My 20 gallon community is teaming with new life. I have baby Sunburst Platys. But most excitedly I have baby cherry shrimp. It took forever for them to breed, and I think half of them end up fish food, but so far there have been 2-3 waves of baby shrimp and I’m super excited. At some point, tax return most likely, I’m going to try and talk Pat into letting me upgrade to a 30 gallon. I won’t add new life, it’ll just better support the life that’s already in it. We’ll see.
I Am Far Too Awesome To Remember To Categorize These Archive
On the 24th of October I sat the admissions test for MENSA. I sat and failed, that is.
It’s been a lifelong goal of mine to join MENSA. So this came as a hard break. It’s not even that I’m not as smart as I thought I could be. I don’t care as much about that. I was greatly looking forward to the social opportunities. And well, yes, I feel stupid.
I do feel really stupid.
And as I sit here trying to turn this into a long post I realize there is nothing more I want to say on the subject. I mean I could explore how I feel stupid even though I’m not stupid but fuck that. I don’t really want to talk about it.
So I’ve shared that I tried. I’ve shared that I failed. And now I have school work to work on.
I was officially diagnosed schizotypal last week. As ever I’m still in control of, uh, “them”. I don’t technically see or hear anything. I know it’s not real. It’s also not going into my chart. That my doctor looking out for me. There is a hell of a lot of stigma that can of worms causes and for no real purpose. I’m high functioning in these regards. It’s not one of the reasons I’m disabled. If anything it’s always been a coping mechanism. If I lose control of it, or if it turns into full blow schizophrenia, then it’ll need to go into my charts. In the meantime I have imaginary friends and a whole fantasy world built up in my head. My doctor knows about it. Has known about it. Every now and then it comes up. It’s been officially diagnosed, mostly so I could officially call it what I’ve been calling it for years. It’s like the one thing that’s remained constant.
As for schizophrenia, in women it can present as late as into the 30’s but typically it presents itself by now. I’m not showing any signs. So it’s not impossible and it does run in the family, but it’s not a real worry. I know the difference between real and make believe, even if make believe makes my days a little easier.
(Hah! Bet you didn’t expect me back so soon!)
I’ve developed some nervous ticks. Some twitches and shakes. I’m not entirely sure what that’s about.
I’m guessing it’s mostly me decompressing from what has been the most stressful semester ever.
Like before now, during the term, I was so stressed and under pressure that every molecule of my body was compacted together and afraid to move for fear of fracture.
Now that I can breathe easy again… After 15 weeks of being held together so tight, I’m now shaky. It’s like all that pressure disappeared at once and there is nothing left to stabilize me so I vibrate.
Mentally I’m stable. Tired. Weary. But well.
Just have a slight shiver of vibration to me.
So. Wow. It’s been a long minute since I last wrote.
All I can really say to my defense is that my idea of thinking 2 maths classes at once would be an easy return to school… Haha. Ha. ha. No.
I forgot the sheer work load in a single math class much less two at once.
But I survived! Even finals week! With my 4.0 intact.
God I’m tired though. The kind of tired that a nap just can’t fix. It’s like straight through to my core.
But I’ll recover. Just in time for next term. I’m actually going full-time next term, with 3 classes, but they are only 6 weeks each and none of them at the same time. It should be much lighter.
Also, I forgot how much I love to read. Or rather, I never doubted how much I love to read, but I sort of didn’t realize how much I missed it until term finished and I curled up with a book. To just sit there and read when you know there is nothing else in the world I need to be doing… It’d been awhile.
I’m rereading Game of Thrones. I hadn’t read them in a long while, years really, and I’d never read the 5th book so I’ve curled up with the first book and I’m going to try to read all 5 before I’m back in class.
Alright. I’ll try to update more, but I’m not really sure what there is to say. Life is quiet with no real drama. Other than the car breaking and then being gone with no replacement. I mean, my BIL whom lives with us has a car, but I only really have access to it 2 days a week. And even then it’s shared. I’ve never not had a car. It’s getting old fast.