This ‘N’ That

This weeks is a odd week at work. I only have one day off this week, but I’m only scheduled for 31 hours. There are 3, 3-4 hour days.

So today I went into work knowing I was scheduled for 12-3:15. Shortest shift ever. Made no sense. When I got there I saw the 2nd in command of the store, running a lane. We have to be really damn busy for that to happen. She wasn’t there long, but I saw it for myself. Once I got situated I found my boss and asked if there was any chance for me to pick up a few extra hours since I was only scheduled for 3 and we were so busy. She asked if I could stay til 5, I agreed. The next 4 hours flew by fast. Once 4:00 hit and I was officially watching the clock, it started to drag. At about 4:15 I hear over the speakers, “Karen Marrs, please call 614.” I was paged to call my other boss. So I did. She wanted to know if I could stay til 6:30. I didn’t really want to but I knew if I did it would still only be a 6 and a half hour day and I needed the hours, so I agreed. So much for a short shift. Though technically it was still shorter than my usual shift.

Halloween is coming up, as you know. Every year we buy the boys store bought costumes that they wear once and then are immediately outgrown. This year we simply don’t have the money for that. Luke is going as a farmer. He will be wearing overalls and a plaid shirt he already owns. We are adding in a plastic hoe he also already owns for digging in the dirt. I regret we didn’t get the chance to track down a straw hat, but what he has will make due. My bet is he wouldn’t wear the hat anyways. Thomas is going as a zombie. We thrifted for a pair of jeans and a shirt we could rip up. And spent about 10$ on some green spiking hair gel and a face paint kit. Done.

So just as the cold/allergies I had left me, I got a stomach bug. That or going a week without my acid reflux meds caught up with me. There was puking and pooping and I missed a day and a half of work. Not that I could afford to miss the work, but what could I do? I saw a doctor, he attributed it to some intestinal virus and gave me something to help with nausea. Nothing fancy. The same basic thing they give to pregnant women going through morning sickness.

Our fish are dying off one by one. There were 2 bully fish killing of the smaller fish and each other. We are down to 1 bully and 3 smaller fish and none of them look healthy. When they go we are going to get like 15 neon tetras or guppies and be done with it. I’m actually tempted to feed the remaining bully to the turtle and see if mommy and daddy molly bread again. But they look pretty worn thin. Besides I don’t think they currently have the best breading conditions, even though they did bread two full sets in the past.

Back to work I guess. I’m past my 90 day probation period and am now officially a paying union member. Which is cool, I guess. The thing that kills me about this job is that they expect you to work sick, no matter how sick you are. The last job I had, I was sent home if I so much as coughed. This job has forced me to stay even while puking. It’s a little unsettling seeing as how I’m touching people’s food. I guess I just need to toughen up and get over it, but it’s kinda hard when you don’t enjoy the job. If you don’t want to be there, you are looking for any excuse to get out. At the same time, I was sent home Thursday by one of my less stern bosses. She didn’t want me puking on lane. I’ll get written up for going home early though, and not going in the next day. If I call off too many times I will be fired. One of many reasons I’m real keen to get my flu shot this year. Now to just be healthy enough to get it.

I’m sleeping better at night. Giving myself a strict bedtime and Lunesta is a huge help. I’m still having really weird dreams at night but they don’t bother me much. Usually. I’m sure sleep could be more restful without them, but I’m surviving off what I’m getting.

I’m too tired to go much further, so I’m going to end this while I’m still ahead. Have a good week everyone. I’ll be around off and on if anyone needs me.

Living Life with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)

Alright, this is a short one. But it’s the topic currently on my mind.

Remembering to take meds.

I’m horrible at it, half the time. As in I don’t usually forget my evening dose, but the morning one is beyond me.

My remedy for this is I have alarms set on my phone. 3, actually. 8:30am is am meds, 8:30pm is pm meds and then I also have 10:45pm as bedtime (15-minute warning).

The catch is I usually use my 8:30am alarm as an alarm clock on the days I have to be up at 9, or I leave my phone upstairs on the nights I don’t have to be up the next morning. So I never actually take my am meds at 8:30am. It’s usually more like 9:10am or 10:30am. But somehow having that alarm there always reminds me, even if I’m not using it or don’t hear it. Go figure.

So what helps you to remember to take your meds?


Sorry about the downer of a post yesterday. We’ve been getting some bad news, money wise, lately and it’s really starting to feel and look bleak.

We still owe quite a bit on our electric. We are on a payment plan, so the end is in sight, but the next few months are going to be tight. And this is assuming we can even afford the payment plan.

We just found out our car insurance is doubling. I don’t want to talk about it other than that.

We had solid good plans for our tax return. We were going to pay back a couple of people and then use the rest to take care of a year’s worth of car insurance and gas for the apartment. We were going to make our monthly bills more doable so we had room to breathe. Car insurance going up has made this impossible. In fact, the month to month is now so tight we are literally choking on it. Worse yet, I can’t just find a second or better job because I’m literally making as much as I can make before Pat starts losing SSI. So this is as good as it gets. And this isn’t very good.

So yes, I’m feeling very down. And it seems my posts are reflecting that.

I’m really sorry for talking money, yet again, but it’s on the forefront of my mind. The center of my stress. And stress affects everything about my mental health.

Sad Truths

I have come to two sad truths in the past 24 hours.

The first came to me when I was watching nick @ night and a commercial for Disney came on. My children most likely will not get to see Disney as kids. Maybe as teenagers. We can probably swing it by the time they are adults. But not when they are young kids. Not in the next 5 years. And that is heartbreaking.

The second…

I will most likely not be able to retire at the age of 60 or 65. I most likely won’t be able to completely retire ever. I most likely will have to work until I physically can’t anymore. And then the quality of life will be about equal to what it is now, if not worse. Depends on what I bring in in SSI. If SSI is even around still by then.

The thing of it is, retirement is given to you by a savings account and investments. Even if I had money to save and invest, we couldn’t do it. Because if we did Pat would lose his disability. I would have to find a way to fully support my family on my own and still have money left to save and invest, in order to retire at a reasonable age.

I guess work will always need greeters. Welcome to Walmart (I don’t work at Walmart) get your shit and get out.

Some Cold

So that “cold” lasted over 2 weeks and never really left my sinuses. (Mine usually land in my chest at the first available opportunity and stay there for weeks,) I didn’t feel overly sick. I had a scratchy throat from drainage and my nose ran none stop, but that was it.

I got away with explaining to my customers I was blowing my nose because of allergies. And as time went on I began to believe it. I knew allergies were really bad this year. I knew people who didn’t have allergies had them this year. So it made sense it could be allergies. I also noticed that I was worse at work, which is out in the country part of town where shit is growing (I pass a cornfield among other things on my way to work, or did when corn was in season) and live in the, not so country part of town. So more evidence that it could be allergies.

Everyone assured me once we had the first freeze, I would magically be better. So I had that to look forward to. But in the back of my mind, I had a little voice telling me it could just as easily be a mild cold brought on by stress and weather change. Only time would tell.

So the other day I was magically mostly better. And I knew it had been cold the night before so I was kind of curious if it had froze. Sure enough, I asked Pat and it had. So welcome to seasonal allergies, I guess.

On the other hand, I still have to blow my nose on occasion so I’m not 100% so it really could have been a cold.

I’m so confused.

Anyone with allergies know if I should be 100%, or just 95% better after the first freeze?