These past few days my depression has taken a swan dive off the deep end. I’ve just been really down.
Am I suicidal is the first thing my docs will ask me. The answer? Yes. Do I have a plan, I’ll be asked? The answer? Yes. Do I intend to follow through? No.
My kids need me and that’s the one thing pulling me through this. But there is a catch 22 there. I now resent my kids because with out them I could be done with life. That resentment makes my depression worse. It’s a never ending cycle. Add in money troubles, marriage troubles, chemical imbalances and everything else under the sun and I’m in over my head here. I just want out.
I’m hanging in there. I’m taking my meds. I’m going to therapy. I’m doing what I’m suppose to do to try and pull myself out. It’s just really hard right now. I’ve been trying to sleep it off. Two out of the last 3 nights I’ve gone to bed at the same time as Luke. I can barely stand to be awake anymore.