The next week+ will be rough. I have training all day for the next 7 business days. Which is standard and fine. I’m just going from 4 months of not working to a sudden 40 hour week. But it’s training so it won’t be like a standard 40 hour week would be. I’m not worried about it. I’m ready for it, I’m excited for it, and I need it. I really really need it. And for reasons more than just income. It’s just a sudden change to the past 4 months is all. But, after those 7 days, I go to my regular schedule which is pretty light, all things considered.
What I am worried about is Sammy. She’ll be in the best of loving, capable hands and I know that and even she knows it. Those hands have never shown her anything but affection. Pat adores her and shows her. And she has never had those hands falter at changing her and feeding her. She knows love, comfort and stability with her father.
But in the past 2 months (as of today) she and I have been almost inseparable. She goes everywhere I go unless she literally can’t. The past 2 months has been dedicated to securing our relationship so that when I did return to work, we had our mother, child bond in place. Which means, right now we are close. Very close. She knows me as the one attending to her most of the time and I am for now, her greatest source of comfort. (Well, me and my bed. She likes my bed.) I have no hesitation in passing that on to Pat. I rest assured that when I’m home, I have my baby. I enjoy being her source of comfort, but I look forward to seeing the daddy’s girl bond Pat has been desperately wanting his whole life. So I’m looking forward to me stepping back and watching Pat step forward in his role. Not that he’s been absentee the past 2 months. He usually does the morning bottle so I can eat. If I have an interview, he has the baby. There have been a couple of headaches I need to sleep off where I needed to not focus on the baby, he was wonderful. But I have been the primary with him as backup.
With me working, he becomes the primary. Or it becomes more 50/50. When momma is home, momma is on duty. But the point is, the time is coming for Sammy to see what her daddy is really capable of. At it’s amazing. Really amazing. And I can’t wait to watch their relationship grow.
That said, the few times I’ve left the house without her? Oh she let me hear about it. I’d come home and she’d go into, “Where were you, I thought you left me forever!” meltdown mode. Which is totally and completely normal. And kind of ego boosting in the, my baby really missed me, sort of way. But it’s going to make for a long few days. For all of us, really. And with time, just like the boys did, she will learn that momma always reappears. And then as she gets older, she’ll learn where momma goes in the first place. And it will all be fine.
Everything will be fine.
I’m just sad that I know that tomorrow I will break my baby’s heart and there is no warning her and nothing I can do about it.
Well, there is one thing I can do… I can come home to my baby and make sure she knows I missed her as much as she missed me.
And I will. Because I truly will.