Archive for June, 2009

I Spent Money Today

Posted June 24, 2009 By kmarrs

And it felt awesome.

I got the rest of my student aid in check form. A whole 220$ showed up at my mom’s door. I was able to cash 100$ of it. I already had the books I needed so I got things on the to buy list that have been sitting there for awhile.

I bought needed school supplies like note books, pens and pencils.
I bought 12 legal pads because those are what I use to write my book.
Then all kinds of shampoo and face cleanser and different hygiene items.

There are 2 points to this post.

No, wait make that three.

1. Pat you are right, they did let me withdraw 100$ of it. I’m sorry. And I’m also sorry I insulted your black bean soup. Food is just not my friend these days.

2. I’m going to be clean again so you guys can all hang around me again.

3. BPD criteria number 4

4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.

Hmm, I wonder if my high I get off of spending money, any money, on anything and everything is connected?

Pat jokes I’m buy-sexual. You buy me something and I become… well, we’ll just leave it at that.

Wow look at that. A mini BPD lesson hidden in an otherwise pointless, side for the other 2 points, post.

I’m magic.

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This Just In…

Posted June 24, 2009 By kmarrs

It pleases me to see my kids surrounded by their toys.

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The Boys Are Off

Posted June 24, 2009 By kmarrs

I decided to give my movie ticket to Jesse so he and my boys are off to the movies. I’m kinda sad that I don’t get to see transformers tonight but I’ll get over it. Pat is saying that he’ll give me the money to take Thomas back to it soon so I’ll still get to see it. In the end though, I value my sleep too much to be up till 3AM for a silly movie that we’ll end up owning and that I’ll be talked into watching time and time again.

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Long Day

Posted June 24, 2009 By kmarrs

I worked Brenda’s lab today, filling in for Kate who is on vacation. And I gotta tell you, it kicked my ass. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I was use to being busy. But I’m not. I’m also use to having a sales floor that helps me when needed. I can be like “Hey, can you sort for like 15 minutes while I crank this shit out” and when they are available, the sales floor at my store is happy to help. Brenda’s lab is shut off and away from the store. So there is little to no help. The store manager Jeff did price some stuff out for me at one point when he wandered back and I handed him a stack going here, do this. I noticed he didn’t wander back much after that.

Today really showed me how out of practice I am. Today flew by and I was anything but bored. I notice the same thing when we are busy at my lab. My sense of self is better established when I have stuff to do at work.

On the flip side I’m currently not handling stress well and today pushed me past my limit. I even called Brenda to switch days with her so I could have tomorrow off and work Thursday instead. I know my limits and I can’t handle two days in Westerville alone. When I get too overwhelmed with stress I’m pushed into a fight or flight state of mind and there were a couple times when I wanted to say “I can’t do this” and quit. But I didn’t. I knew there was no reason I couldn’t do it. And I knew I’d disappoint Brenda, and that right there would break me.

I think one thing that helped is that I pushed back a deadline that was getting me freaked out. I had two large film orders due at 4 and even though I tried to start them in advance stuff just kept getting in the way. So I called one of the customers and explained I couldn’t make the deadline, I simply needed more time. I explained it to the answering machine and I don’t know that the customer even got the message before 4, but I felt some relief that I needed to mind my time but that I had some breathing room. And in the end, everything got done, mostly on time even.

Looking back I wonder how I use to handle Westerville. I think there are two factors. Before moving to my own lab, I didn’t know anything other than busy. There were few lazy days and I never had a chance to get use to being slow. My lab has made me mush. The other thing, and this is huge, the budget always allowed for two people, if not three, people in the lab at a time so on the busy days, you were never alone. We just can’t do that anymore. And a lab like Brenda’s, the busiest in the company, really will kick you ass when you are there alone on a busy day.

In the end I walked away with my head held, well low because I was damn tired. But figuratively speaking my head was held high because I knew I’d done the best job that I could do. And in the end, that’s what matters.

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Oh Yeah

Posted June 23, 2009 By kmarrs

1 more symptom.

I’m having vivid and weird pregnancy dreams. Not dreams that I’m pregnant. But dreams like I have when I am pregnant.

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Posted June 22, 2009 By kmarrs

I’ve made 500 posts. And the 500th one was about transformers, of all things lol

Anyway, if you’ve been reading for awhile, thank you kindly!

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