We are in the process of diagnosing me for ADHD starting today. By process I mean I passed, well failed, but passed, no failed the test as to whether I have it. Meaning the test implies I do. But we can’t know for sure because there is so much overlap in symptoms between ADHD and BPD. So we are trying out the meds and hoping for the best.

One of the big questions that would allow us to know for sure is, did I have it as a child? I don’t accurately remember my childhood. Not well enough anyways. All I can do is struggle to remember and hope my mom has some answers. Mom? I know I was never diagnosed with it as a child, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t missed. In my heart I have the feeling that my depression, which manifested even as a young child, over shadowed anything else that could be wrong with me. Teachers, and well my parents, were too busy trying to get me to play with other kids and to get my nose out of a book, to notice if anything else was wrong. Now the fact I lived with my nose in a book might imply that no I didn’t have ADHD as a child. But it does imply that there was something wrong. The chances of something major going on in my brain causing me to live in my books are great. I’m not saying something has to be wrong with you to be a book worm. So stop looking at me like that David. I’m just saying I was a few too many steps past book worm. I was also painfully depressed. So who knows what was all wrong with me. Mom? Any reflections and hindsight?

So I thought I wouldn’t be prescribed meds. It turns out despite the overlap in brain chemistry treatment, nothing else can treat ADHD as well as the ADHD meds. We are taking me off the antipsychotic because it’s the redundant part. I will be getting double the norepinepherine boost so dear god will I be awake.

I might also reclaim some of my manic long ago lost. I’m kinda hoping I do. It might kick start my motivation drive. Lord know it needs a shove in the right direction. I’m also more focused when I’m manic. Mind you my manics aren’t bad. I’m mostly just get kinda hyper. One of my known manic side effects is to clean for example. And then nothing is safe. I become a cleaning machine. My machines at work would benefit greatly. Hell, my entire lab as a whole would benefit.

Oh and one side effect of the Aderall is weight loss. I’m really hoping that’s the case because I could stand to lose about 75 pounds. I don’t think my weight loss will be that sigfnificant but I’ll take what I can get.