enough sleep I don’t know how restful it is and I’m to the bone tired.

And the 2 compiled has me in a rough state.

And twice a week now Pat has game.  And I really don’t begrudge him that.  He needs it.  But it leaves me in a state where I can barely take care of myself, trying to care for 3 kids.  And he’s been doing this twice a week thing for like 3 months now and it’s been fine.  But I’m out of nowhere to a point where I can’t handle it.

And it isn’t an increased level of kid-related bullshit.  It’s an increased level of I can’t cope with me physically so the kids are pushing me over the edge.

I don’t want Pat to stop gaming.  I want to stop being in pain.  Because the pain is affecting me every day, it’s just leaving me in worse shape on the nights Pat games.

And then when I am on my own with the kids, I’m left unable to cope and it’s building as this rage.  And I’m trying so hard to keep it in.  It isn’t the kid’s fault.  It’s no one’s fault.  But right now even the baby is getting on my nerves.

I just want to not be in pain.

Physical pain is pushing me back towards bad mental health and it’s pissing me off because I would be so very awesome right now otherwise!

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