But just to be clear, I’d like to repeat…
I COULD NOT DO WHAT MY HUSBAND DOES.
I love my children. I even enjoy them. In small doses.
There are some books I can read over and over to Luke or Thomas; Mr Brown Can Moo Can You?, Snuggle Puppy, and The Nose Book being some of them. Not on this list are Fun Farm, I’ll Teach My Dog A lot of Words, and Who Lives Here? I’ll give you one guess which group is Luke’s favorite.
Yes, small doses.
My kid, he knows a lot of words: Kitty, turtle, I do it, no, and kitty are just some of them. Have I mentioned Kitty?!?!?
I’ll watch in amazement as he points to every kitty in every book and exclaims “Kitty!” I, however, can only correct him that that cow is a cow so many times before it starts to feel pointless. Throwing in that the cow, not a kitty, says moo, for my mother’s sake, is a cause I can’t seem to win.
My BPD self needs to learn patience with the 1 year old. He’s little and learning at his pace in his way.
I have learned that the main hardship in the not talking to strangers lesson, we gave our oldest this week, is that the boy knows no stranger. He is instantly friends with everyone he meets whether they be young, old, or in between. Which will be great as he gets older. How to get along with everyone is a life skill few have to cherish.
It is not, however, OK that my 6 year old has no concept that some people are bad and therefor dangerous. Not every child he lets ride his scooter, is going to be eager to give it back. There are also some adults out there that just might want to do scary things to and/or with my blond haired, green eyed, beautiful little boy.
I can’t keep him locked in the house forever, however, and this week we let him spread his wings and explore, just a little, outside the nest. He knows where to go and where not to. All I can do is hope he listens to and follows our strict rules, and check on him every time my heart flutters in my chest with worry.
But sometimes you just have to let your kids grow and learn and play outside in front of the house alone. Or with every kid in the neighborhood as he seems to have drawn to him.
My BPD, paranoid mind is just going to have to learn to trust that the world really is good full of good people.
Glow sticks are the source of great fun. When they die, they become the source of great sadness. I can’t fix this for my son, no matter how desperately I want to. All I can do is buy him more from the dollar store next time I have a spare dollar or two.
Every toy has it’s place and a clean room is a happy room. However, sometimes up and off the floor is good enough. My OCD will not allow me to admit that again. I’ve met the quota. Thomas’s way of cleaning the living room gets us through the day, or even the week. I’ll let my OCD have it’s way once every weekend when the kids are with my mom. Compromise is essential.
When all else fails, throw the baby in the high chair and pull him to the opened bathroom door. I lost my right to privacy while in there years ago. This way he’s safe and I have time to do my stuff. Luckily BPD destroyed my modesty years ago anyways.
If your 6 year old won’t tell you what he’s watching chances are it’s something he isn’t suppose to be watching. I learned, however, this isn’t always true. Sometimes it’s just Home Alone 3 and he’s just never seen it before or known of it’s existence. The kid in the movie is having too much fun for it to possibly be OK to watch. Better not tell mom.
I learned that if your baby enjoys having his hair brushed and played with, he’ll probably also enjoy a hair cut. I also learned no matter how much you hated seeing the baby hair go, chances are good, said baby will probably look cuter as a little big boy. Time to suck it up and let the kid grow up some.
I’ve learned a 1 year old knows no difference between throwing a ball and throwing a little tikes
My husband is the baby whisperer. He can figure out, calm, and understand our Luke like it’s nothing. I, well I’m good at making Luke mad, asking “What did he say?”, and admitting when I need help.
I learned I’m glad I didn’t wait till I was in my 30’s to have kids. My meds have me so drained of energy now, I can’t imagine what I’ll be like in 10 years.
I learned my 1 year old spends an average of 1 hours every day dancing on the coffee table in nothing but a diaper. In little spurts of dance between climbing up, and being told to get down.
I learned Luke doesn’t eat half as much as I think he does so I don’t know why he’s so chunky.
I learned why my computer is off every day when I get home.
In related news…
I learned my 1 year old spends an average of half an hour “bugging” my desk every day while I’m at work. Opening various draws and doors. FYI my computer has a door on the front of it that hides the buttons. Yep, he knows about it and is good at opening it.
I learned to enjoy each earned kiss and hug because they are usually too busy playing to give them.
I learned I really can’t do this for a living.
I learned I only have to be alone with them for 30 minutes before I stress out, if not sooner.
I learned I’m really not the best mom in the world but I also learned why I’m such a great daddy.
I think I’ve learned to better appreciate my husband and all he does.
But mostly I learned how to enjoy what time I have with them.
I’m sure I’ve learned more, but that’s good enough for now.