A Lesson On Quality Of Life And BPD

So work this past week was beyond belief. Sunday being the worst. First we were having issues with prints overlapping. That’s where they come out stuck together and you have to pull them apart and let them dry. It requires much counter space. Greeting cards were the worst and I refused to print them. Luckily my boss agreed with that logic. Anyways it turns out my first two crossovers weren’t turning and so the prints were being pushed through by the prints behind them and that’s why the were over lapping. Once tech support fixed the shaft supports the crossovers were turning and prints made their way through the racks and out the drier just like they were suppose to. I was a happy Karen by about 1pm. Until about 3pm when I ran out of 8 inch matte paper. Remember those greeting cards I mentioned before? Yeah, well they require that particular paper. We didn’t get more in until Tuesday at around 3. We had a few dozen orders show up in the meantime. When we finally got 8 inch matte paper in on Tuesday my printer printed nothing but greeting cards from 4 to 8pm with no breaks. Just one greeting card after another. It was insane. The lab pulled in 2500$ that day. Our average holiday work day brings in 1000-1500$ in comparison. It was a long 3 days. This coming Sunday had better not compare. What pissed me off is that I went in at 9am on Sunday even though the lab didn’t open until 11 so that I could work ahead and hopefully have a smooth day. But because of the overlap problem I still spent most of the day behind. I hate that. But, I handled it!

So Pat is of the opinion, and I’m starting to agree, that I’ve gotten as much help as I’m going to get from my meds and from here it’s about improving my quality of life. Quality of life is the term used to evaluate and describe the general well-being of individuals and societies. In my case, as an example, it’s not about how much money I make, but how happy I am on what it gets spent on. In other words, since 95% of my money goes to rent and bills and there is very little left over, I’m miserable. Quality of life also deals with environment, or where I live, recreation or leisure time, physical and mental health, education, and social belonging.

In short, if my quality of life sucks, no amount of meds are going to make me happy. At the same time with my mental health if I’m not on meds, no amount of quality of life is going to make me happy. That isn’t always the case. For some people their depression is based on their quality of life alone. You improve their quality of life, and the depression goes away. In other cases, like mine, where their are issues dealing with brain chemicals, quality of life alone can’t combat the symptoms and meds have to be used.

I talked to my therapist about Pat wanting a divorce. We discussed it for most of my session. The hard part was with coming up with examples on how I can be manipulative. I’m suppose to have Pat tell me when I’m being manipulative and then write it down so I can bring it in to show her. The catch is that Pat and I seem to have different opinions on what being manipulative is. I’m probably the one who is wrong because lord knows Pat has done a lot of research on manipulation the past 2 weeks. Almost too much research. I feel like I can’t say or request anything for fear of accidentally trying to manipulate him. This next week I admit the divorce request in my group therapy. Joy.

Speaking of the divorce request, I know I touched on this in my last post but I want to elaborate here. Pat said himself that the tax return was suppose to go towards a second honeymoon or a divorce but now it’s going towards a new car. So he said himself he can’t divorce me with the tax return. Which is a relief. I’m still going to work 100% towards what I need to do to keep my husband. But it’s nice to not have that 1-3 month deadline hanging over me. Now it’s more like a 13-15 month deadline and I can accomplish anything in that amount of time. So like I said, this doesn’t mean I stop trying, this just means I have more time to succeed.

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