BPD Blog Borderline Personality Disorder

Siblings: An Intimate Look at a Lifelong Relationship

Posted November 20, 2015 By kmarrs

So… With one book published, one book in editing, and finals for 2 different maths classes coming up (4 tests total in the next month) I’ve come up with another book idea.  (Stress?  What stress?)

I’m wanting to compile a large quantity of essays that all take a look at one question: What does it mean to be a sibling?

If you are willing to contribute, here is what I’m asking:

Write me one essay of any length whatsoever of what it means to you to be a sibling. Also looking at your role in the family. Are you the baby? Oldest? Middle child? You are welcome to write this in the perspective of when you were younger, now, or compare the two. There is no firm deadline.  No real guidelines: tell your story about what being a sibling means to you.

You up for this?  Email me if you’re game!

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Mending Fences or Tearing Them Down?

Posted November 18, 2015 By kmarrs

I can’t believe that you care so little for me, that you would be intentionally hurtful. So I am going to make my feelings clear in hopes of repairing a relationship between us that I see to be gravely damaged.
I understand why you dislike my husband. I even understand your reasons, while I don’t personally agree with them. He has hurt your pride and your pride is a very delicate thing. I have come to understand that about you. Never mind that he loves me and cares for me unlike any other man could. I am a challenge to be around, no one, least of all me, would argue that claim. But that man you so despise puts up with my utter bullshit faithfully like I believe in my heart no one else could. Furthermore he has given me 3 amazing children that you yourself get to be a proud grandfather to. He has done more to raise them than I ever could, as I myself am no more than a child in many ways. He is the true and steadfast foundation my family is built on.
But you choose to hate him. You choose to hate him because of the struggles we all went through trying to keep a household together. You choose to hate him because you two didn’t always see eye to eye.
So fine. Hate him. But your hatred of that man becomes inexcusable when you can’t swallow you fragile pride and be around him for the sake of those you claim to love. You can’t tolerate to be in the same home as him for a few measly hours so that the family can be together for not just Thanksgiving, but my birthday. My birthday that I was looking forward to spending with my family.
Part of me wants to demand you be there. For the sake of your daughter and your grandchildren whom love you dearly. But then I reflect further and realize that if you were to come, you’d spend so much time letting your hatred consume you that would in fact spend that time pouting like a child who doesn’t get their way. A child who didn’t get their way 4+ years ago, but is still holding a grudge.
At least I know where I get my personal immaturity from. I come by it naturally.
Only I strive to fix relationships where you don’t seem to care who you hurt and why.
So fine. Be that way. Stay home for Thanksgiving and my birthday. Spend your Christmas in your room instead of in my home as well. For it’s better than spending an hour trying to find you as your pout walks you out my door and down the street when you can no longer bare to be around the father of your Grandchildren. When you can no longer bare to be around the man whom loves me unconditionally.
You can get over your stupid pride, accept my husband as a member of your family, and spend the holidays with your family, or you can stay home and alone. But please know that from here on out if you expect any sort of relationship with me, then you need to mend some fences with my husband.

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Posted November 2, 2015 By kmarrs

I don’t know why but of all the places in the world, I want to visit Greenland and Iceland the most.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to travel Europe and visit all the museums and historically significant places.  It’s a dream.  But if I were to only leave the USA once, I’d want to go to Iceland and Greenland.  They just to me seem to be the most beautiful places in the world.  Plus, they aren’t exactly tourist hot spots so it wouldn’t be so… crowded.

I don’t know.  I really don’t know what it is.

I bet there is a cruise that goes through the region and will stop at different ports of interest.  Or, I’d just take a flight and stay at different motels as I explored each country.  I’d need a few weeks to do it.  Maybe when my kids are grown and I’m done with my schooling I can reward myself with spending a summer doing just that.  I don’t know.



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Christmas Miracle

Posted October 21, 2015 By kmarrs

Finances are worse than they’ve ever been for us before.  I honestly had no idea how we were going to pull off even a crappy Christmas much less a decent one.  But thankfully, I received my annual Christmas miracle: Amazon approved me for a credit line.  It’s nice because if you spend over $800, you aren’t paying interest for like 6 months, and I’ll be able to pay it off with the tax return no problem.  We’ve done this every year and it’s like the one credit card that’s never bit us in the ass.

So we got the kids taken care off.  I got something silly for my sister.  We bought a new tv because in 12 years of marriage we’ve never bought one and have been at the mercy of horrible hand-me-downs.  Plus the kids are getting a game system from Santa. (It’s actually a really cool retro system that has NES, Super NES, and Sega Genesis all in one.  So we also have kick ass games Pat and I grew up with incoming.)  And I got some supplies for the lizard while I was at it, because I needed the total up to get the special financing, but the kids don’t need the full lot spent on them.

So Christmas was saved.  And I’m done with my shopping for it, and it isn’t even Halloween.


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Posted October 19, 2015 By kmarrs

So in the past 2 weeks, I’ve taken 2 major tests.  One for stats and one for algebra.

In stats I managed a 97% that I’m very happy with.  My score for the class thus far is 98.26%.  I don’t see that shifting much.  I mean, it might go down a few point maybe, but in general I understand the material well enough.  So it’ll be stupid mistakes on tests that catch me up, if anything.

In stats I managed a 115/115.  Here is how that breaks down: 107 from the test, 2 points bonus (there was a bonus question on the test for extra credit) and 6 points “extra”.  So I had a feeling, but I emailed my professor about those 6 points, to see where they came from.  Well they, and I quote “came from [me]. Just say thanks and take a nap.”  Heh.  This professor and I have an interesting relationship.  She knows I’m openly trying really really hard and I am exhausted with the workload of 2 math classes.  She knows I’m being bullied by a classmate and used by the rest.  She herself is being bullied by the same bully.  She knows the bully is also cheating, but she can’t prove it.  I’m helping her there.  She knows I’m going to have to work my ass off to keep an A.  I was at a 90.17% before the test, but now I’m up to a 94.90%.  Honestly, I think she wanted to give me a perfect score because the entire class, in a not so friendly tone, was assuming I was getting it anyway.  I couldn’t be happier about that 100% if I had earned it the old-fashioned way.  Even so, it wasn’t handed over for nothing.  I did earn it.  Just not in the more obvious way.

I really could use that nap.  I only have half the homework load this week, thanks to the stats test being an in class test.  But I want to spend some time going over old material just to be sure I’ve really got it.  I’m not as confident as I’d like to be.  I did technically like 8 points, after all.


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We’ll Start With The Ladies

Posted October 17, 2015 By kmarrs

I owe you all a few posts, but we’ll start with my breasts.

After a couple exams, a mammogram, and a breast ultrasound, I can happily announce that there is a lump, but it’s basically lumpy fatty tissue and of no concern.

So that’s one less thing I have to worry about.

I do need to find a doctor and get some other things checked, though.  Ugh.

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