Archive for 2010


Posted December 23, 2010 By kmarrs

Sometimes I wish I was a psychologist so I could help these people coming to me for help. I would have a network of fellow doctors in different states and cities who could help me find people help. Then I realize becoming a psychologist is a lot of school and my 1-2 classes every other semester approach would have me done right around the time I die. Roughly. So then I think therapist. Less school just as helpful, same potential network. I could teach DBT as well. And this would be an awesome plan. It’s kinda the opposite of my mathematician hiding away from people plan, but it’s still a good plan.

The latest is anonymous who has been to every psychiatrist in a 100 mile radius that takes her insurance and she still can’t find anyone who will take her on as a patient because she’s too unstable and they won’t treat BPD.

My heart bleeds for anonymous. I wish I had the power to do something.

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10 things you can do every morning to get your day started right.

1. Get plenty of sleep. Seriously.

2. Wake up to great music. Whatever music leaves you feeling happy, that’s the music you should wake up to.

3. Eat breakfast. I don’t know about you but I’m super cranky when hungry. Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So eat something.

4. Take a shower. Rejuvenate yourself with the water and pretty smelling soaps.

5. While you are at it, brush your teeth and floss. Feeling clean all over leads to a happy feeling inside.

6. Wear clothes you feel incredible in. It helps with over all self confidence and confidence makes for a great way to start the day.

7. Give yourself time for a quick work out. My physical therapy has me living this one. It gets the blood flowing. It gets the day started right. Again with the self confidence as well. And it doesn’t have to be much. 10 sit ups, 10 push ups, 10 squats. Done.

8. Remember to take your meds. This post is aimed towards the morning but this applies to night too.

9. Read the comics. Online, in the paper. It doesn’t matter where. It gets your day started with a giggle.

10. Open the blinds. Get the sunlight in. This time of year we don’t get much, so enjoy it while it lasts!

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Quick Note

Posted December 22, 2010 By kmarrs

I am to the bones tired. But if I go to bed this early I’ll be on my own and won’t be able to fall asleep with Pat.

See, normally Pat sleeps on the sofa. Honestly, it’s how he’s most comfortable. But lately, I’ve been in the mood, well craving, to fall asleep in his arms. He ends up falling asleep too and waking up at around 3 am in pain. And I feel bad for the pain, I really do, but after years of not wanting anything to do with him when I’m trying to sleep, I welcome the change. I figure the mood will be short lived and he can go back to sleeping in peace on the sofa.

But I’m lucky to get him down there at 11. No chance at 9:30.

Still doesn’t change the fact I’m to the bones tired.

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Burn Out

Posted December 21, 2010 By kmarrs

I’m trying so hard to get through this holiday season in one piece. I only have 3 more work days before Christmas. Which at this point sounds like an eternity but it’s better than nothing I guess.

I have all my holiday shopping done. All. Of. It. And we did great this year. I’m really happy with what was bought. So ok, it may have involved a trip to Walmart, which is where devil spawn are born, but well, it couldn’t be helped. We were at the point where we just wanted to go to one store that had it all and at a price, we could afford. Which is the company I work for in a nutshell, but we had already bought everything for there we were interested in and there were a few things they didn’t have. So Walmart. *sigh*

My hatred of Walmart goes way back. The business class I started didn’t help matters much.

But yes, everything is bought.

Even more surprisingly, everything is wrapped. I’m normally a December 24th late night wrapper myself, but this year I just wanted it done. I think I already confessed my mom did my wrapping. But I take that back. I bought more and wrapped it myself.

I’m still on fast lanes which is getting on my last nerve. I use to love fast lanes. I mean love love love fast lanes. But right now I’d give about anything to run a regular lane. I’m just burned out. It’s one part overload and one part holiday season. We are busy all day every day and there are a lot of people going through the fast lane. And the majority of them, don’t know what they are doing. And I’ll be the first to admit every now and then the machines do act up. But most of that shit is user error. And then you have to listen to them bitch that the machine doesn’t work, it never works, it never will work. And one of these days I’m going to get fired for explaining to a customer exactly why it doesn’t work. But for now I bite my tongue and agree with the customer that is always right. Regular lane is easier because the user, the cashier, does this for 20, 30, 40 hours a week and for the most part knows what they are doing. It’s just very taxing on the right arm and it just so happens my right arm is all sorts of jacked up.

It isn’t definite but it looks like I might have New Year’s Day off work. Which would be kind of cool. I can stay up late with my husband and not have to worry about getting to work the next morning. Normally I’m the anti-holiday. But as long as Pat doesn’t make a big production out of it, I should be fine. The alternative is going to bed at my bedtime and sleeping through midnight. I could see that working too.

Good God I’m tired.

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Job Hunt 2011

Posted December 20, 2010 By kmarrs

I got a response to one of the resumes I sent out. One of the banks emailed me to fill in a job application and take a survey. I’m taking this as a good sign.

This was a couple of days ago though. No word since.

I’m choosing not to worry about it. I’m going to ride out what’s left of the holiday season and then kick the search up a notch or two.

I guess we’ll see what happens.

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Fortune Cookie

Posted December 17, 2010 By kmarrs

My fortune today read:

Today, some new connections will be very exciting indeed.

First I was thinking of my new doctor.

Then I reflected on the text message I received from my mom.

“Had lunch with a new tech who has bpd and feels very unlovable, etc. Gave her your blog, but she needs to meet you.”

I’m really excited about this new possible friend. I guess she is very lonely. I’m always looking for new friends who understand what I’m going through so this could prove to be a very good friendship for the two of us.

Two new connections today. And I’m indeed excited about both.

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