Here’s the deal. Pat and I are talking about trying to conceive in the next year. After I’ve acquired and settled down into a new or second job. Once money is in a better state. We want another baby. Pat and I don’t always see eye to eye but we’ve agreed from day one that we want three kids. End of discussion.
Am I always the best mom? No. But I don’t think very many mom’s out there are the best mom in the world. I’m the best mom I can be and I think I’m good enough. I may rant and rave at times that I wish I was better. Yes. But that’s just because I see how I could improve. I at least recognize my flaws.
I’m good with babies. I adore babies. I live for babies. They don’t stay babies. I get that. I mean, seriously. Duh. They don’t stay babies. And there are a few years in there immediately following the baby years where I’m a mess. I don’t really know what to do with a two year old, but I am learning. As my babies grow more independent I get better with them. Thomas drives me up the wall, but I know what to do with him. He drives me about as far up the wall as any 6 year old, almost 7, drives any sane parent up the wall.
Most parents dread the teenage years. I look forward to them. I think I’ll rock as a mom during the teenage years. Some moms rock during the ages of 2-5 and then fall apart during the ages 15-19. I fall apart 2-5 but will rock 15-19. So yeah, maybe I’m ass backwards but I’m handling parent hood.
Look, I don’t have to justify. I don’t owe an explanation. I’m fumbling to give one, but I don’t owe one.
Here is the bottom line. When Luke was about a week old, I looked down into his sweet little face and knew I wasn’t done. My family is not complete. We are good but not done. One more. Pat and I both desperately want one more. I have more love to give.
Money. Yes the money. Like I said I’ll have the money situation in a better place first. Clearly fifteen hours isn’t enough. I get that. I’m actively looking for a second or new job. I’ve been putting in applications. I have a solid lead on a job I want that would be hours I can handle. I’m just waiting on a call. I just filled out the application right before this holiday weekend so I’m not surprised I haven’t heard anything.
Anyway, I’m kinda hurt that I told my mom the plan and she freaked out. But then she freaked out over the first two as well, so I guess I’m kinda use to it by now. She always loves them by the time they are born, so I’ll assume the same with the third. At least this time I filled her in on the plan. The first two were total surprises to her.
But then, you know what? It’s not really anyone’s business.
However, I guess I would like to know that one person in this world supports me.