Archive for April, 2010

You Know You Want To

Posted April 29, 2010 By kmarrs

You know that question you’ve been dying to ask me? You know the one. Why not go ahead and ask me? Here is the place to do it. A forum just for asking questions. Any type of question. I’ll answer anything as truthfully as I can! Anything? Yes, anything! I like answering questions. Just ask my hubby! So you should ask me something. Want to see my answers to other questions? Here is where you go to do that too. So go ahead, ask away. Ask more than one even. Want me to ask you a question? Sign up and link your account in the comments section of this post. I already know what I’m going to ask you.

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Posted April 29, 2010 By kmarrs

I’m having trouble falling asleep at night. I’ve been taking the Ambien but I can’t seem to get my mind to shut down long enough for me to fall asleep.

I talked to my meds doctor about it yesterday. She said sometimes stuff like that stops working. She suggested I stop taking it for a week and then start up again to see if that helps. If it doesn’t, plan B is a new med. I don’t remember the name of the one we settled on, a few were discussed.

So last night was my first night without Ambien. I sorta fell asleep ok but I had trouble staying asleep. It didn’t help that I had the most vivid nightmares all night. Weird ass stuff that hours after being awake, I still remember. I won’t go into details but one of them involved a house on fire that I could still feel the heat from after it half woke me. I remember lying in bed after it woke me, staring into space feeling the heat. And no the heat in the house wasn’t on so it was the dream I was feeling. I know I wasn’t fully awake. That was just one of the nightmares that woke me last night. It made for a long night.

Pat is currently on this kick for the past couple days where I can’t sleep in. It’s not that a blame him, I just don’t particularly enjoy it. I’m not a morning person. Not by any stretch of the imagination. So I’m usually better off sleeping through the morning. Between not being able to fall asleep at night and my dreams last night, I’m spending my mornings in a half asleep stupor.

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Meds and Weight

Posted April 28, 2010 By kmarrs

I was asked which of my meds make it the hardest for me to lose weight. I started to answer that question in my comments. Then I realized it was a very relevant question that I didn’t want everyone to miss. So I’m turning it into a blog post.

None of my meds in general seem to have weight gain as a side effect. Granted everyone responds to meds differently but I’ve been very careful about what I’ve gone on. I can’t afford to gain weight. I’m already larger than what is healthy.

While my meds may not always cause weight gain, so to speak, they don’t make losing easy. Geodon, and anti-psychotics in general are the most guilty of this. They are the first to make you pack on the pounds. My last anti-psychotic, before the Geodon, made me crave carbs. Geodon, luckily, doesn’t seem to make me gain weight though.

I’m stabilized at abound 244. Some times I’m a few pounds more, sometimes I’m a little less. But always right around there.

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Some Have Questions, Other Have Answers

Posted April 27, 2010 By kmarrs

A common concern for your average parent is: “Am I fucking up my kids?” Some think it with a little more tact, though tact is not my personal strong suit. However all parents think it from time to time.

With me and Pat it’s a little different. I’m a mental and emotional one (wo)man wrecking ball. Pat isn’t always much better. So for us the question is slightly different. It’s “How am I fucking up my kids?” We’ve come to accept they are going to have problems. Some hereditary, some not. So now it’s just a matter of keeping an eye on them and getting them the proper help when the time comes.

Am I seeing early signs? Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Thomas was actually in therapy for a very short while a couple of years back. We were seeing something going on in that head of his, we just weren’t sure what. Therapy didn’t quite pan out. She was very good with him but he was too immature to cooperate fully. He was only 5 or so at the time. But it was a start. I did manage to prove to myself that when the time really comes for him to need therapy, indeed it will come, I’m ok getting him help. I know what to do. I know who to call. I’m also ok with standing back and letting someone step in a talk to him.

In the mean time love and affection is the best cure for a 6 and 2 year old.

But here is another question that I wonder about all the time. One I don’t have an answer to. Knowing I’m as fucked up as I am, did I have any business having kids? To be fair I had my breakdown and got my diagnosis after I had Thomas. But what about Luke?

Is loving them as much as I love them enough to make up for all this?

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Rats, Again

Posted April 27, 2010 By kmarrs

I’m sorry. I couldn’t resist.

Months upon months ago my cousin David mentioned that rats like empty tissue boxes. But this was a fact I could never seem to remember when I indeed had an empty box. Until last night. I had emptied it during the day and remembered it on my way to bed last night. So I grabbed it, removed the plastic, and placed into the back corner of their cage. Then I went to bed.

This morning I took a peek and they were scattered all throughout the cage. The box looked chewed on a little but but that was about it. And I went about my business. Tonight as I was getting Luke set up down there to watch a movie with Thomas I took another peek and this is what I saw.

I’m not sure, but I think they like it. It’s their “cave”.

See David, I listen to your advice. And I hope to get dog biscuits with my paycheck on Friday or over the weekend.

BTW, sorry the pic is so out of focus. It’s bugging me to no end. It was too dark for me to properly see to focus. Not that you can tell it’s too dark thanks to my flash. But it was too dark. And the box is wedged into the far back darkest corner. Which they love. But it makes seeing to focus rather hard.

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Ask Me Anything

Posted April 27, 2010 By kmarrs

Go ahead. It’s anonymous.

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