The Panic Attack

We have out of town company in town. They got here Friday afternoon and are leaving Monday morning.

Mom decided since it is so close to Thomas’s birthday that she’d throw a bit of a family party Friday night. I got to mom’s house around 1PM, with the boys, to help her out.

She had to leave to take Rachel, my sister to the quick minute clinic at Krogers because my sister had pink eye.

Well, it turned out to be an ulcer in her eye and this involved the afternoon at the eye doctor.

The boys and I were left alone at mom’s house.

I decided to put Luke down for a nap. He screamed and screamed and screamed. Just when I thought he’d finally fallen asleep, he’d scream some more.

I finally rescued him from bed but I didn’t know what to do with him. I don’t know how to entertain my kids at my moms. So I put him on my mom’s bed and watched Tv. I gave him a few things he could play with including the remote without the batteries but he still did a bunch of cranky, in need of a nap screaming.

So I panicked

And had a panic attack.

By the time mom got home I pretty much handed her my youngest and she took over for the rest of the night.

This is why I’m not allowed alone with my children. I’m not currently mentally competent enough to handle situations where I’m alone with them and don’t know what to do.

The Meltdown

I’d been wanting to take my money to meijers since I got the check Wednesday. But since I could only get half of it out we went to krogers to take care of school supplies and shit.

I was able to withdraw the other 120 on Thursday and the plan was for me to go to meijers at some point that day.

I was originally going to go after work before I went home, but I had bought some flowers and I knew they couldn’t sit in the car while I shopped. So I went straight home (with the slight sidetrack of the accident). Once home it was decided I’d use part of my money to take me and Pat to see Transformers 2.

I really wanted to go to Meijers first. Of the two it was the most important to me. But I rationalized that Meijers was open 24/7 so I could go after the movie which didn’t run 24/7.

So we went to the movie.

And it was good, but way more explosions than I’m personally able to handle. And lots of fire.

So between the accident earlier and the explosions of the movie, I was on edge headed towards over load.

S o after the movie I drop Pat back home and go to Meijers, finally. I get there to find out it closes now at 12PM. It was 12:09.

I drive home and melt down.

I don’t remember much of what I said or what I did but I do know I was not very pleasant or rational.

I ended up staying up all night which gave me a chance think things through and get myself in a better place.

Once Luke woke Friday morning I brought him down to Pat, got dressed and went to Meijers.

And it wasn’t that I had to get anything that urgent. I was just really looking forward to going. I got some important stuff like laundry soap. But most importantly to me I got myself some stationary for the letters I’m writing to Tracy. I’m very excited about that part.

But yes, I finally got to go to Meijers. And I’m now broke, but I stuck to my to buy list and ended up with 30$ left which cleared my debt with Jesse.

So I won and did good with my money.

The Accident

I had about 10$ worth of flowers in my front seat that I was trying to prevent from getting crushed. I was at a complete stop. I thought I saw the car in front of me move forward. So I did too.


We pullover to the parking lot we were in front of and get out to assess the damage. He was a kid about my age maybe younger. He phones the police. I had 120$ in my pocket I knew needed to go towards stuff, and that if I got a ticket, was no longer mine to spend. So I go sit by my car and burst into tears.

The police offer gets there and asks the guy if he’s ok. He says yes.

He comes over to where I’m sobbing and asks if I’m ok, I stammer out yes. He asks what’s wrong and I have to calm myself down before I can answer “I can’t afford this ticket”.

He informed me not to get ahead of myself. He inspects both cars and asked what happened.

I told him I took my foot off the break because I thought he moved up, then I hit him.

He asks how fast I was going I tell him no more than about 2-5 mph.

At which point the guy I hit spazzes out saying no way look at the damage he felt the hit, yadda yadda yadda.

The police officer starts getting annoyed and informs him since I hadn’t hit the gas that I couldn’t have been going more than 5 mph and that yes you’re going to feel the hit, and the damage is minimal and consistent with 5mph.

We exchange info, the police officer files a report and then informs me there will be no ticket because we moved the cars so there is no scene for him to investigate.

I wanted to hug the officer I was so happy. The other dude seemed pissed. I kept my mouth shut other than to apologize and thanks when needed.

My car is fine, other than a wavy license plate.

Oh and it turns out the kid was driving daddy’s explorer so of course he was being a jerk, it wasn’t his.