I Am Far Too Awesome To Remember To Categorize These Archive

New Year, Same Me

Posted January 19, 2017 By kmarrs

This is just a general update.

It took me two months to get over that cough.  And even so my lungs still aren’t quite right.  I’ve never had bronchitis hit me that hard.  But then again, pneumonia.  Right as I was starting to get better, right about Christmas, I caught a cold my daughter brought home from school, and it went right to my lungs.  I just couldn’t catch a break.  Then again with this weather yo-yoing between freezing and light jacket weather, it’s no wonder everyone is sick.  And everyone is sick.  I don’t just mean my family, I mean there are nasty bugs out there going around.

I’ve made some friends.  On Tumblr but it totally counts.  I’ve joined a group of misfits that have banned together to form a family.  Misfits is my word, but I think they’d agree with it.  I’m still in the early stages of joining.  I’ve been welcomed by the group patriarch, Simon.  And one of the group members, Savi, is my new best friend.  Or she will be just give it time.  I’m slowly making friends with the others.  It’s hard because I’m introverted, but I’ve been welcomed and that’s a great feeling.  They meet on social media and watch movies and chat every night, basically all night, because we’re a bunch of insomniacs.  I only meet with them Thursday night through Saturday night because I need my sleep during the week.  One part depression, one part med cocktail, one part fibromyalgia, one part I’ve been this way my entire life: I value sleep and need a solid 9-10 hours of it with frequent 12 hour power naps to help fill in the gaps.  You think I’m joking?  I’m not.  So I’ve made friends.  My therapist would be so proud.

Only, she’s not my therapist anymore.  It’s a long story but the gist of it is, I’m not feeling the magic anymore so I’m breaking off the relationship.  Maybe I’ll go back next time life crumbles.  Maybe I’ll find a new one.  I still have my meds doc, so I’m not without mental health help.  I’m just not in therapy.  And right now, at this moment that’s ok.  That relationship wasn’t a good fit anymore so it was time to move on.  If I was really responsible I’d get myself set up with a new one and a relationship established before my next life crash.  I know my meds doc can recommend one.  I’m just tired.  And right now, that’s one less half hour trip there, hour-long appointment, half hour trip back.  I could find someone closer, but I like the group I go to.  They are worth the travel time.  And I’m not giving up my meds doctor.  So I might as well find a therapist in the same building.

Trump.  Actually, I’d rather not.  I have not opened that can of worms on this blog and I’m going to keep it that way for now.  Let us just leave it at this: I’m really going to miss Obama.  He brought a level of dignity, class, and professionalism to the office that will be sorely missed.

School is going well.  I’m maintaining a nearly 4.0.  I still have that one B that is keeping me from perfection, but I’ll survive.  I have not repeated the incident, at least.  I’m currently in a professional communications class which is heavy on the writing.  I’m, maybe not enjoying the content, but I really enjoy my professor and this class will be a huge help in my academic and professional careers, so I can respect it for that.

Speaking of which, class starts in 15, so I’d better proof read this and get it posted.  I’ll try my best to be better at writing regularly.  I’m not saying weekly, but we’ll see.  I’m just so tired.  Work, school, kids.  I’m exhausted.

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Babies

Posted November 11, 2016 By kmarrs

My 20 gallon community is teaming with new life.  I have baby Sunburst Platys.  But most excitedly I have baby cherry shrimp.  It took forever for them to breed, and I think half of them end up fish food, but so far there have been 2-3 waves of baby shrimp and I’m super excited.  At some point, tax return most likely, I’m going to try and talk Pat into letting me upgrade to a 30 gallon.  I won’t add new life, it’ll just better support the life that’s already in it.   We’ll see.

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IQ You

Posted November 7, 2016 By kmarrs

On the 24th of October I sat the admissions test for MENSA.  I sat and failed, that is.

It’s been a lifelong goal of mine to join MENSA.  So this came as a hard break.  It’s not even that I’m not as smart as I thought I could be.  I don’t care as much about that.  I was greatly looking forward to the social opportunities.  And well, yes, I feel stupid.

I do feel really stupid.

And as I sit here trying to turn this into a long post I realize there is nothing more I want to say on the subject.  I mean I could explore how I feel stupid even though I’m not stupid but fuck that.  I don’t really want to talk about it.

So I’ve shared that I tried.  I’ve shared that I failed.  And now I have school work to work on.

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Schizotypal

Posted July 21, 2016 By kmarrs

I was officially diagnosed schizotypal last week.  As ever I’m still in control of, uh, “them”.  I don’t technically see or hear anything.  I know it’s not real.  It’s also not going into my chart.  That my doctor looking out for me.  There is a hell of a lot of stigma that can of worms causes and for no real purpose.  I’m high functioning in these regards.  It’s not one of the reasons I’m disabled.  If anything it’s always been a coping mechanism.  If I lose control of it, or if it turns into full blow schizophrenia, then it’ll need to go into my charts.  In the meantime I have imaginary friends and a whole fantasy world built up in my head.  My doctor knows about it.  Has known about it.  Every now and then it comes up.  It’s been officially diagnosed, mostly so I could officially call it what I’ve been calling it for years.  It’s like the one thing that’s remained constant.

As for schizophrenia, in women it can present as late as into the 30’s but typically it presents itself by now.  I’m not showing any signs.  So it’s not impossible and it does run in the family, but it’s not a real worry.  I know the difference between real and make believe, even if make believe makes my days a little easier.

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Tick Tock Goes The Clock

Posted December 23, 2015 By kmarrs

(Hah! Bet you didn’t expect me back so soon!)

I’ve developed some nervous ticks. Some twitches and shakes. I’m not entirely sure what that’s about.

I’m guessing it’s mostly me decompressing from what has been the most stressful semester ever.

Like before now, during the term, I was so stressed and under pressure that every molecule of my body was compacted together and afraid to move for fear of fracture.

Now that I can breathe easy again… After 15 weeks of being held together so tight, I’m now shaky. It’s like all that pressure disappeared at once and there is nothing left to stabilize me so I vibrate.

I dunno.

Mentally I’m stable. Tired. Weary. But well.

Just have a slight shiver of vibration to me.

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