BPD Blog Borderline Personality Disorder

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Phish: Spike Beta

Posted June 2, 2016 By kmarrs

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Therapy with Fish Episode 1: An Introduction

Posted May 31, 2016 By kmarrs

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Sambam

Posted May 26, 2016 By kmarrs

Sambam has officially graduated preschool and I’m all %@%$^@$%&@$ about it.

See, she was meant to have two years of preschool.  I like the idea of her having that extra year of childhood, plus she’s literally on the cut-off date as far as birthdays goes for entering the Kindergarten.  Literally.  She has to turn 5 by August 30, 2016.  Her 5th birthday IS August 30, 2016.  So it’s not much exaggeration to say she’ll be the youngest in her class going into kindergarten.  I really wanted her to be on the opposite end of that spectrum.  Newly 6, two years of preschool under her belt, ready to go.

But not my kid.  No.  She’s already learned everything the preschool has to teach her and if I hold her back, I’ll literally be holding her back, and she’ll be bored out of her mind.

So off to Kindergarten she goes in the fall, whether I like it or not.

I even tried to argue she wasn’t mature enough for it, but her teacher presented some pretty compelling evidence that she really really is ready.  So don’t mind me, I’m just going to sob over my baby growing up.

Because that’s what this is.  All my arguments over her age, I just don’t want to face the facts that she is fully and wholly old enough, mature enough, and smart enough for this next step.

My baby went and grew up, with or without my permission.

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Meet Spike

Posted May 24, 2016 By kmarrs

Spike is a very young, very small, Sunburst Platy.

 

And here we have Snailburt. Snailburt has hundreds of family members all living in my 20 gallon, eating my plants. I’m not overly fond of Snailburt and co. I mean, they also eat algae but in my 20 they seem to much prefer the plants because they are dying and the algae is out of control. Anyway, Snailburt.  I just love watching his little mouth work.  When my plants aren’t involved, that is.

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I am.

I don’t know what I am, but I am.

Part of me thinks I’m too sick to keep trying to juggle school and work and life.  But at the same time, having a routine and structure does me good.  Work gives me that.  I have somewhere to be during the week.

My hours have dropped.  First, they couldn’t keep me busy for 20-25 hours a week.  That’s a simple fact.  So instead of being there from 9-3 Monday-Thursday I’m now there from 10-3 Monday through Wednesday.  Some weeks it might be more like 10-2 Monday through Thursday.  Either way, it’s less hours.  Which is good.  I keep the routine and structure, but I don’t have to push myself harder than I can reasonably function.

I am still sick.

And tired.  God I’m tired.

So it is with this in mind that I’m continuing my bid for social security.  By dropping down in hours I’m improving my health, but I’m also making under 1000$ a month now so I’m not automatically ineligible for ssi.

In all work is going rather well.  I like my job and I seem to be good enough at it.  I also like my boss so I’m happy where I’m at.  I just can’t do it for more than 15-20 hours a week.  I’m not healthy enough.

Meanwhile school is going really well.  I just finished another term and kept my perfect 4.0 in the process.

My new term has already started, by the point in time you are reading this.  This one should be easier than the last two.  Well, last term, macro and microeconomics, wasn’t hard.  It was just a LOT of writing.  This one should be less work overall.

My first class is called Understanding Science.  It’s a two credit hour class that meets a general education requirement.  It’s 12 weeks long and while there are 4 tests in total, I’m not expecting much trouble.  I’m good at science and this is only skimming the surface.

My second class starts in 6 weeks and it’s Communication Ethics.  I know nothing about it but the girl I work with just took it and got a B.  She also said it was one of those classes where you can get all the work done in a single evening.  So I’ll give myself two evenings and get an A.  Her professor was also a stingy grader.  Hopefully mine isn’t.  I do know I’m taking it with someone else so there is a chance s/he is an easy grader.

That’s basically my life right now.  School.  Work.  Kids.  Sleep.  More sleep.

I guess that’s why I’m not writing much.  There are only so many ways I can say school is going well.  And well, life is rather drama free at the moment.  I’m not complaining, but it makes for a quiet blog.

Even my current stint of unhealthy is a quiet one.  I’m simply tired and stressed and moderately melancholy.

I’ll post a fish update soon.  They give me life.

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