I hate that question more than anything.
Sometimes I don’t know how I’m feeling.
Others I’m too overwhelmed with feeling tired to feel anything else.
Then sometimes I really don’t feel like blurting out, “Well today I’m mostly just suicidal with a dash of anxious, cranky and irritable.” Who wants to hear that?
Ok, yes… there are a handful of you who really do want to hear that so you can help, get me help, or stay out of my way. I understand that. I really do. But sometimes when I feel like that and it’s just a feeling, not a threat towards action, I really do just need to keep it to myself.
Why cry wolf?
If every time you ask how I’m feeling I answer suicidal, how will you know the difference when I come to you and ask for help?
That and I just don’t get off on drawing attention to how I’m feeling.
Honestly though more often than not, I just feel tired or cranky and nothing else is really noticeable.
Once a day I ask myself how I felt through the day. I track my moods at mood tracker and am able to see my highs and lows.
I’ll post my mood chart later so you can see what it looks like.
In other news, the past few days I’ve been feeling more up. Which is funny only because I’m being weaned off my anti-depressant and was warned I’d be feeling worse before I felt better. However, I honestly think half the battle with me is just knowing that help is on the way, and that helps carry me through until the help actually kicks in.