I’m feeling very blah today. Just unmotivated and bored.

It doesn’t help that this is day one of my “stay-cation”. I have no real plans. No money to make plans. Maybe this little vacation was a bad idea. It’s extra time with the kids I guess. Thomas is in school and by the time he gets home I would been out of work anyways.

Luke, who I do get extra time with is being a crank ass. I tried to read to him earlier but he is impossible to read to. He never lets you finish a book. It’s a struggle to even turn the pages. I don’t know why but I struggle playing with my kids. I guess the problem is I don’t really seem to know how to play. As a kid I mostly read. So I try to read to Luke, but as already stated, that’s about impossible. I’m good with LEGO’S but Luke is too little to play with them yet. He has mega blocks but not enough to hold my attention. They are also huge and cumbersome so I don’t really know what to build with them.

Anyways, I feel very out of place. I always feel out of place. I’ve felt out of place for as long as I can remember. Like I don’t belong. Like I’m an outsider who got dragged into the scene I was previously just looking in upon. I wonder if this is normal for BPD.