This ‘N’ That

Thomas has been begging for bunk beds since before he had a little brother. We’ve always told him when his little brother was big enough to sleep in a real bed, we would get one. Apparently we aren’t waiting. Pat and I have promised Thomas that somehow he would have one by Christmas. The thrift store by us has furniture. There is always craig’s list. I’ve seen some online for 300$. Whatever. Somehow we are going to make this happen. It’s the only thing he’s been consistent about since he first learned to talk practically. BUNK BEDS. So bunk beds.

Thomas had his 7th birthday party this past Saturday. It was small, simple, pleasant. A lot of the people we invited couldn’t make it. Some were out of town. One couple had just had a baby and I knew they wouldn’t be up for it. One star guest and her kidletts came down with strep throat. But we had just enough people. I even figured out a way of having kids there without inviting his former class. One of our good friends has 4 boys, add in our 2 boys and it was the perfect amount of kids. I would have been thrilled if the 3 little girls (with strep throat) could have made it. But 6 kids total was a winning number. 9 may have been better, but 6 was enough. Mom made a cake; red velvet was what Thomas requested. We went with an army theme for plates, napkin, and invites. We meant to get balloons but forgot. Shhh, don’t remind Thomas. All in all it was a good day.

I have my standard day dream I fantasize about when I’m laying in bed, and can’t sleep. Last night it turned into an all night dream. I mean all freakin‘ night. I kept waking up and going this is weird and then falling right back asleep and it would continue on. And let me tell you, it turned weird. Really, really weird. Not at all how it’s preplanned in my head. And it didn’t make for the most restful night’s sleep. I woke up this morning after 10 hours feeling like I’d gotten maybe 3. I swear it’s the sleep meds doing it to me. The dreams are always so vivid, so real and so weird. I almost kinda like them when I can feel restful despite them. But I think I’m going to have to switch sleep meds. That and the meds just aren’t quite working how I’d prefer.

I work the weirdest hours this next week. Odd days, odd hours, odd odd odd. I’m going to have a hell of a time keeping track of my schedule and when I’m suppose to be where. I’m so scared I’m going to miss something. Or be late for something. I’m obsessive compulsively early to everything. So the idea of being late or flat out forgetting is terrifying. I need to make myself a little note I can keep at my desk or something of my work hours. I mean they are in my appointment book but I’m afraid that won’t end up being good enough. I’ll just have to check each day the night before. Tomorrow (Monday, so today to you) is 5-6:30 and then 7:15-10:15. I told you, weirdest hours ever.

I have my meds appointment on Wednesday. So the “Living with BPD” post I’ve been sorta planning is going to have to wait another week. I usually post the results of therapy or meds appointments as that week’s post. It’s good I’m pushing it back. I keep meaning to do research for it but I never seem to find the drive. I have the time even. I have plenty of time where I just stare at facebook wondering what to do next. But research bites if you aren’t in the mood. I just need to convince myself it won’t take much research and just get it done.

I like the new job ok. I’ve had a couple of customers I’ve wanted to strangle. But you’ll get that with any job. My main concern is that I’m not fast enough. My main problem there is that I’m OCD about how I bag stuff and it slows me down. The thing is, I have to be at a certain speed by a certain point with week by week goals to help get me there. And I have not met my first week by week goal. So I dunno. Either I let go of the OCD or I don’t meet me goal. At the same time, I get a lot of compliments about how I bag stuff. So maybe I can find other ways to speed it up. I’m hoping for that happy medium. I’d really hate to get fired over something so stupid. I mean of all my mental health issues, OCD getting me fired? LMAO No, really… I’m laughing my ass off.

They don’t know about the BPD. The camera store does but not the new job. Camera store is safe. I’ll come out of the BPD closet if I have to. But you best believe I’ll be protected by the union before I do.

I’m going to end this. It’s late. And I have facebook to stare at while I avoid doing research for my post.

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