Sexuality is a complicated thing. Not always obvious and not always easily negotiated.
Made harder when you are in a duel-sex marriage, however encouraging the spouse may be that maybe he can’t meet all your needs and you are welcome to explore, with reasonable limitations. Women only, of course, and family always first, of course.
In 10 years I’ve never really taken advantage of this. I suppose my general lack of sexual desire, that is a whole other blog post I’ll probably never write, doesn’t help. But honestly, I have enough trouble as it is making friends, much less finding a girlfriend.
But let’s say you do know someone who you are kind of into. How do you even go about saying, “Oh hey, I’m not only wanting but allowed. By-the-by, I don’t even know if you are bi. I know you aren’t gay but could you even be into me?”
It seems like more drama than it probably is even worth.
Especially since my desire that would be fulfilled is less sexual in nature and more nurturing in nature.
And I’m rambling.
So let’s be blunt shall we? This is where you look away if the idea of girl on girl turns your stomach. Or frank sex talk in general.
My interest in the female sex isn’t based on my desire to eat out a girl, or be eaten out by one. I have issues with body fluid anyway. So that part just mostly wouldn’t work. And the half that sometimes does, my husband is more than capable of taking care of.
What I want is someone small, frail, and delicate, even if just figuratively, that I can wrap my arms around and just protect as the figurative male of the relationship. I want a femme to satisfy my butch side.
I almost get that with Pat, which is why I think our relationship works so well. Both of our genders and sexualities are a jumble of all the options. But while I can nurture him, he is neither small nor delicate, and if he is frail it’s in health, not femininity.
So I’m left frustrated at times. But only when I meet someone who stirs things inside of me that normally lie dormant.