So a couple changes. I noted last month that my Trileptal at night got bumped to 600, but I never published an official med’s update for the month. I’m now taking my Cymbalta at night because I can never remember to take the morning meds. If Pat can help me remember them, I’ll go back to taking it in the morning. That’s when the norepinephrine boost does me the most good, since it boosts my energy. I also noted last month that I’ve added the sleep aid Ambien to the regime. I originally planned to just take it as needed. It seems that thanks to Cymbalta at night, the Ambien is needed nightly. Whatever, as long as I can sleep for a good solid 8 hours, right? Finally my Geodon, the anti-psychotic that I’m on got bumped from 160 to 200. It’s a high dose for what the books will tell you but an average dose compared to reality.
We are desperate to tweak things to get me back interested in life. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again; I’m not suicidal. But this is almost worse. I don’t really care either way if I live or die. I don’t care about my life. I don’t care about my work, my interests, my friends, my family. I’m just this unmotivated and uninterested lump that goes through the motions of life. I do, however, care that I don’t care.
So what am I doing about it?
Well moving my anti-depressant to a time slot where I’ll actually remember to take it was a huge step. This way it’s, you know, in my system. Bumping my Geodon up is another small step. The final huge step will be remembering to take my Trileptal in the morning. I can’t seem to remember it on my own so I’ve asked, no begged, my husband to help me remember. I’ve even offered to do wonderful things for him if he’d only remind me. But the reality is Trileptal has a half life of 12-18 hours. So if I’m taking it at say 8PM it’s wareing off by 8am to 2pm. Judging by my moods I’m guessing it’s closer to the 8am for me.
And that’s my monthly meds update.