Archive for August, 2011

My 5

Posted August 23, 2011 By kmarrs

A blog I follow challenged us to in the comments list 5 things we are thankful for.

Here is my exact comment, because as I was typing it there, I realized it belonged here too.

1. My red-headed 3yo (BAD combination btw) may be headstrong, but he is the BEST hugger in the house and gives them freely!

2. My 3yo may be terrified of monsters and in a stage where he refuses to sleep in his own bed, but his warm little soft body gravitates to mine in the night causing me to miss him on the nights when I can coax him into his own bed.

3. I have officially been pregnant a week longer than I wanted to be, but she is healthy, strong and won’t be a preemie.

4. I have been off all my psyche meds a week longer than I wanted to be, but I’m surviving and the first script is filled, packed in the hospital bag, and it’s already on my charts those pills are being popped, baby! And that light at the end of that tunnel is glorious.

5. My husband and I are at wits end living up each other’s butts for the past 2+ months because I had to stop working and have at least 6 more weeks before I go back, but we’ve had less than a handful of screaming matches and that’s actually pretty good for us. Plus they blow over fast and the anger never lingers. Also good for us.

and because I can

6. I’m being induced on the 29th if I don’t pop first, so my OMG THIS IS TAKING FOREVER has a clear end in sight.

7. With this being my third, I’m officially more scared of the first post-birth poop, than I am the actual labor and delivery (they don’t provide an epidural for that shit) and that thought amuses me and calms me.

8. My 8yo goes back to school on Wednesday and thank god because I wasn’t sure he’d make it. My 3yo, on the other hand, doesn’t. And well, thank god for #1 on this list…

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I Wish

Posted August 23, 2011 By kmarrs

I wish instead of returning to a job in 6-7 weeks, I was returning to school. I’d give about anything to be able to afford to stop working and focus full-time on a degree. Any degree. Pick one. I have about 3 I’m interested in. But our means of surviving my medical leave are gone at the end of October. Half of it won’t even make it that far. Which is fair. I can’t kick and scream over it. But I am sad. This whole not working thing, has been nice, because I’m frustrated with my current job and the other options out there. Changing jobs, is just another set of frustrations. No set of frustrations is better than the other unless one pays the bills and the other doesn’t. But not working, going to school full-time and getting a degree would allow so much more than what I currently have in front of me. It would also allow the economy to upswing creating hopefully better jobs, or the same old jobs with slightly higher pay. Or, it would allow a newly opened photo studio a chance of survival.

Yes, I do intend to go back to school asap part time. Probably one class at a time until my aid kicks back in and I have to take 2 to qualify. Though by then, Sammy will be older so it won’t be as huge of a thing for me to work, school, and mother so I should be able to handle 2 classes. I don’t know when I’ll take my next class. I know where the money is coming from, but it’s a matter of the money being there and my schedule being there, and my mental health being there. So it might be awhile. I don’t know.

I just wish. I just wish. I just wish.

And sadly, this isn’t even a “I fucked up” when I was 18/19 by dropping out of college. Looking back I was miserable because I didn’t know what I wanted to do and if I had followed down the path I thought I maybe wanted, I would have been even more miserable than I am now. So waiting, while making it hard, was the right thing. It just made things hard.

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Old Pics

Posted August 22, 2011 By kmarrs

Luke and I were looking at some old photos and we came across some photos of me at 15. He doesn’t believe they were me:

With this being all he’s ever known, I can’t blame him:

(That’s long hair for me, these days. But my natural color. Oh, and that’s also an old photo but not as old as the first one.)

Then we were looking at some pictures of my baby cousins, who are now teenagers *gulp* from back when they were actually, you know, little and told him that’s what little sisters look like. He studies the photos for awhile silently. Then looks up at me and as serious as a 3yo is capable of inform me. “Little sisters look silly.” I was like, “Dude, you have no idea!”

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I’ve been thinking about something. The initial articles I linked to here are rather good. NO dispute there. But there is one key thing that should be said, that I don’t recall them saying:

Just follow your heart and don’t over think it, with a mix of common sense. Now, maybe it’s the “common sense” part that leads to the need for lists on what to say and what not to say but…

For the most part, talk to us like we are anyone else. And don’t be stupid. Really, that’s it. DON’T. BE. STUPID. but otherwise, all other talking to random people rules apply. And really, the don’t be stupid rule, applies to random people too.

You don’t understand, autism, but you don’t tell them to get over it or that they shouldn’t be that way.

You don’t know what a woman in the throes of labor is going through, but I dare you to tell her what she should currently be feeling or experiencing. (If you do, tell her though, can I videotape it? Instant youtube hit!)

Same rules apply.

But then, maybe it’s just me this seems to be common sense too. I guess the stop walking on eggshells book wouldn’t be as popular as it is, if it were actual common sense. (There is a link to that book on the left somewhere should you want it. Too tired to spend the 30 second it would take to gather the link and relink it here when it’s already so close and right there.)

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The Times as They Stand

Posted August 20, 2011 By kmarrs

bpd and pregnancyThose who were following me on facebook and twitter last night, know that I started timing contraction at about 7:30 last night and kept on going for 6 hours until 1:30ish and finally gave up and said “Screw it, these aren’t going anywhere, I’m going to bed, and my body will wake me if I need to wake”. Well, here, for your eyes to behold, are the exact minutes of how my daughter tormented me.

































There was another 1 or 2 between 1:04 and 1:30ish but by that point I was too disgruntled to mark them down, and not long after I flat out stopped paying attention.

You’ll note that there were a few times where it started to look like, “Hey! This might be it!” just to, you know, not be it.

I would also like to point out that 90% of those lasted over a minute with a few of them being the bring you to your knees type.

At no point was I looking for regular with all of them exactly 5 minutes apart. That can lead to home deliveries in some cases. I was just looking for most of them to be 5 or less. If I could just get to that point, I was dilated enough that they would keep me and break my water in the morn if I wasn’t progressing fast enough.

As it stands, it is 3:15 the following afternoon and I am still having contractions, but they are not the timing kind. They are “OH HOLY HELL” intense, just too far apart to bother paying any other attention.


The sheet of paper is being framed and titled “Indecision 2011”.

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Really Long Pregnancy Update you WANT to Read

Posted August 19, 2011 By kmarrs

PregBellyOk. Today was the 37 week OBGYN appointment. I’ve never made it to the 37 weeks appointment, so I was kinda sad to be going. Anyway…


My blood pressure is a touch higher than usual. Which isn’t alarming, but I’m almost always the same, so the change was unusual. It was followed by a recheck 15 minutes later and was still reading the same. It was then followed by a million questions. She seemed satisfied with the answers so while we are keeping an eye on it and watching for other key symptoms, so far no real alarm.


I was asked by the nurse if I wanted my cervix checked. They automatically do it at 38 weeks, but offer it at 37. If momma has been having contractions and such, it’s worth the check. If not, it’s uncomfortable as hell, so they don’t make you. I answered the offer with an unhesitating “HELL YEAH!” (Fine, it was a polite “Yes please”)


I am currently at 2.5 centimeters and the baby is RIGHT THERE. I knew that about the baby, but hearing there is actual progress was very very nice. Granted, this doesn’t mean it will happen tonight (it could) it just means the torture my back has been putting me through wasn’t for nothing.


The “back spasms” have indeed been confirmed to be contractions. I was to the point where I was pretty sure of that anyway but it was nice to hear. At this point, they are still braxton hicks, but that can change at any point. She does agree with my lack of a frenzy in timing them. We both agree that I’ll know when to start monitoring and seeing as how every time I start, they immediately stop, I’m good to just follow my own logic. These may be very different than what I went through with the boys, but I have done this before, I’ll know.


We did discuss me being induced. I won’t know until Monday or Tuesday what time, but I will be induced on the 29. Which has me at EXACTLY 39 weeks. That said, NO ONE thinks I’ll actually make it to that point. It’s just being scheduled just in case. My, “the end is in sight” safety net.


In parting, I should point out that at 37 weeks and 4 days, I have officially been pregnant for this pregnancy longer than I was the other 2.  A record I was NOT really wanting to break.

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