I Am Far Too Awesome To Remember To Categorize These Archive


Posted July 21, 2016 By kmarrs

I was officially diagnosed schizotypal last week.  As ever I’m still in control of, uh, “them”.  I don’t technically see or hear anything.  I know it’s not real.  It’s also not going into my chart.  That my doctor looking out for me.  There is a hell of a lot of stigma that can of worms causes and for no real purpose.  I’m high functioning in these regards.  It’s not one of the reasons I’m disabled.  If anything it’s always been a coping mechanism.  If I lose control of it, or if it turns into full blow schizophrenia, then it’ll need to go into my charts.  In the meantime I have imaginary friends and a whole fantasy world built up in my head.  My doctor knows about it.  Has known about it.  Every now and then it comes up.  It’s been officially diagnosed, mostly so I could officially call it what I’ve been calling it for years.  It’s like the one thing that’s remained constant.

As for schizophrenia, in women it can present as late as into the 30’s but typically it presents itself by now.  I’m not showing any signs.  So it’s not impossible and it does run in the family, but it’s not a real worry.  I know the difference between real and make believe, even if make believe makes my days a little easier.

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Tick Tock Goes The Clock

Posted December 23, 2015 By kmarrs

(Hah! Bet you didn’t expect me back so soon!)

I’ve developed some nervous ticks. Some twitches and shakes. I’m not entirely sure what that’s about.

I’m guessing it’s mostly me decompressing from what has been the most stressful semester ever.

Like before now, during the term, I was so stressed and under pressure that every molecule of my body was compacted together and afraid to move for fear of fracture.

Now that I can breathe easy again… After 15 weeks of being held together so tight, I’m now shaky. It’s like all that pressure disappeared at once and there is nothing left to stabilize me so I vibrate.

I dunno.

Mentally I’m stable. Tired. Weary. But well.

Just have a slight shiver of vibration to me.

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Surviving Finals

Posted December 21, 2015 By kmarrs

So. Wow. It’s been a long minute since I last wrote.

All I can really say to my defense is that my idea of thinking 2 maths classes at once would be an easy return to school… Haha. Ha. ha. No.

I forgot the sheer work load in a single math class much less two at once.

But I survived! Even finals week! With my 4.0 intact.

God I’m tired though. The kind of tired that a nap just can’t fix. It’s like straight through to my core.

But I’ll recover. Just in time for next term. I’m actually going full-time next term, with 3 classes, but they are only 6 weeks each and none of them at the same time. It should be much lighter.

Also, I forgot how much I love to read. Or rather, I never doubted how much I love to read, but I sort of didn’t realize how much I missed it until term finished and I curled up with a book. To just sit there and read when you know there is nothing else in the world I need to be doing… It’d been awhile.

I’m rereading Game of Thrones. I hadn’t read them in a long while, years really, and I’d never read the 5th book so I’ve curled up with the first book and I’m going to try to read all 5 before I’m back in class.

Alright. I’ll try to update more, but I’m not really sure what there is to say. Life is quiet with no real drama. Other than the car breaking and then being gone with no replacement. I mean, my BIL whom lives with us has a car, but I only really have access to it 2 days a week. And even then it’s shared. I’ve never not had a car. It’s getting old fast.

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A Cat’s Favorite Toys

Posted March 7, 2015 By kmarrs

Borderline Personality Disorder BPD Blog
What will a cat claim as his favorite toy? Hint: It’s now what we’d prefer.

On that note, I finally obtained cat power.  Hopefully my traffic over there will increase some now.

And speaking of cat power… So my asshole cat Jeff is apparently capable of being a sweetheart.  I was crying some the night I wrote this and he was all in my face.  Every now and then he reached out his little paw and touched my tear stained cheeks.  It was really sweet of him.  I think this means I have to like him now.  Which… Whatever.  He’s still an asshole.  But apparently that’s how I prefer my men anyway, so I suppose it’s a good fit.

Anyway, click here for the link to BuzzFeed.

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Today Was A Day

Posted May 16, 2011 By kmarrs

Really, there is no other single word or phrase that could accurately sum up today. It was, indeed, a day.

Today, since you are probably reading this tomorrow, was Sunday. Which means two things. One, it was the fourth day I worked in a row. So it’s really not the best of or for me. Second, it also happens to be our busiest day of the week. Well, some argue Saturday is just as busy. A few even argue that Saturday is indeed busier. And some weeks are indeed like that. But no, Sunday is our busiest day of the week.

Today was no exception. My first story, will illustrate this point.

I was working fastlane (self scan) 1 at the time. I notice the assistant store director walking towards me making eye contact. I momentarily freeze and run through this mental checklist:

  • Name tag on
  • In proper uniform
  • Exactly where I’m suppose to be
  • Doing exactly what I’m suppose to be doing
  • Crap! Water in plan sight!
  • No, wait, doctor’s note… we’re cool

The possibility that he was on his way over to take over my spot so I could take my break, never entered my mind. Apparently that was a fail on my part. Mind you, it isn’t unusual to find him helping out on fast lane. When he isn’t busy doing his own work load, and the store is slammed, he can sometimes be found acting as a third pair of hands down on fastlane 1/2, even though 2 people is usually all that is needed. But the words” I’m here to hop your break” are a sure sign that “holy crap we really must be busy.” When I left at 6:30 he was solo running fastlane 3, had been for well over an hour, and there were no signs of that changing anytime soon.

Another thing of note, was that I was all over the place today. I’ve been working A LOT of fastlane because, well, the AC that controls the air in the front of the store is broken, it’s been documented to be 80 degrees at 8AM and it only gets worse, and I’m just not capable of running a lane for too long in that heat. I can’t keep currently regulate my body temp very well. So it’s fastlane, or leaving on a stretcher. But today, was, well, one of those days. I started on fastlane 1. Got sent to cover M’s 15 min break, then to cover A’s 30 min lunch, then to cover T’s 30 min lunch, then to my own lunch, then back to fastlane 1, then to open lane 22 because they needed another lane and the assistant store director could run fastlane 3, and the person from 3 got moved to cover me on 1, then I got sent back to fastlane 1, then my own break, then back to 1, then to cover D’s 30 minute lunch, then back to 1. Which honestly, was all kinda awesome. I was never really on lane long enough to get too over heated, and it made a good break from fastlane. (Note: self scan (fastlane) has a bad habit of attracting stupid people. Which is far from saying all people who use self scan are stupid. So it can get a bit frustrating. So 4 days in a row of nothing BUT self scan… yeah.) So really, I was all over the place today. Never knew where I was going to be from one moment to the next, and was actually quite ok with it.

Now for the funnies. Because while today was crazy busy and overwhelming for even the veterans, there were moments of comedy gold.

At around 11AM, I was running fastlane 1. Scanner 1 had a red light go up, meaning they had run into a problem of some sort. I walked over, greeted the customer, and moved in to fix the problem. “Oh! Do you work here?” she says, looking me in the eye. No, lady, I wear the uniform, name tag, greeted you, and moved in on the system purely for the fun of it. Really.

Later, I was on an actual lane and a customer came through with a live, pet fish. NORMALLY, the fish have a PLU (that 4 digit number you find on produce and bulk things) written on the bag. Only apparently the tag that this info can be found on had been destroyed so the coworker who got them the fish had nothing to offer in terms of ringing the fish out, aside from the price. So I had to key dump. Key dumping, for those who don’t know, is when you have no upc or anything so you basically turn it into random grocery (or whatever) item at given price. It isn’t ideal, but it gets it on the order. It is also a last result. But sometimes, it’s all you have. When we key dump, it brings up a list of possible departments. But not ALL departments are on that list. So sometimes you have to kind of fudge it. The pet department, not being one of the main departments, doesn’t happen to be on that given list. However, “seafood” was. I’m sure you can see where this is going… The customer found it HYSTERICAL that I listed the pet fish on her order as seafood @ 3.49. Made her freakin’ day. MY favorite part is that when she and the couple behind her, agreed that no one had to tell the poor fish. I laughed until I cried. Literally.

Then there was the 7yo girl, while I was hopping a random lunch, who when I asked her if I could go home with her and share her homemade lasangna, she infomred me “only if her momma didn’t have to pay for their groceries”. Which I guess, if you weren’t there, sounds bad. But prior to that she was stressing because they came in for like 4 things and were leaving with a cart load. It helped that her mother was openly mortified at her daughter’s response. I just laughed. It was cute. I have a kid that age. I know they are just starting to have a concept of money, and therefore she knew what the running total she could plainly see meant, but still had no concept of why stores can’t simply give 200$ worth of groceries away. So I called her adorable, explained if I could I would but couldn’t, and claimed any left overs.

Anyway, those were the best moments of the day. There was a handful of not so great moments, but I’m choosing to focus on the ones that had me laughing until I cried.

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